Bride looking for a little advice

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i would not be comfortable where the host of the shower expects everyone else to pay for food.. i would tell mil more direct about what i would like… is there a way you can go to moh house and look through her daughters dresses and pick your favorite so she has some sort of direction from you. i know you dont want to ruffle feathers but sometimes more commincation is best.

Post # 4
689 posts
Busy bee

You need to give pple guidance bc they are going to be worried about upsetting you. you don’t have to spell it out perfectly for them, but give them some ballpark. Tell your MOH you don’t want pple spending more than X each bc you feel uncomfortable asking for more than that.  

For the shower, if you don’t want anyone paying for their own food, you need to speak up now. 

Post # 6
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@amRN:  Here is my thought. The people who love you want to make you happy. They dont want you to be dissapointed and frankly if you stay mum I bet you might be.  Surely you have some expectations and they sound like theyd be reasonable. Just come up with a few guidelines. Get someone to help brainstorm if you need it.


FG+RB- find them a picture reference that you like (clarify its just  an idea for the style- not that she has to find the dress). Then just say _____ color for her, and a suit/khakisbuttondown/minitux whatever for him. and dont spend too much!


Bachy- Give a vague hint: ( Night out on the town ? Sleepover at hotel suite? Dinner and a show? Whatever.) Shes asking you because shes praying you wont say Vegas because she doesnt want to spend the money. So tell her local would be fine.


Shower- say youre uncomfortable with a restuarant shower- its really sweet but its just too much money. Could someone host it at home or backyard? That way it looks like youre being gracious and humble- not omg i’d be so embaressed if you made them pay eww tacky.




Post # 7
173 posts
Blushing bee

@amRN:  awww, are you my SIL? Seriously, the only demand she made of us (she did a family-only wedding party) was “please wear clothes”. And she specifically asked us *not* to buy anything new for her wedding unless we really wanted to. When another bride told me “you’ll get to wear that BM dress again” dang she WAS right! Easiest. Wedding. Ever.

I would send people pictures/examples/colors and make it clear that something similar would be great. With your MOH’s kids, depending on how far out the wedding is, she may be purchasing new clothes for them for your wedding that the kids will continue to wear (little kids grow FAST).

re: bachelorette, can you ask your MOH to get a general sense of how much $$$ your BMs are willing/able to spend for the party? Then you can go from there & ensure you are picking something that is in everyone’s budget. The budget will also give you a better sense of what activities might be possible. The most fun bachelorette party I ever went to was a day in (the local) wine country plus a lovely picnic lunch, followed by a “slumber party” night of cheap champagne and 90s movies (clueless!). So much more fun than some of the wild blowouts.

re: MIL’s shower – if she is hosting a gathering, it is rude to make her guest pay for food. This is a little tricky considering it is at a restaraunt; at buffet/catered showers the host can leave a classy container (e.g., cookie jar) out for guests to put money in if they want.

Post # 8
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I just wanted to add another voice in support of talking to your MIL SOON! There are so many girls on here that have to change/cancel parties that are sort of inappropriate after they’re already planned, so definitely put a stop to that madness quick.

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