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@acebride: I think I would feel the same as you if I was in that situation! And to be honest, I don't know why. If you love your ring and your guy, then that's all that matters. This site is so good to vent about this stuff though :)
So as for the shower, can her mom or any BMs help you out if it will be so close to your wedding? I don't think you should have to do all the work right before/after your wedding and hopefully she would be understanding of that.
Good luck!
@Stammie16: Most of the other BMs are out of town, so I know that the shower will be at my house. I need to learn how to ask others for help regardless though :) thanks!
I can understand where you are coming from. and your feelings do have nothing to do with yours towards your FI or your bestie! I think it is a natural reaction to seeing anothers beautiful item ya know. as for her parties it is going to be hard for you but i believe doable. being that you are in the begining of June and maybe she'llbwe the end of august. you could have most of the work done for her shower before your wedding and then just have to finalize when you get back from honeymoon. or even if you do it with help before your wedding(as long as not too close to yours)[make sure to enjoy your special time too]. Idk I'm kind of rambling here and just think it will all work out and be so great that you guys are doing this together!
how close is your twin to these events? could it be a triple summer? jk
One of my BMs is getting married this weekend, so 7 weeks after my wedding. I will also be a BM in her wedding. We both got engaged last fall within 2 weeks of each other. Honestly it's been a blast planning together, having someone to go to wedding expos with, compare details and plans etc. I think her ring is a little bigger than mine and her guy custom designed it. DH simply gave me his mom's ring. I was jealous of the effort her guy put in for about half a second. Our relationships are so different and it's silly to compare. I do love my ring. We did have to plan around each other's schedules for showers and bachelorette but it really wasn't a big deal. It worked out fine. Just relax and enjoy this fun time together. Plus you get to go first which is great cuz when yours is over you can just relax and enjoy hers.
The timing is incredibly unfortunate and I would feel the same way about having the responsibility of throwing shower/bachelorett right around my wedding time. The plus is that you'll be in the same place (planning wise) as she will the whole way so it will be great to have someone to consult with (and she should be ultra understanding about the fact that you are BUSY as well!)
I had a hard time with people that got married before us who had been together for less of a timespan. It was just something I couldn't shake, but it did subside once I got engaged. Hopefully yours will dissapate a little too once you're in the thick of your engagement. Hang in there!
@goldengrlbride: haha!! oh man that would be nuts, but my twin isnt seeing anyone now. So unless she meets someone and has a SUPER rushed dating/engagement, i think I'm in the clear.
@7-9-11bride: thank you :) I know its so silly to worry about. Honestly, I think being engaged just does something to you. Older women dont stare at each other's rings and get jealous. Heck half the time they dont even know what the other's ring looks like. I think its just an obsession during the planning time.
Honestly I know it'll be great to plan with her. And in 30 years, we arent going to think of how close our weddings are. Heck, this means we'll prob have kids at the same time. It is really nice to have a support system through life changes, I think I am just accustomed to having the "wedding spotlight" on me that its weird to share it.
@penguin: thank you! My FI and I have always loved the fact that we have such a long history, but its hard to stomach others getting engaged so fast.
We thought we were ready after a year, but wanted to wait to finish school. All the ups and downs have really tested our relationship and made it stronger. I just find it mind blowing that someone who still has foundational problems (like some trust issues) can make such a huge step.
It's not really a problem as long as you plan for it. Seven weeks may SEEM close, but it's not really that bad. If it's imporant to you, make it work. It just takes some extra coordination. I have a good friend's wedding (out of town) and my MOH's 30th birthday in the month leading up to my wedding. Of course, I'm trying to plan something amazing for her 30th. It's taking time, but she's my best friend. My wedding isn't an excuse to downplay a big event in her life.
Hmm....reading this I HOPE I haven't upset anybody in my life with my wedding plans. When I got engaged (June) I had been friends with my fiance for under 2 years, in a relationship with him for a little over a year and our wedding is booked for next year.
I can think of a few people I know who have been in a relationship a lot longer than we have, a couple who have been engaged longer than we have, yet not getting married for a few years after us, so I HOPE I haven't peed anyone off with our plans now lol.
As for rings...well I KNOW mine probably cost less as it is swarovski instead of diamonds but I still love it as it's so pretty and unique. Our wedding rings are costing more than my engagement ring and mine has a couple of diamonds in. Again I like the uniqueness because they're handmade, that is the only comparisson I ever really notice - how unique the ring/rings are. I wouldn't be worried if someone had a huuuuuuuge diamond and I don't. So i'm afraid i can't relate to that either lol.
