(Closed) Bride throwing her own Bridal Shower? WWYD?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you recieved an invite from a bride throwing herself a Bridal Shower, how would you respond?
    Decline the invite, and send no gift. : (38 votes)
    21 %
    Decline the invite, and send a gift. : (10 votes)
    5 %
    Accept, and attend, but don't bring a gift : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Accept, and attend, and bring a gift. : (130 votes)
    71 %
    Contact the bride and suggest that this isn't a good idea. : (4 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    i would go. as you stated, she doesn’t have many real friends… but she is a nice person. i’d feel kinda sorry for her.

    Post # 4
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Awww, this is so sad!  Honestly, it’s so pathetic (I don’t mean that as harshly as it sounds, I swear) that I’d bring a small gift and attend the shower. 

    Although I have to admit, I’m the girl who has a hard time saying “no” and my heart goes out to people like this.  Not always a good thing.  🙂  I’m sure most people will disagree with me.  lol

    Post # 5
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d go!  I feel like every bride should have a nice shower, and you say she a nice person, so why not.

    Post # 6
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @wolfpackforever:  Honestly, I’d go. I kinda feel the same. I’m basically throwing my own shower. No one else cares enough to do it. I have Bridesmaid or Best Man, but they don’t care about the shower, but my bachelorette party is all planned. (I’m not a partier, but they all are.) 

    Perhaps, she is in a similar situation. No one cares enough to do it for her, and she’s a bride, she deserves one. She might legitimately need stuff for her future house too. 

    Don’t punish her for not having friends or family to do it. 


    Post # 7
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    It’s not like you would need to buy her some big expensive food processor. I would find something affordable on the registry and be a cute looking and smiling face at her party for a few hours. 

    Looks to me like she’s reaching out to you. Maybe it’s an opportunity to strengthen the friendship?

    Post # 8
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    I don’t think the problem is with her throwing her own shower. I think it’s with her inviting people she’s not close to. Because they act like this. Sure, she may just want gifts – but she also may want friends too! I wouldn’t turn my nose up at her, I’d go, with a gift, and try to establish a better relationship with her.


    Personally, we are considering throwing our own couples shower. I wouldn’t write on the invites that we’re throwing it – I’d just say “you’re invited to… *details*” but oh well.

    Post # 9
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would go and bring a small gift unless it’s a hassle for you (ex: out of town or something.) This seems so sad 🙁 

    Post # 10
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I would just go and bring a gift (unless I’m just not close with the bride and don’t want to go to the shower for other reasons). But I wouldn’t let this be the reason I don’t go just because it’s possible she wanted a shower because its the bridal thing and no one wanted to throw it for her. I know I wanted a shower because of seeing everyone and the attention (lol) not for the gifts. I know this isn’t proper etiquette for her to do this, but if it was me, I’d just attend like normal.

    Post # 11
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I feel kind of bad for the girl. i would bring a small gift and try and make friends with her again. I dont have many close friends either so i know how she feels.

    Post # 12
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Um.  If you were her, what would you want someone to do? 

    If it were me who received the inviation, and I liked the person, I would attend and bring a gift.  However, if you don’t want to go, and think you would have a terrible time if you did, then don’t go. 

    I don’t really know how to answer other than to say – please try to do the kindest thing.  You’ve already spoken with her about it to ask why she’s hosting her own bridal shower, so it might hurt her feelings if you don’t show after that. 

    Or, you could send a gift if you don’t want to attend.  Ignoring her outright, as your mother suggested, seems a little cold to me.  I don’t think I’d have the heart to do that, unless I really disliked her.

    Post # 13
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’ve only learned recently bridal showers are hosted by others.   I knew they exist, been to my fair share but didn’t know the details of how they get put on.   I’m not sure where I’ve been…. hah!


    So anyway, it’s not nearly as serious a faux pas to me.   The decision to go or not go would be made on if I wished to be there and not based on who hosted the event. 


    That being said,   I likely would not attend any of her weddings stuff if I wasn’t that close.  It’s possible I would go because she’s nice – maybe wish to spark a better friendship but even then that’s a difficult place to do it. It might be a shocker considering where I am, but I don’t like most weddings or thier pagentry.  

    Post # 14
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

    I know it’s an etiquette no-no for the bride to throw her own shower, but I feel the circumstances here are different. From what you posted I just feel really bad for her and would most likely go to the shower.

    Post # 15
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This kind of thing breaks my heart. A bridal shower is such a special part of wedding activities.  I know you say you aren’t that close to her, but maybe offer to throw it for her (along with the other people you both know)?  Random acts of kindness never hurt. I know there will be bees out there that will disagree with this, but I just believe that if you have a chance to make someone else’s day, what’s the worse that can happen?

    Post # 16
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    If I were you, I’d make my decision by considering how close you are to her, and how well you know her, not based on the faux pas of throwing her own shower. That’s a little non-traditional, but I say whatever.

    But if you’re really not close to her and don’t want to go, then don’t go.

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