(Closed) Bride VS FMIL…Let The Games Begin X[ *VENT*

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I can see where she is coming from, I was with my DH for 10 years, I changed my name when we got married, not before, I have never heard of something so bizarre.

Also deleting her as a friend was probably not the best idea and a little rude, sorry I am sure you were hoping for another response but I just don’t get it.

Post # 4
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

double post

Post # 5
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you are both being childish and both of you are wrong.  Your letter was very rude and no wonder it hurt her.  Instead of being the bigger person you stooped to her level.  That’s not going to accomplish anything.  I have a hard time believing you unfriended her to not casue drama, every single person on FB knows if you unfirend somone you communicate with or see, that it causes more drama not less.  You unfriended her to prove a point, you were hurt and you wanted to show her.

Your heated letter also threw gasoline on the flame.  If you want to fix the situation, you should appologize. 

Post # 7
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am thinking that you might have gone about this the wrong way.  The comment that she left on the picture wasn’t that bad, and she did the right thing with taking it off and directing her questioning of your last name to her son.  You taking her off of FB, it was a knee jerk reaction to what you felt was a jab at you, and I can understand that.  I don’t understand why it took her several months to catch that, that is strange in itself.  Her email to your FH was rude, but I think that you ( like Atalanta said) added fuel to the fire with your response, which I think was a bit extreme.  I believe that you should email her back with a perfuse apology, and from here out let the FH deal with his mothers issues and let you be the one to kill her with kindness.  Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You must be able to see it from her point of view though, I would be irritated if my fdil changed her name to my family name before she actually got married, I could maybe understand if you had a child together.

Post # 11
Member
14503 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I understand why she went to him, because she is comfortable with her position with him.  Talking to you, and getting to know you puts her in a vunerable position of gettting to know you, liking you, then either you are gone or you have taken her baby.  Both ways she looses in her mind, and both have happened before.  Family dynamics are the hardest issues to deal with in relationships, and I have seen some doosies.  I really find that the best thing to do is duck and keep your head down, especially with mothers.  In these strange and vicarious relationships sometimes it is better to be right, and pretend that we are wrong for the sake of peace.  A wedge in the family really isn’t worth it because of FB, jeez, FB has created more problems than FBs worth sometimes.  This is why I am really glad that very few of my FHs family is not on FB, especially his mother.

Post # 13
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I guess I’m in the minority when I say I’m on your side.

I have Facebook with only a small number of friends (in the 80’s i think).  I only have people on my friends list that are truly my friends, or at least, once were my friends and i’m still on good terms with, just not close.  I would never have someone on my list that is nasty to me whether they are family (future family) or not.  I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.  I would have deleted her too if I were you. 

and kudos to you for standing up for yourself!

Post # 15
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry I don’t agree with sending an email worded so harshly.  Often it’s easy to say hurtful things in emails that don’t need to be said.  I would have picked up the telephone and talked about it.

I also think it’s a good idea she called your FI about the name change particularly since he is the one who asked you to do it. Then he could explain the circumstatnces to her that it was HIS request. 

If you really don’t care about her or what she thinks, why are you letting her get to you so much?  If you know she has a history of behaving this way then you know it is HER problem and not yours.  Why are you taking it so personally when it has nothing to do with you?

Post # 16
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I believe this is the most important quote of all right here: “please remember…ITS JUST FACEBOOK!”

Time to be the bigger person. Also time to talk to FMIL, versus doing it over the internet. You and FMIL will have to deal with each other for a very long time. I would definitely suggest trying to work things out with her.

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