Post # 1
My dear friend of 15 years is getting married in two weeks. I am a bridesmaid in her wedding and I’ve been the only bridesmaid who is actively helping her prepare for the event.
Yesterday was my birthday, and she forgot all about it. No call or text or anything.
I know she is super busy right now, and it is so easy to get caught up in all the wedding planning. But I’ve been giving her so much of my time in preparation for her big day, and I feel hurt that she completely forgot my birthday.
Do I have a right to feel upset? I’d like to get some perspective on the situation.
Post # 3
@marie_antoinette: Does she usually acknowledge your birthday? Had you mentioned your birthday was coming up or talked about what you were going to do for your birthday?
I know that I sometimes miss friend’s birthdays just because I am really bad at keeping track of them. I know that probably makes me a bad friend, but I usually end up relying on facebook to tell me when it’s someone’s birthday (especially if I’m not in the same city as they are).
Post # 4
yes…you have a right to be upset. she is your friend first and foremost. i probably wouldn’t say anything and just forgive, because she’s super busy, but it would be hard to forget that if you are really close.
Post # 5
Any time a close friend forgets your birthday it’s upsetting. The fact that she’s getting married in a few weeks is really no excuse. Sure, she’s stressed out and probably under a lot of pressure but it takes all of 10 seconds to send a “Happy Birthday!” text. I’d try not to let it bother you but I don’t blame you for feeling a bit crappy.
Fwiw, happy belated birthday!
Post # 6
Honestly, I never remember anyone’s birthday. Unless she as a track record of remembering birthdays well, I’d just mention it in passing (“Hey, my birthday was last week, want to go out for drinks to celebrate?”) and leave it at that. She’s probably super stressed and overwhelmed, and feeling bad about missing a birthday won’t help that.
Post # 7
I would be upset, but I would forgive and maybe just gently bring it up in passing. Like, tell her how you went out for your birthday or how you got a great gift from a SO or parent. I’m sure she will apologize up and down at her error.
Post # 8
Oh no! I don’t blame you for being upset.
I got married the day after my best friend’s birthday, so my rehearsal dinner was on her birthday. I tried as hard as I could to make sure she knew I hadn’t forgotten, that I did appreciate her, and that I did care about her birthday.
Post # 9
Some folks are just bad at remembering birthdays (if I don’t see it on my facebook wall, I will totally forget). Today was my own MOM’s bday, and I nearly blanked!
Like a PP said, maybe just casually mention grabbing drinks or something to celebrate (or be a little passive and mention how your SO/mom/etc went out for your birthday and you got a free dessert, whatever). I’m sure she totally just forgot. And yes, it’s hurtful, but with so many friends and so much going on with her, she could be forgetting a lot of things that are important to her. I would try not sweat it or be upset, even though it stings a bit.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone. I appreciate the comments. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being selfish since it’s her big day coming up.
My friend does have a tendency to be absent-minded, which is just magnified on top of the wedding planning, so I’m going to let it slide and not be too upset about it.
There will be many more birthdays (I hope!) 🙂
Post # 11