Post # 1
What do you do if you (the bride) want a smaller wedding that’s a nicer/more expensive venue – quality over quantity – and the groom wants a larger wedding that’s cheaper per person?
How do you find a compromise in this situation?
Do I get to kick and scream to get my way because I’m the bride?
Or am I being selfish not considering all the family friends the groom and his family want to invite.
Post # 3
I think it will be damaging to have it one way or the other. You need to find a middle ground and compromise. It’s not just the brides wedding, and it’s not just the grooms. Kicking and screaming is going to get you absolutely nowhere. I am not sure why you would want to start a marriage off this way at all.
Post # 5
There’s no right answer. Consider it an exercise in compromise and communication that you should be able to figure out if you’re getting married. Kicking and screaming is def the wrong answer though…
Post # 6
We had a similar issue. I realized I will remeber the people there and care about them more than a venue. We still found a gorgeous venue for cheap so it worked out! I think there has to be some compromise.
Post # 7
I think you need to sit down and make a list of everyone that you each want to invite. Start with the most important people down to the least. You know, parents out to your cousins’ neighbors. Then talk about each person and why you or he want them to be there. Maybe he has really strong relationships with all those people and you’ll see that. Or maybe he just has a vision of a big wedding and you can talk about how you want a big wedding on a smaller scale with just the people most important to you.
FWIW, we had a big wedding on a small scale – less than 40 people. But it was what we both wanted.
Post # 8
I think that having the people you care about there matters so much more than the venue…at the end of the day, the venue is still a detail.
However, I’m sure there’s more than one venue out there for you. Keep looking, you’ll find something that works for both of you!
Post # 9
@DC_ChicagoBride: It took us a year to figure this part out. The rest was just details! No advice, sorry, but good luck 😛
Post # 10
I would really consider finding a completely new venue… one you like, and one that is cheaper than the original. But I will add that the people who came were much more important to us than the place we were.
Post # 11
@DC_ChicagoBride: I didn’t vote as your poll encourages one side to “win”, and that’s a pretty immature way to approach anything important. Also, I hope the phrase “kicking and screaming” is tongue-in-cheek as that reminds me of a tantrum-throwing toddler.
As pp’s have said I think you two need to sit down and discuss until you come to a compromise. Perhaps you need to consider other venues that have the same quality “feel” so that you can invite the people who are important to your FI.
Seriously, you don’t want to start off a marriage this way. Take a deep breath and remember why you’re planning a wedding in the first place!
Post # 13
Compromise. The idea that women should just get their way is crazy to me. A ceromony should reflect the desires of both.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@DC_ChicagoBride: Welcome to the first compromise of your marriage. You and him should be able to work out a happy medium that falls somewhere in the middle of what you each want.
Sit down and each make a separate list of 3-4 aspects that you absolutely want and can’t live without at your wedding. Then list 3-4 things you each would like but can live without if need be. Compare lists and discuss where you are each willing to compromise. If you can’t come to some agreement then you may want to put off the wedding until you can work together to find a solution.
Originally, I wanted to elope just the two of us and he wanted a huge country club wedding with everyone we know. Once we sat down and discussed the budget and compared what we absolutely wanted versus what we would like to have, we were able to work out a compromise. We’re having an intimate 50 guest wedding (we compromised here) with an open bar (we both listed this as a requirement) and a BBQ buffet dinner (also what we both wanted) on a Saturday night (what he had to have) with a professional photographer (what I had to have.)
Post # 15
Yeah I agree. There needs to be some compromise. I think it has just been stressful because we are planning from out of town. I went to chicago and visited a dozen venues by myself and suddenly there are a lot of opinions coming my way after the fact. Venues are booking fast and since FI originally said he didn’t care about the details or where it was…I’m just frustrated.
Also, my bitterness is stemming from the fact that I feel like many of these preferences are coming from FMIL. The guest list numbers are close to 100 more than we had talked about because of FI’s parent’s guests, not FI’s guests.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@DC_ChicagoBride: Unless his parents are paying, give them a set number of guest slots for their friends and leave it at that. Let the FILs decide who makes the cut and who doesn’t.