Clashing dates - well that IS a bit annoying, but 7 weeks is 7 weeks - it's a long enough gap in the grand scheme of things. My FCIL tried to stop us getting married in September next year as his is supposed to be late October/early November. It annoyed me he thought he owned the months around it. I could understand a week or a couple of weeks but it was getting silly. Plus he was peeved we were getting married first when he had supposedly been in a relationship AND engaged longer (yet still hasn't planned anything towards the wedding). All it did was put our backs up, which makes me think you need to be careful here. A shower/bach party doesn't need TOO much organising maybe, but I would raise your concerns there - not by asking her to move it, but by saying you're worried about doing a good job as you will be so busy doing your own organising. Make it clear you want to do your best for her, but that you're concerned you're going to be snowed under and see if she has any suggestions.
Not sure what else to suggest, hope I didn't come across badly either.
@Spoonie: Well I can see where your cousin was coming from however. Wedding that are a few weeks apart ( or few months apart) are hard for family members. Maybe he was worried about the family members you would have that would have to travel to both weddings or the expenses they would incur . Not that I am saying you shouldn't get married then, however I can see his POV.
@Cheesy Potatoes: He's not my cousin, he's my fiance's cousin but guess we're 'nearly' cousins so it doesn't matter lol. We'll be getting married in the same town (where all the family live) so travelling is not an issue. He was more peeved that we were getting married before him than anything else. Despite the fact we announced we were engaged first he claims he was engaged in secret before us and that he had been with his fiance for a long time (when nobody is really sure how long it is as he didn't tell anyone until we were engaged). We had already decided September when he told us October/November. He could have moved his earlier if he wished, we wouldn't have minded but it was the fact he was laying claims to all the surrounding months that was annoying. We're getting married early September, so that's at least nearly 2 months away from his.
@acebride: I would say make it more of a bonding moment than anything. Your both getting married and it is a happy time in both of your lives.
My MOH and I got engaged within 2 months of eachother. Her wedding is November 2011, and mine was originally June 2012, but when we found out I was preggo (!) we moved mine to October 2011, 2 weeks before hers! I was terrified to even tell her, prepared to offer her an out and all that, but she's but nothing but awesome. Its been a blast having a wedding planning buddy, and I feel like I'm just eating/sleeping/breathing wedding stuff. It really can work with showers and stuff if you just plan ahead and both make a conscious effort to keep things fair. I thought it'd be a huge pain, but it actually is fun.
I got engaged in March 2010 and am getting married September 10. My best friend (she is a bridesmaid in my wedding, I am bridesmaid in hers, her mom is MOH) got engaged in Febrary 2011 and is getting married October 1 (destination wedding). She attended my shower in June and helped throw my bachelorette in July. I planned and threw a combination shower/bachelorette for her August 13, four weeks before my wedding. It will all work out, dont' worry! Just enjoy that you get to share the experience with your best friend. What could be better?
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So I am getting married this June, and I could not be more excited! I got engaged last December, so we are having a somewhat long engagement (though surely not as long as some, I know).
My best friend of 10 years JUST got engaged last week. I am over the moon for her and her FI, but I have some horrible nagging feelings. They havent even been together a year, and have had quite a few rough spots. I know that not every relationship is perfect, but its hard for me to swallow their engagement when my FI and I have been together almost 4 years. And here is the shallowest thing of all (I admit it :( ).... her ring is bigger. I know it shouldnt matter and it doesnt mean anything and all that, but I cant help it! It just bothers me that my FI has worked so hard and been through so much, and hers just ups and buys her this huge rock in less than a year. There are differences (mine is platinum, hers is gold, the cut, clarity, etc), but those are things that I dont see when the ring stares at me from across the table.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to have someone understand the exciting times we will both go through. Itll be great to plan and talk together. And she really is my best friend. I feel so horrible admiting this selfishnesses, but I have to get it out somewhere.
Now add on top of that, I am her MOH (my twin is mine, otherwise it would be her). I am so excited and am already thinking about her shower. HOWEVER, she wants her wedding to be next August. Yep, thats going to be about 7 weeks after mine. The timing is so hard bc if I want to throw her a shower, bach party, etc., it will either be right before my wedding (even more for me to do!) or less than a few weeks before hers (FI and I are going on a honeymoon right after we get married). I mean, she hasnt even spoken with venues yet but she is so set on next summer.
How do I handle my stupid jealousy and the timing of our weddings? I want to be an amazing MOH, but also know I'm going to be doing a TON of things for my own wedding. Not to mention the cost of everything (FI and I are paying for a LOT), plus FI and I just bought a house.
Any advice from other bees who have been in this same situation? help!