Bride not allowing bridesmaid to bring a guest?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

the bride is being super rude and she should not only allow bridesmaid to have a guest, but invite him without bridesmaid asking

Post # 4
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I think they are both in the wrong, but I also see both points of view.

Assuming there was no +1 to begin with, its rude of the bridesmaid to ask to bring someone, especially considering the boyfriend does not know the bride and groom. BUT assuming the expenses of being a BM were paid for by said person, then its not so unreasonable.

From the bride’s point of view, its pretty late notice and she may not have any spare seats. Plus she may have had to cut down her own friends due to space limitations.  If I were the bride I wouldn’t want people I don’t know there, but I would allow the BM to bring her man if I had a spot available at the last minute.

 

Post # 5
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

As a bridesmaid, if FI and I had only been together for 6 months I probably wouldn’t expect for him to be invited, however I would appreciate it if he were invited.  As a bride, I wouldn’t want someone I had never met at my wedding, however if my bridesmaid wanted her boyfriend of 6 months at my wedding then I would invite him, but I would also arrange a dinner date for the two of them plus FI and me so that we wouldn’t be meeting him for the first time at the wedding.

In summary, bridesmaid has a right to be disappointed (although mad seems a bit strong), and bride’s reasoning makes sense but she should probably be willing to be a bit more flexible and accommodating.

ETA: Just to give some context to my answer, where I live all of the expenses of being a bridesmaid are generally covered by the bride, and it’s pretty uncommon to give nameless +1’s.

Post # 6
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

@Stranger516:  in this circumstance I believe the bride is wrong… The bridesmaids should have a plus 1 

Post # 7
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I had two single bridesmaids, but up til the month before the wedding I kept checking if they had meg a +1 because they’re going out of their way to be awesome bridesmaids the least I could do is let their bf come to the wedding.. Now if it was a bf of six months you can bet they’d be invited. My DHs brother had been dating his go for about 5 months a girl we can’t stand, she was still invited… 

Post # 8
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@JulietFoxtrot:  +1 

The bride is right.  If the guest list was made and all set, then really it’s a nice guesture if she wants to offer the bridesmaid a +1, but by all means not required.

 

@Stranger516:  Does the bridesmaid know other people at the wedding?

Post # 9
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I met my husband a month before one wedding i was bridesmaid at and two months before another.  He was invited to the second (though had another wedding so couldn’t go) and i really appreciated it.  Both these girls were our bridesmaids a year later and i know they wish he’d been at their weddings. 

I think the bride should invite the boyfriend, but the bridesmaid should be gracious if he isn’t invited. I personally don’t like the “bride doesn’t want people she doesn’t know” reason, guests go to a lot of expense and effort to attend weddings.  We didn’t do any random plus 1s, but everyone in a relationship, no matter how long they’d been together or whether we knew their other half, had their partner invited too.

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I think the bride is in the wrong for this situation. Personally, I feel that everyone should be allowed to bring their SO, as long as they were in the relationship before invitations were sent out. Bridesmaids are supposed to be your nearest and dearest and I find it very rude that the bride told her friend no.

The excuse that she doesn’t want anyone at her wedding she doesn’t know is BS.

Post # 11
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

So incredibly rude of the bridesmaid to ask!! Especially when she knew the guestlist was set in stone and she would have known the cost of extras. Its a lot to ask someone to pay $130 for your boyfriend of 6 months to have dinner with you and a bunch of people he doesnt know! Its HER day, it is not required for the bride to allow anyone to bring whomever they like, its her decision.

Post # 12
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@OliveLucy:  I agree with your first point but OP made it sound as though the bridesmaid had not asked for a plus one, or maybe even declined her plus one, until a month before the wedding. Thats asking abit much to me.

Post # 13
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Bridesmaid should be given a plus one from the beginning. When was it set in stone? Even if it’s in the beginning of September that means it’s still two weeks out. If they’ve been dating for several months it seems rude to not include him. 

Post # 14
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i would be reevaluating why I have never met my BM’s man after 6m…6weeks is one thing but half a year ia a long time especially since BM are generally your BFF. if it was distance (ie friend from home who now lives in xyz) i would personally be really happy and excited and want to meet this guy. 

it definitely sucks as a bride to have to add to your guest list but most of us have at least one no.rsvp so as long as you didnt way overinvite there should be room and generally BM are.spending a lot more than $130 so I Wouldnt personally  start using  that as an excuse

the only exception in my mind would be ridiculously small wedding (<30ppl) 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

@FutureMrsHallam:  I guess it depends on how the invitation was sent out. If the bride sent it to her BM and did not give her a plus 1, that is rude. If the BM told the bride she did not want to bring him, and then changed her mind, she is in the wrong. Either way I am a firm believer that everyone should be allowed to bring their SO, heck even be allowed to bring a guest.

As a bride, I would have given the BM a plus one regardless.

Post # 16
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Stranger516:  because i would want to be invited with my husband, fiance, boyfriend, we are inviting anyone in a long term relationship (whether I know the person or notb because I have not met all of FI’s friends and family).

one of our groomsman started dating a girl.  at the time our STDs went out, only the groomsman was invited since the realtionship was still new.  at the time of the wedding they will have been together 9ish months.  FI came to me and said we need to add GM’s girlfriend to the guest list.  i know this is the right thing to do, so I did this.

 

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