Post # 1
Both my friend and I are getting married in the next couple of months. We are Bridesmaids in eachothers wedding. I’m a really laid back bride. My goal for my Bridesmaids was to be considerate and have them spend as little as possible. I told them that they could wear their hair any way they wanted, wear whatever shoes they want and wear their own jewelry. My friend on the other hand, is polar opposite. Which is fine, but she is not being considerate AT ALL. Money isnt an issue for me. I’m upset because she wants us to wear 6 inch heels. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE HEELS.. But I can’t wear them. I was in a horseback riding accident years ago that has done all kinds of damage to my body, including my back (pinched nerve) that travels all the way down my left leg. I have no strength in my left ankle, which means every time I wear heels, I fall and/or twist my ankle. My friend is getting married in a feild which has no walkway down the aisle. It’s all grass. My friend has known about this injury as I never wore heels and have explained this to her. I decided to ask if she’d be ok if I got a different pair of shoes in the same color. Instead of writing me back, she got her cousin (MOH) to write me back telling me that it would look weird if I had a different pair of shoes on (the dresses are long so I don’t know how anyone would know). Her cousin also suggested I start practicing wearing heals on grass and I need to purchase the shoes.
I don’t know what to do at this point. I am getting anxiety even thinking about wearing these heels. I can just see myself face planting down the aisle and her being furious with me. No amount of practicing wearing heels will make me able to walk in them. I have tried physio and different therapies on my leg and ankle over the years and NOTHING works. Am I being unreasonable? Should I buy these heels and hope and pray that I don’t fall or should I request stepping down from being a Bridesmaid? It doesn’t sound like she cares and I feel like if I keep trying that her cousin will just keep b*tching me out. 🙁 HELP!!
Post # 2
You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. They think it will be weird if you aren’t in heels? How would they feel if you faceplanted and hurt yourself?
I would tell her that you are sorry but you just cannot wear heels and no amount of practicing will change the fact that you have life long complications from your accident.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
I would politely decline being in her wedding if she knows about your injury and doesn’t care. I can’t imagine a ‘friend’ of mine insisting that I be in pain just for her pleasure.
Post # 4
I don’t think many people can walk in 6 inch heels, injury or not! That’s crazy!!! Stay strong! Hopefully your friend will have a realistic moment in which she realizes she’s being unkind and not appropriate. Don’t budge on this.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park
Tell her to shove her heels.
Post # 6
taylorg123 : 6 inch heels?! Can you post a pic?
She’s crazy if she thinks anyone will be able to walk with heels in grass. They’ll sink!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
taylorg123 : Wow. That is very rude and inconsiderate. I can’t wear 6 inch heels. I wore flats for my own wedding (eventhough I had always dreamed of a particular pair of heels). I have a knee injury and can only tolerate heels for maybe an hour before the pain becomes unbearable and/or my knee buckles. Unless they’re very small heels.
So, I can empathize. I would respond to MOH saying “Bride knows that I have an injury and I am unable to wear heels. Unfortunately all the practice in the world won’t fix my injury. I don’t see how anyone would notice in a floor length gown. However, I will follow up with her personally.” then I would reach out to the bride and say “I would prefer to speak directly with you regarding the shoes instead of a third party. You know how bad my injury is and how much I really want to be able to wear the lovely heels you picked, but unfortunately my injury prohibits me from being able to wear them. I’m sure you wouldn’t like to have me faceplant walking down the aisle. I will have to find an alternative shoe. I will pick the same color and nobody will really notice since our dresses are long. Would you like to go shopping with me, or should I pick them myself?”
Post # 8
How inconsiderate of her. I would seriously consider bowing out because I never wear heels anyway and would feel extremely uncomfortable and in actual pain if I were forced, why would someone who cares about you want that for you.
Post # 9
taylorg123 : given their reaction, i would probably just buy different shoes in the same color and not tell them. like you said – long dress, no one will see anyway. the bride won’t even be thinking of your shoes on her wedding day.
Post # 10
She sounds so rude!! My SIL got married on the side of a hill, you had to walk down the hill to get to the seating area and then back up to get to the reception area. Oh and did I tell you, these were the steepest hills ever? so one misstep your ass was going straight into that pond at the bottom. And my SIL had her bridesmaids wear these crazy ass heels as well BUT they were well aware of the conditions and in fact had walked on them quite a few times because it’s the area they live in. So they were well prepared for it. The guests however were not.
I think the fact that she doesn’t care about your injury says a lot about her and I’d question if I wanted her as a friend personally myself.
Post # 11
I would do one of two things. First, tell her it’s a deal breaker because of your condition & if she’s adamant on heels then step down as a bridesmaid or second, but a different pair in the same color & just nit tell her.
Expecting e eryone to wear 6 in heels is ludicrous.
Post # 12
i’m a heel girl and can wear 4-5 inch heels all day long (and usually do) but even I might struggle with 6 inches — especially in grass! That’s getting close to some lady gaga shit.
can you post a picture?? how many other bms are there? surely you can’t be only one with an objection to this! you are definitely not being unreasonable.
Post # 13
I would tell her either you’re wearing different shoes because of your injury, or you can’t be a bridesmaid.
Post # 14
“Hi bride, I know you’ve got your heart set on all of us wearing the beautiful shoes you’ve picked out, but I’m afraid I just can’t wear them without being in excruciating pain. Here’s a photo of the shoes that I’m going to wear instead. I know you’ll understand and agree that I shouldn’t cause serious and permanent damage my back/legs/feet to wear these shoes for a few hours. Love ya and can’t wait for the wedding.”
Post # 15
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I think your friend is being unfair. Especially since she knew about your reasoning and you said the dresses are too long to even see the heels. The only thing I can think of is she was hoping to do a picture with the heels included. Its a waste of money but if that is the case, you could buy the heels… wear them for the picture and switch back to safer shoes. Or could you buy the heels and chop the heel part off? 😛
Honestly, you are not being selfish… you are being realistic about your limitations and putting your health first. I would try to arrange a face to face meeting. It seems silly that an exception can’t be made and its actually kind of sad that you feel you might need to step down as bridesmaid because of it. No one is even going to be thinking about the shoes the day of the wedding… (well except the unfortunate souls who have to wear them)