Post # 1
So, I thought we were decided on the venue. Gorgeous 8 bedroom house DW for 30-35. (Sleeps 32 so just a few not staying). I am thrilled and knee deep in planning.
Well, this weekend we went with his sister to her wedding tasting. He LOVES her ball room venue and the idea of a 125+ guest wedding. Well, that’s fine and dandy but it’s costing her $10,000 for 40 guests so we’d be looking at $31,000+ to do a similar. larger wedding.
Our budget is $6-8K. Tops! He is now completely turned off by a DW and keeps mentioning “You’d invite a lot more people if it was local.” Well, yeah but I WANT it to be intimate with people I acutally hang out with and not someone I haven’t seen in a year.
He also keeps repeating that “No one will drive 2.5 hours to a DW.” My argument is 32 people is sleeping in the house!! Only 4-8 extra will be invited and I really don’t think they’d mind getting a $75 hotel for the night if they truly wanted to be apart of our day. With 10 months advanced notice at that.
I feel like I am SO laid back and I usually go with the flow to avoid conflict. But, this time I want to stomp my feet and scream “IT’S MY WAY!! Shut up and trust me!” But that’s rude. I just know that if I caved and said okay to a larger wedding, I would be stressed to the max planning/DIY/researching/cutting corners to find affordable options while he was “Okay’ed” what I showed him.
I kind of want to play devil’s advocare and get quotes for a larger wedding and spread it all out in front of him and say “Okay, well based on all this, we have to save $2000 per month and I need your portion on the 3rd of each month for deposits.” 🙂
What do you do when your vision and your FI’s vision is polar opposite? I’m 100% confident that this decision is right for *us* but he’s stubborn. (We will save a ton of money, he loves relaxed times vs formal events, we want to buy a house soon after etc)
Any advice is appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
I would smile and tell him if he can come up with the additional $$$$s – then you will think about it.
Post # 4
Just curious, are you sleeping in the house too? As in, are you spending your wedding night a few feet away from all of your guests? Also, who gets to stay in the house? Is it first come first serve?
Post # 5
He’s nuts. Your idea is way better. My SO would take my word for it. Hopefully you can talk some sense into him. Plus, the wedding is only 2.5 hrs away? That’s a very nearby destination wedding, and you have a place for most of the people to sleep.
I recently attended a wedding that was a 2 hour drive away, and some of the guests got to stay in a big farmhouse the bride’s family rented (my SO and I were 2 of the lucky ones). It was awesome! The wedding lasted until 1 am or so. it was the most fun I’ve ever had at a wedding.
Post # 6
I would start with guest list and who he thinks he all wants there. Price out a wedding including those people at a venue he likes. Maybe that alone will be enough to get him to compromise a little bit more. I do think that the two of you can meet in the middle. maybe a little bit more formal venue closer to home, with a more people. But not as large and formal as a fancy ballroom wedding.
Post # 7
@asscherlover: It’s a 3 story, 9500 hundred sq ft home and we’ll have the top floor master suite.
Our guests will consist of parents, siblings, and 3 couples that are super close friends. And they’re not paying to stay or anything. 0.1 mile down the road is a hotel for everyone else.
I did think about our wedding night being in a house with 32 other people but we’ve lived together for 3 years so I’m sure it wont be chocolate covered strawberries and doves flying around us while Seal’s playing in the background 😉 But, we will be leaving 2 days later for a honeymoon.
Post # 8
@sweetdee522: We looked at doing something like that, but DH wanted all these people to come, plus My family were all coming from OOT anyways and I wanted them to be able to get in the Ocean at the time of our wedding, March.
I showed him a ton of rental houses for the wedding, and he kept saying not big enought. He wanted them ALL to stay with us or in the condo’s next to us. So i dropped it in HIS lap. I told him i’d do what he wanted BUT we had $5k to play with.
sigh … he found a place that did ceremony and food for 80 for 2500.00. Maybe you should drop it in his lap to figure out.
Where are y’all looking for rentals in nove?
Post # 9
@HisIrishPrincess: It’s in Destin, Fl. So, the temps will still be nice (75 day, 60 night avg) and the pool is heated too. I mean how can you say no to this?!
Post # 10
@sweetdee522: I was mostly worried about people trying to follow you up to your suite, or not letting you leave the party, or waking you up super early the next morning.
I do want to live in that house now though. Its gorgeous.
Post # 11
TO – sweetdee522: gotta say GORGEOUS Venue !!
Ya, I’d stick with YOUR Plan…
BUT I do understand where he is coming from. Sometimes you see what someone else is doing, and it stirs up ideas.
The nice thing is your Wedding (as in the two of you) will be different to his Sister’s… which lets face it is what a couple usually wants, THEIR Wedding to stand apart from the crowd (and it looks to me like yours will)
As much as it will be extra work, I think you need to do some research in costing for a 125 person ballroom wedding… so he can actually see in black & white (and RED the colour of ink you’ll be in debt with) what it would cost to have such an affair.
Money always seems to sway men… lol
Communicating is the other key when a couple isn’t always on the same page in regards to vision… I know Mr TTR and I have found that at times in the Wedding Plans that we aren’t always “seeing the same thing”. Talking it out has helped. A good couple learns that compromise is important in a Wedding as much as it is in marriage. Maybe find out what is the “vibe” about a Ballroom Wedding that appeals to him, and see if you can’t incorporate some of that into the Destination Wedding.
And oh ya, gotta agree with the other Bees, 2 or 3 hours out of town, isn’t a big deal. And the Destination / Venue looks amazing… I’d certainly want to go. March in Florida should be terrific, and this house / mansion a knock-out for a Wedding & Party !!
Post # 12
Good ideas, ladies. I’m currently collecting the cost of what he wants and going to present him a cute little folder of crushed dreams 🙂