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Bridal Tantrum

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    Goldilocks1107    September 2010   Madison, WI

    I think I've reached an interesting phase of bridal planning - the "I don't care what etiquette says - this is what I WANT" (aka, the bride as a 2-year-old stage).

    Anyone else at the point where if someone else says "well, that's just how it's done" you're head is going to explode?

    I don't care that I should hand write my invitation addresses. Idon'twannadoit.

    Or that people are after me to cave on allowing kids. It'smydayandIdon'twanna.

    Please, please tell me I'm not alone! And share your stories of what's pushing you to revolt against the etiquette police!

     
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    MichelleMyBell    August 13 2010   London, Ontario CA

    Totally not alone.  I'm printing my invites and I'm not having toasts cause Idontwannadoit either. :)  There's way to much pressure on brides to follow protocol and etiquette.

     
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    Melissabegins    December 12, 2009  

    haha, i was like this the whole time. it's not a tantrum.. it's being decisive ;) I made decisions early and stuck with them so i didn't have to get to the pissy 2 year old part. haha!

     

     
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    greenleafmountain    7.31.2010  

    I get like that sometimes too (especially for addressing invitations!) but I think it's helpful to distinguish those things that aren't rude, like printing your envelopes or not wearing a veil or something silly like that, from the things that actually are rude, like inviting people without their spouses or something.

     
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    caszos    June 2010   Florida

    I totally get that!! 

     
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    Goldilocks1107    September 2010   Madison, WI

    Oh good! I'm glad I'm not the only one - these days it's been hard to figure out if I'm being cranky or decisive Smile

    I figure that as long as I'm listening to FH, then I should be okay. If I'm just being a total b*tch, then that's not cool!

     
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    missvintage    May 29, 2010   Madison, WI

    totally not alone, this is so where I am at right now.

     
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    Hoshiku    July 17, 2010   GA

    I think etiquette gets outdated really fast. If you want to be old fashioned and formal, go for it. If you want to do things your way, that's fine too. Etiquette rules are made to put people at ease and give social cues. If it's making you upset then you should probably go with what makes you happy. :)

     
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    di5308    January 1, 2000  

    I printed out addresses on labels. No one cared! We invited all kids, despite pressure to not do so. I can't wait! There's even an awesome playground right next to our park reception area, and I'm having fun making the kids goodie bags! Be polite, but stick to what you want!

     
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    BudsBride    September 25, 2010   Wisconsin

    I'm so fed up with my future family members that I want to stop it all. I spent a half hour trying to tell my FMIL that she is not respecting what I want and I'm done arguing about her side's guest list (which she refuses to cut down b/c she's friends with everyone). I also told her she's selfish at the idea of missing out on her only son's (baby of the family) because I don't want kids at my wedding. She and my FFIL were going to watch their 2 nieces. COME ON ALREADY!

    If people keep telling you "it's your day, do what you want" but family doesn't even support you or care what you want then of course you want to throw your hands up in the air!

     
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    rabbit    September 3, 2010   Milwaukee, WI

    I'm at this point. I'm tired of the whining and the complain by everyone else. Hey, who's planning, executing, and partisicpating in this wedding? Oh, yeah, ME. Don't like my table number idea? Too bad, I love them! Think I'm spending too much? i don't give a poop, not a dime of it is your money! I'm at the point where you are either with me for this or you are not. Those who are not don't get a say anymore. a little over 150 days to the wedding and I have shit to do folks! Not only that, but in the next two months I have to finish my thesis, submit it, and graduate AND look for a full-time job.

    I think we almost all reach a point where we get sick of "advice" from others and just want to finish stuff already!

     
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    Goldilocks1107    September 2010   Madison, WI

    @rabbit - I am in your exact place right now. I've stopped talking wedding to some people because I don't want their input (or anyone else's). FH and I agreed on this and this is how it's going to be. The prim and proper ladies can faint away - I don't care! Surprised

     
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    noritake22    March 31, 2011   Seattle

    I am glad that I am not the only one. My wedding isn't even close to some of yours and I am already there. My stepfather made a comment the other day, and I flat out told him that if he didn't think he was going to like my wedding, he could not come. He was like what??? And I told him again. It is my/our wedding and we will do it our way. We are paying for it all ourselves, so we are the ones that make the final decisions.

     
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    MichelleMyBell    August 13 2010   London, Ontario CA

    @noritake, good for you! I need to man up some time and say that to my manipulative grandma.

     
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    msqthoney    April 10, 2010   Los Angeles, California

    Owwwwww!!! Thanks for this post.  You are definitely not the only one!

    No kids?  I dontwanna (plus, we couldn't afford them!)

    Your godparents/sponsors are not in pairs (it's a filipino tradition)???  No!

    And yes, I printed my addresses!

     
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    hoosierbee    August 21, 2010   Bloomington, IN

    Yes- I am totally with you on this. Along the way I have had a saying (borrowed from South Park) "If you don't like it, you can GET OUT!"

