- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
Upcoming bride looking for a little advice going forward.
I’m having a hard time ‘telling’ people what I want. I didn’t really think anything of it, but seems my MoH may be a little miffed and Future Mother-In-Law might be planning a shower that I would not be okay with.
To start with the MoH:
She’s asked me a few times about what I want in terms of a bachelorette and what the Ring Bearer and Flower Girl should wear, and details of this nature. For the bachelorette, I didn’t really give her or my BMs any real rules or guidelines. There isn’t really anything that I feel I would be disappointed in. I said as long as it doesn’t result with me in any inappropriate or compromising positions (just sort of as a joke) then everything was fair game. It’s just not my nature to TELL people what they have to do for me. I mean, would I love for my girls to show up Friday and take off to Vegas (or some other far off destination), throw caution to the wind and have a blast. Of course! BUT all that comes with a cost, and one I’m not comfortable asking anyone to spend. All I said was, I would be good with anything ranging from a spa night in to a cooking class to a night out on the town (in or out of town). But I wanted her to get a feel from the group of what they’d also feel comfortable with. I guess she was looking for more than that from me, because she sounded pretty frustrated with me on the phone tonight that I wasn’t giving more direction.
Her kids are also our Flower Girl and Ring Bearer, and she did ask me what they should wear, but again, I don’t feel comfortable telling her she MUST spend another ?[insert dollar amount here] to outfit her children. All I said was, if you have dress pants and a collared shirt that would work for Ring Bearer, and if you already own a dress for Flower Girl that is cute, that would be fine, or really whatever you’re comfortable with. We talked a bit about colours and I suggested white or pink, but really that was all the guidance I gave. I just trust her, and know her kids wouldn’t show up in sweat pants or pjs, so really I trust that whether she spent $30 or $150, I knew the kids would be properly dressed.
Am I being too vague or not direct enough? It’s just I’ve been in wedding parties and travelled to NY, Vegas, MTL and beyond for bachelorettes, I’ve purchased the $300 dresses and once spent just shy of $3000 on all the wedding related functions for a girlfriend of mine – and did it all with a smile, but I remember feeling just the littlest (gasp) resentful, at times, when money just seemed to be going out faster than it was coming in. Looking back, I’m obviously not resentful now, and truly cherish the memories, but I just remember the feeling and never wanted to make others feel that way when it was my turn around.
I guess my MoH feels I should be more vocal about what it is I want and tell people what to do, but it just sorta makes me feel uncomfortable telling people to take me out for dinner and drinks or wisk me away for the weekend.
As for the Future Mother-In-Law and shower – I didn’t quite fully understand the conversation, but there was more than just her and I at dinner and I didn’t want to make it a whole thing in front of everyone, but I think she was basically suggesting a bridal shower at a restaurant and guests would pay for their own lunch. This makes me super uncomfortable and I would not like this at all. With this situation I don’t mind talking to her one and one and telling her that I wouldn’t be okay with that approach, but again, when she said she wanted to host a shower I didn’t really think I had to spell everything out for everyone. On another note – has anyone ever been to a shower where they were either expected to bring food to or go out to a restaurant and pay. This is definitely NOT customary in my family/circle but thought I’d check.
Any thoughts? Am I being TOO laid back? And for the record, I’m not taking this ‘laissez-faire’ approach with the wedding. I know EXACTLY what I want, and willing to pay for it, but I don’t expect everyone around me to spend the way I do:)