Bride unable to attend her own shower?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

JustJust let them know the dates suggested do not work for you and that you wouldn’t be able to attend on those days. They do need to know when you are available as the shower IS for you!

Post # 5
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@SparkleBee11:  I love how they say that your dates are unreasonable.  

I’m sure you wish that you had more free time!  It sounds like you’re in a medical Masters/Doctoral program, I know people who have gone through these and the schedules are a NIGHTMARE.  I would ask your mom to make it very clear that you are touched that people want to throw you a shower and you realize your schedule is extremely difficult but they really are the only dates/times you have available.

Post # 6
2276 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@SparkleBee11:  have you explained that you will not be able to attend if the dates are not changed?  If it is too much for all parties maybe you should just cancel the showers. As much as that sucks, the party plannners seem set on having those dates, and those dates do not work for you. you cannot have a shower if you are not attending.  you should try talking it over and if they dont budge I would graciously decline the party.

Post # 9
3217 posts
Sugar bee

If they aren’t willing to budge, you will have no option but to decline the shower.


Post # 11
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t see it as you being demanding. The shower is for YOU. They need to work around your scheduke. sounds like you gave them sufficient time to find a date that would work best for you and your guests. If the shower hosts don’t like your dates then the shower should be off. 

Post # 12
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Do not feel bad about declining! You are not at all being even an ounce of unreasonable.

Post # 13
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

That is very inconsiderate of them to plan a shower when they know you can not attend.  If they can’t work around your dates, why bother planning a shower?  They have more flexability than you do, and if they don’t want to have it on one of the dates you are available you need to tell them there is no way you can be there.

Post # 14
6194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It sounds like they think your schedule is more flexible than it is, so if they plan out on a “less convenient” day, you will have no other option than to make it work. They are being horribly inconsiderate and unreasonable, and need to be told that if the shower is not on one of those dates, you won’t be having a shower at all. 


 Could you possibly have a shower on a weeknight instead?

Post # 15
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d be tempted to say, “I’ve heard about the date for my bridal shower, and while I am so thankful that you are planning this for me I unfortunatley must decline the invite due to prior obligations! Have fun without me!”

Or just tell them that if they plan a shower for you on the day they want, you won’t be able to be there – and maybe mention how awkward that will be for all their guests.

You’ve done everything to let them know your availability, and they have the good manners to make sure the shower is convenient for them and not the guest of honor?
People have showers, weddings, parties, etc. around the holidays all the time, it’s really not a big deal.

Post # 16
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@SparkleBee11:  Seriously they need to have a shower when it’s convenient for you, or not have a shower. School comes first!!!

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