Post # 1
Ok, here it goes:
A very very good friend of mine is getting married in one month. I am in the wedding (just a bridesmaid, her sister is MOH). To say the bride is a tomboy is an understatement. I’ve never seen her wear makeup or jewelry other than her ering and I’ve known her since childhood.
Here’s the dilemma: She has decided because she’s on a tight budget for the wedding, that she’d like to cut some expenses and just do her makeup herself. She went out and bought a bunch of makeup and said she would do a trial and then show us all. IT LOOKED HORRIBLE. There was bright blue eyeshadow, cherry pink blush, and………choke, GLITTER. Oh my goodness it was a mess. Clearly she has no idea what she’s doing, but she honestly thought she looked amazing. We were all just kind of stunned into silence.
She is a sensitive soul. She puts on a tough show but inside she really can’t take critisism, it wounds her deeply. None of us was brave enough that night to say a word. Afterwards we all felt like we were doing her a disservice by not leading her in a better direction. Her sister told her that the makeup colours she chose “probably wouldn’t photograph well” and yet the bride seemed to be missing the point.
I decided to take a different approach and told her that she deserved to be pampered on her wedding day and I would hire a makeup artist as my gift to her. No go. She said she didn’t think it was necessary for me to spend money on something she had already gone out and bought makeup for. I insisted, she declined.
So bees, where do we go from here? Do we just let her do her own thing (it’s her wedding after all) ? Are we bad friends if we let her walk down the aisle looking like a clown? I thought about telling her she looks beautiful au naturel and doesn’t need makeup but I fear that will be lost on her too. Do we just cut to the chase and risk hurting her feelings by trying to tell her she’s bad at it in a light and humorous way?
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to be a bad friend.
Post # 3
Maybe you and the other bridesmaids can pitch in so it’s not as extravagant of a gift from just one person? Or you can offer to do it for her, stress the importance of her being pampered on her wedding day and not stressing about the makeup.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
@lavenderstone: could you offer to do her make up for her yourself? I did that for a friend of mine who never wears make up. I’m no professional but it looked nice.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@Ms_Purple: +1! Offer to do a trial for her yourself, and if she loves it, tell her you want to do it for her on her wedding day! Maybe she’ll be more into that idea?
Post # 6
@LMD: Excellent idea ladies! I will give that a go. Thank you!
Post # 7
@lavenderstone: Pretend that you have a friend of a friend who is trying to get into wedding makeup. “Would you mind if she does your wedding, for free, so she can build up her portfolio?” Then hire someone and tell her about the lie.
Post # 8
I also rarely wear makeup and decided to do my own makeup for my wedding. But I’ve luckily got pretty thick skin.
I would focus on the biggest couple things, and be specific, then offer to show her what you might suggest, then offer to do her makeup on wedding day.
“I think that blush may be a little too pink, and I think your eyes might look better with a more neutral color rather than blue. You’re just so pretty naturally, I want you to still look like you! You know, I think I’ve got some eyeshadow and blush that might look really good. Could I come over on Satruday and show you what I mean? Then you can see what you like better. And I can even hep putting on on wedding day since you’ll be so stressed with a million things to think about!”
But also realize that what really matters is her oppinion. The most important things is that she (and maybe her fiance) thinks she looks amazing. When I did my trials and posted on bee I got tons of helpful comments, but I also had lots of people tell me that the makeup was okay for everyday wear but wasn’t dramatic enough for a wedding. But what they didn’t understand is that when you don’t wear makeup on a daily basis, any makeup is dramatic! It’s just a matter of having a different base point. So don’t stress too much if you don’t think she looks as amazing as she could if she got a pro. If she thinks she looks great, then she’ll be confident and that’s more attractive than any makeup. But bravo to you for being such a good friend and watching out for her!
Post # 9
Perhaps her sister can offer to do her make-up as part of being mmaid of honour.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
This is a tough one. I would probably keep trying to tell her in a nice way, but it does sound like you’ve all tried that. If she really does think that she looks beautiful, I guess that’s all that matters. I mean, if she loved a dress that everyone else hated, I’d feel the same way; that if she loves it, she should wear it.
What about her fiance? Has he seen the makeup trial? Will he like it? That might be your only leverage left. If he doesn’t like it, that will probably sway her.
Post # 11
If she thinks she looks pretty the way she did it, that’s all that matters.
So many brides choose a look I’d be humiliated to be seen in, but if they’re smiling from ear to ear about it, well, it’s their wedding, isn’t it? Though hopefully their groom feels the same way about it… it’s his wedding too.
Maybe ask her to show her groom her makeup and ask him what he thinks. Other than that I’d let it go.
Post # 12
@KoiKove: +100 for brilliance!
Post # 13
If she thought she looked beautiful then what does it really matter?
Post # 14
@lavenderstone: What if you suggested she do a trial and you and the other BM’s can attend and have a big makeup night? Then, after she applies frikkin’ glitter (gross!) and announces she is beautimous, you can give her some kind words and tips. In fact… you could wipe her face clean and try your own application. Would you be willing to do her makeup? She might be more comfortable with that approach.
Either that or cut to the damn chase.
Post # 16
Get all the other bridesmaids and/or moms etc. to get theirs professionally done and then she will feel left out. That’s what my family did to me haha but minus the blue eyeshadow and glitter…