Post # 1
So ladies, I’m feeling totally ignored by the bride! I feel like it’s usually the other way around. We’ve been friends for almost 8 years and were even roommates for one year. We’ve always been good friends but a year ago when I got married I didn’t have her as my BM. I know she was hurt but she wasn’t one of my closet friends.
I actually think that helped our friendship because she realized we’d drifted apart (with no hard feeelings) and sort of reminded her that friendships require a little effort. She began making plans with me more and it seemed like we were getting closer again. fast forward a couple months after my wedding and she engaged! And she asked me to be a BM! I am thrilled!
But since that point she hasn’t talked to me at all except through group emails to all the bridesmaids. I call her to catch up and she never returns my calls.she only calls me when she has a planning question cause i just planned my wedding in the same city. Meanwhile, she calls her other bm (our mutual friend) to catch up all the time because the other BM is always saying “I talked to the bride last night, did you hear she booked a caterer”.
l don’t know what’s up. I’ve tried so many times in the last couple months. I call and leave messages to see how planning, new job, etc are going. I send emails. I post fun things that I think she will like on Facebook! I just can’t figure out why she has abandoned our friendship. I’m starting to feel like I’m just a placeholder in her wedding because she wanted even BM and GM… what should I do…
Post # 3
It almost sounds like this has nothing to do with the wedding, or being a BM etc. this is about you and her, your friendship and how your feel like she isn’t really in it. She is obviously busy with planning and working out details. If it’s bothering you just make extra effort, it can’t hurt. Maybe suggest activites you can do together invilving wedding details or maybe something to giver her a day off of wedding planning. If you want to be the one she talks to, then just make it so. How many BM does she have? I can see that if there are many of you she may not want to repeat the news or progress several times. I’m having 6 and I can tell you it is going to be alot of group emails. I’m also worried that I’m all wedding talk and maybe some of my BM aren’t as into my wedding as they are into real life details. Hope that gives you some food for thought. I`ve been in a similar situation and she will come around when she needs you.
Post # 4
@MissTurtle27: I felt the same way when I was a BM for my only sister. I pretty much had to beg her to let me be her BM. Reason? Because she is my only sister and I want to help her as much as I could…and I did: from bridal shower, bacheloratte party, to the actual wedding day — I even spent 2 weeks making her an amazing wedding present that everyone loved… at the end, not even a Thank You from her. After the wedding, she invited all her BMs to see her wedding picture except me.
It sucks…I always think of family first…but I realized, when the other person just doesn’t care for you…it doesn’t matter how much you give.
Well, I’m glad that’s done and over with…now..It’s my turn to get marry next year and I’m still debating if I should ask my sister to be a BM…knowing she doesn’t even care for my happiness.
I’d say if you love your friend…suck it up and just deal with it. Do it for yourself so you’ll have no regrets in the future. You’ve done everything you can.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t worry about it. I just booked my photographer, and didn’t call up all my BMs. It’s not that I don’t want them to know, its just that there are so many details that go with a wedding, that I don’t want to have to call up my 7 BMs everytime I decide something. My BM’s aren’t really helping me plan much other then what dress they will wear. Its not because I don’t love them, they are far away, and I don’t want to deal with putting together a schedule, and I’m more of a “I’ll do it myself to get it done fast” person.
So in other words, I wouldn’t take too much offense to it. Just keep doing what your doing and supporting her, letting her know you are there to help. That always feels good.
Post # 6
I know that its a crazy time. I got married a little over a year ago and had 7 bridesmaids. I guess my problem is that she doesn’t make any time to maintain our friendship unless she needs something from me, and that’s only been 2-3 times in 9 months.
But, she has time to talk to the other bridesmaids and maintain friendships with them. We basically have no friendship at this point. If she talked to no one, then I would just assume she’s busy and overwhelmed. But, she does have time for other friendships and that’s what sucks.
I just have a hard time standing up for someone as a bridesmaid who has only sent me a few group emails to make sure we buy dresses and 2-3 times to ask me to do a wedding errand for her since I live in the place she’s getting married and she doesn’t.
I’ve tried and tried. I’m pretty sure once her wedding is over, I won’t hear from her at all. For that reason, I feel like I’m just a place holder. She has real friendships with the other girls but not with me anymore.
@iMechie, I am just sucking it up and dealing with it. I don’t want to pick a fight with her or anything, especially before her wedding. I care about her. I’ve resolved that after her wedding and honeymoon, I’ll put the ball in her court. If she doesn’t want to call or write, then i’ll stop trying.
I’m just so confused because this is a way different experience than I’ve had being a BM before or with my own BM’s. Those are girls I talk too. It may be a text, or a FB post or any other 30 seconds of my day but I know that I’m at least on their radar on a regular basis.
Post # 7
that sounds fair and really is all you can do. Sorry you feel this way, that sucks. 🙁
Post # 8
I don’t like my bridesmaids involvement, they took over way to much in the begining (got the idea that they were suppose to of this site )
Anyway, self confessed bitch time! – I have majorly drifted from one of my bms since I asked her in a fit of newly engaged excitement. I’d still like her to be at the wedding but over the last 3months I’ve only seen her a couple of times at church, oh and she rang me a couple of weeks to let us know that the minister had cheated on his wife and the church was falling apart. and before that I didnt see her over summer, and before that I didnt see her all that much in the last year.she’s gone from being one of my best friends to someone who I doubt I’ll see once we’re married. So yeh…I’ve emailed a couple of times suggesting dresses and one major outpouring of emotions but I’ve not heard from her. I’m going to leave it to be honest, maybe several months down the line at around the year mark I’m going to kick up the painful conversation of “so it’s a year to go and we havnt really spoken, so I’m just checking whether you still feel comfortable being a bridesmaid? It’s ok if your not feeling it, I’d still love for you to be there.”
I’m even hoping that she may jump the gun, perhaps you need to bring up a heart to heart with the bride to?