Bridal/Engagement/Pre-Birthday Celebration – Yes? No? Maybe?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Everyone who is invited to a shower must be invited to the wedding. Please don’t do so – I’m sure you don’t mean it to be so, but it will look gift-grabby.

Why not just have a birthday celebration for your fiance? Or allow someone to throw you an engagement party if your engagement was recent, but engagement parties aren’t gift-giving occassions (so no need for registry info).

You could also have an at-home reception after you’re married.

 

Post # 4
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You want to throw a party for yourselves where the guests have to pay their own way to attend this party?

Post # 5
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CocoClassic:  I would have a party after your marriage. Celebrate your FI’s bday now in whatever fashion you think is appropriate but I would not do a pay-your-own-way triple celebration party. I understand what you want to do but it just seems a bit too much.

Post # 8
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@CocoClassic:  I’m sorry, but it’s not a special case if you’re having a destination wedding. Even if you’re having a small/destination wedding, people who are invited to the shower must be also invited to the wedding. To say to people, “Please come give me a gift, but you’re not welcome at the wedding itself” is rude.

I can absolutely see that you’re trying to make everyone happy and not trying to be rude – but please take the above under consideration.

Post # 9
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@CocoClassic:  I wouldn’t, especially becuase everyone invited won’t be invited to the wedding and because everyone has to pay for themselves. If you want ti that way, I would just throw a birthday for your FI at the restaurant and have it have nothing to do with the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CocoClassic:  I would just say, “Yes, we’ll celebrate once we come back from our wedding. It will be a blast!”

I’d try to do something ASAP when you get back so everyone feels included and you and FI are still gloooowing. Even just a potluck or BBQ would be great. You could even relive the cake cutting and maybe have some fun with that.

Post # 12
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@CocoClassic:  I would just have a birthday party. As others have said- having a destination wedding doesn’t change etiquette. If you were hosting a big reception back home that would be one thing, but if the “shower” IS the at home celebration it’s pretty rude, especially if everyone is paying for themselves. 

Post # 14
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@CocoClassic:  It sounds to me like you don’t really want to have any additional wedding-related celebration. Correct? If so, stand your ground. Don’t allow other people to push you into doing something you don’t want to do.

IF you want to throw some sort of party for your FI’s birthday, why not just do that? Invite the people that you want to invite and enjoy. If you also don’t really want to spend money to throw a party, you could always casually put the word out that you will be celebrating FI’s birthday on x date at y time in z restaurant. Anyone who wants to come along is welcome to on their own dime. That takes the pressure off of you while still giving your favorite people the opportunity to celebrate the big 3-0.

Post # 15
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@CocoClassic:  I will say that I don’t normally put a lot if stock in etiquette but in this case I agree with PP. you would pretty much be saying “you’re not special enough to us to come to our wedding and attend our real, hosted reception; but please come pay for your own dinner and buy us presents.”

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