Post # 1
So I will preface this by saying that while I do believe in the “its your day do what makes you happy” idea I also think that when you involve others you MUST take their needs and wants into consideration as well…..
to set the stage all of my friends are in their late 20s/early 30s so its been “wedding season” for the past 4 yrs with 4-6 weddings per year and almost all of them are “mini-destination” types (so 2-8 hr drives) with a few of us having another wedding both the weekend before and after this event
Basically a friend is getting married and she wants a camp weekend wedding….at first this sounded cool. Then we find out that the cabins are very ummmm “rustic” bc its an actual kids camp so 8 to a cabin, bunk beds, bath house in the middle of the “quad” style. Now don’t get me wrong camping and nature is ok but I mean we like in NYC area so its not exactly my cup of tea but its a friend and well I can rough it for a day or two. Yesterday we get an email bc the wedding is in 5 weeks and no invites have been printed/sent (not my style but whatever I don’t need a piece of paper) telling us the details…. its $250/ per person to sleep in these cabins!!!! I didn’t expect it to be free but to say that my jaw hit the floor when I saw that is an understatement
Now I don’t want to sounds like a you-know-what but this isn’t cool… basically they are asking that we subsidize the food/drinks etc bc I know for a fact that the cabin rentals are more like $200 per cabin (and with $250 x 8 = $2000 that is $1800 that someone is pocketing. Not to mention that 400 ppl are invited to this wedding so its not like I am her “nearest and dearest” (to be honest she isn’t invited to my wedding bc we are friends but I can only invite my VERY GOOD friends)
many of my friends decide that we just can’t/don’t want to swing it bc of the inconvenience, cost and just lack of comfort/amenities so we are going to stay in the local hotel instead ($145/night for 2 double beds or a king) ….. and the bride flipped. Basically she wants everyone uninvited, made a big fuss about how everyone is ruining her wedding (& called ppl to tell them that) and how its “only” $250 and what is the big deal… Then it comes out that if we don’t pay the $250 pp and show up we can’t eat/drink? Um for real?
I mean is it me or it this so crazy? Should someone close (MOH is our BFF) to the bride tell her the truth (that this is nuts and she can’t ask ppl to pay admission to her wedding) or just keep quite but stick to our hotel plan (or should we suck it up and just pay and let her get her way?)
Post # 3
I honestly just wouldn’t go. It doesn’t sound like you are super close to her. I wouldn’t tell her that what she’s doing is unreasonable, it seems like she’s going to do it anyway. I would just send in my regrets that I was unable to attend, and maybe send a small gift.
You’re not over-reacting. What she’s doing is uncool, but I wouldn’t get involved in trying to make her see that.
Post # 4
Just don’t go to anything. That’s nutty.
Post # 6
@kate02121: agreed! I just wouldn’t go. The bride will figure it out herself how unreasonable she’s being when no one shows up.
Post # 7
@littlemisshostess: there is no way that i would pay $250 each of my hard earned money to sleep in a rustic cabin with 8 people. that sounds outrageous.
if she doesn’t want you to eat or drink b/c you are not “paying”, then simply don’t go. this is really not acceptable.
i am curious to know if anyone has told her how rude this is.
Post # 9
I’m getting a little bit of deja vu with the thread the other week about guests paying a $100 cover charge at the reception. This is kind of similar – the bride expects people to pony up the money to be a part of her wedding weekend. The idea of a camping weekend is really cool and I’m sure the guests will enjoy it, but she is unreasonable to expect that all 400 guests will be on board with this decision. It’s hard enough to get 400 people together for a few hours at a traditional reception. I also wonder if she’s factored in any older, disabled, or just non-outdoorsy guests who may not be suited for camping. My guest list is 80 people and there are several guests who I know wouldn’t be able to participate.
$250 per person is a lot of money for bare-bones lodging and I seriously doubt you’re the only guests who have raised an eyebrow at this. I can see why she may need more money for food and activities for the guests, but that’s something she should have budgeted for before deciding to do a wedding weekend. I personally wouldn’t go, and I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. The bride wants the camping weekend and if guests want to participate, then more power to them, but she should also be prepared for the consequences of some guests wanting to use other lodging options.
Post # 10
@littlemisshostess: Like you said, it’s her day and her problem. She is not a close/good friend of yours, so who cares what she does? Having said that, I just wouldn’t go. Not worth the cost, inconvenience, or annoyances for someone you aren’t even very close to (I wouldn’t sleep there even for a good friend – you can find me at the Hilton, thanks).
It’s her wedding and she can do what she wants, but that doesn’t mean others have to like it or participate. When people decline, she will either realize she’s crazy or just think everyone else is (more likely option). I completely agree with you that this is nuts and I would absolutely pass.
Post # 11
so far everyone has been keeping quiet but its hard when the bride is basically telling you how you suck for ruining her wedding! last night it took literally every ounce of strength in my body to not burst out you are the crazy one not me!!!!
I think you ladies might be right – we really are friends (ie she comes to my house often, we are in same circle of friends, we are both Bridesmaid or Best Man in her MOH’s wedding new summer etc but we don’t really talk/text each other) so we really did want to be there for her wedding but I can’t do that when I am feeling walked all over!
(also for the record I guess that she expected/ is ok w her older relatives/ parents friends staying at the hotel she just assumed that all her friends would be ok w camping)
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I would just decline the invite and do nothing more. Just “$250” not really, add in your cost of maybe buying a new dress to wear, whatever other incidental travel expenses you have to get there from the city, as well as a wedding gift. It could end up in total costing you a lot more than “just $250”. The only time I have ever spent that much to go to a wedding was when I was IN the wedding as part of the bridal party!
Post # 13
Personally, I wouldn’t attend. She’s ruining her own wedding by being unreasonable. $250 is a lot of money for most people these days, and that’s not including travel costs.
Post # 14
@littlemisshostess: $250/person for camping with 8 people in a cabin unreal!! I think it’s crazy that she expects people will be completely fine with paying that to “rough it”, but I think the even crazier part is that she accuses people of “ruining her wedding” over looking into other lodging options. You cannot be that controlling over your guests. Personally, when attending a wedding I think your two responsibilities are to show up with a smile on your face and bring a gift. Nowhere in there should be forced to stay at XYZ lodging, and not be allowed to look into other options, especially when said lodging is extremely overpriced. Plus, as others have said, it’s not “just” $250. You have to factor in all of the travelling expenses, gift, new dress and/or shoes, etc. I would politely decline, and hopefully she sees in hindsight how crazy and unrealistic she was.
Post # 15
Stand your ground and tell her you intended to stay in a hotel. If she says that you stating in a hotel means you cannot come to the wedding, then so be it. It sucks that this friendship will probably die, but honestly it can’t be that great of a friendship if she will end it over you not staying in an overpriced communal cabin for her wedding weekend.
Post # 16
I just wouldn’t go, that’s insane.
$250 * 400 people = $100,000
400 people / 8 to a cabin * $200 per cabin = $10,000 for the cabins
That leaves $90,000 for the wedding and reception.
Maybe I would go – should be one HELL OF A PARTY!