    AND I we will be using brush script font on our envelopes because I don't have good handwriting or $ to hire a calligrapher and I also don't care to.

     
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    HRHcupcake    June 4, 2011   CT

    My wedding is 13 months away and I am already getting into situations where "itsmyweddingandIdontwanna" is the most appropriate answer. I don't deal well with expectations and people staring at me. Solution? Not going to be hiding away until I walk down the aisle. Why? ItsmyweddingandIdontwanna. I have NO intention of handwriting inviations. It's lovely when people do it, but my handwriting is acceptable at best. ItsmyweddingandIdontwanna. At the bridal salons, they can't understand why I don't want to at least try on a veil. ItsmyweddingandIdontwanna. These are my decisions and if people don't like it they deal with it, because nothing is hurting them or putting a burden on them.

    Ok, that felt good to get out of my system!

     

     
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    gionnetto    January 11, 2011   Live: Italy, Wedding: Ireland

    LOL I'm the same way.

    I don't want:

    1) my parents walking me down the aisle -- I didn't let them walk me anywhere since when I started walking... I don't need their permission to do JACK----!

    2) a birdcage veil (I know EVERYBODY rants and raves about it - but I HATE THEM!!!!)

    3) favors -- with all the money I'm spending do I really need to thank them for being there????

    4) Save the Date cards -- useless waist of Amazonian forest (emails, anybody???)

    5) RSVP cards -- useless waist of Amazonian forest (emails, anybody???)

    6) floral centerpiece --- flowers STINK, period. I don't want to eat my salmon thinking I'm binging on roses!

    7) ginormous wedding cakes full of preservatives --- either no preservatives or no cake

    8) regular wedding jewelry --- it looks like Barbie's and I'm not 4 yrs old so I won't wear it!

    9) bridal shower --- just more expenses!

    10) rehearsal dinner --- no invitations and similar BS, my idea of a rehearsal dinner is "all right now that we are done here I got so hungry where do you guys and gals feel like eating?" and THAT IS IT.

    11) aisle runner --- I haven't needed signals on where to walk since age 2 (and when I have seen any I wouldn't follow them!)

    12) garter --- I am no feminist but this one yucks me out

    13) cheesy "bride to be" "matron of honor" and "bridesmaid" sweaters, pant, and underpants --- I know who's who and they know too (hopefully).

    EDIT:

    14) thank you card --- again??? how many times does a bride need to say thank you???

    15) engagement shoot --- holy moly, another fake need :(

     
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    Toffee    January 15, 2011   Hayden, Id

    I'm getting close to this point. Pretty much anytime I mention anything that might have to do with a seamstress, my FMIL offers for one of her daughters to do it. Basically, I want nothing to do with this woman and neither does FI. If he could, he wouldn't invite her, but he pretty much has to since we're inviting his other brothers and sisters. My FSIL is lazy to the point that FFIL bought her a house to get her out of his! She has 5 kids and doesn't have any control over them (if she brings them to the wedding, we will be not so kindly asking her to leave as we don't want to be responsible WHEN they break something). Plus, as much as I've been told that she's an amazing seamstress, I don't trust her to do the work. I've cleaned up her crud from the sewing room, she's not THAT good. And I don't want to have to work around her schedule. I'd rather work with a seamstress I can trust and who will get the work done on time. Sorry for the rant, it's just that I want her to have nothing to do with the wedding at all.

     
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    Ms. Yellow Birdie    July 24, 2010   Kentucky

    OMG thanks for this post---I'm not the only one!!! My mom came into the room as FI and I were addressing envelopes and said "Have you trimmed down your guest list, because I friends I want to invite," uuuuhhhhggg are you serious? Then she followed with---"Oh, and don't forget to invite the neighbors,"----What? You mean the neighbors that I don't even know their names? Really? And you want me to trim my list? IDONTWANNADOIT and IWONTDOIT!!!!!

     
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    Goldilocks1107    September 2010   Madison, WI

    Thanks for the laugh ladies!

     
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    Ella1978    June 19, 2010   Cleveland, Ohio

    I printed my addresses on clear labels & We aren't having kids either..

    It's your wedding. Get what you want.

     
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    KIKI82    October 30, 2010   SoCal

    I am so starting to get to that point!

     
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    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    Not being cranky....it's just that you want what you want.

     
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    denverbirdlet    September 18, 2010   Denver, getting married in Madison, WI

    I'm at the "whatever.  make it work!" stage.  I feel like Tim Gun running around telling my vendors "just do what works!"  It's all going to work out and at the end, I'll be married to my favorite person in the world, so everything else will just be what its going to be.  Someone brings their 3 year old when we expressly indicated it was going to be a child-free wedding?  oh well!  make it work.  it will not spoil my day or my attitude.  whew.  that feels so liberating to say.

     
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    PrncssDva    October 16, 2010   Memphis, TN

    Denver, I am learning to be that way too. It can still be the way I want, bu tsome things you have to adjust to.

     

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