Post # 1
I just need a second to vent…
All of my friends…seriously…all of my friends are coupled up and have kids. It’s no surprise then that each of my bridesmaids has at least one child.
I’m just feeling a little frustrated because it’s so hard to do any planning. Either they can’t find a sitter and have to bring a child or they can’t do anything at all. Having screaming children in the background makes it hard to talk to any vendor…
Even my MOH, who was child free when I got engaged but adopted two pre-school kids, hasn’t been available to help me with anything.
I’m starting to feel a little let down… I don’t have kids, but I understand how hard it is for them and I try to schedule everything weeks in advance but to no avail.
They should have known what they were getting into when they agreed to be bridesmaids. And if I hadn’t asked them, I would have hurt a lot of feelings, as I was in most of their weddings. I just feel like they’re not putting forth the effort…And I don’t feel like I can say anything without looking like the bad guy.
Post # 3
Yeah, I think if you say something, it could really go the wrong way. Could you take your mom or fiance on these vendor appointments? I didn’t take my bridesmaids on any of my appointments, also because none of them are local. Since these ladies are coupled up, I would assume there is some sort of father figure in the picture, is the thought of leaving their children with their husbands/boyfriends for a few hours completely out of the question? I guess when you have kids, you have to kind of rank the times when you’re willing to pay a babysitter, probably in their case, going out to dinner and going to your wedding outranks going to an appointment with your photographer, unfortunately. I would make the argument that maybe they don’t know what you expect from them, when you were their bridesmaids, did you help a lot, going to appointments, etc? The reason I ask is because I never did when I was a bridesmaid, because I pretty much didn’t know that was in the job description. But if when they got married, you helped a lot, maybe they do know. However, maybe they don’t think you need help, or that you don’t mind them bringing the kids. If they can’t come to the bachelorette party because they can’t find a sitter, that’s a different story. But again, they may have to kind of pick their battles with this one. Good luck!
Post # 4
Yeah, I did help a lot for each of their weddings. I even coordinated one, set up the entire reception hall, ceremony site, and did the clean up after.
I called their vendors to make appointments, attended all "meetings"…
Some of my bridesmaids have more than one child and their significant other refuses to watch both at the same time. Isn’t that nuts?
I just get frustrated when I try to give them plenty of time in advance and still have to fly solo.
I know this is nothing I can do anything about. Just needed to vent! Thanks for the comments!
Post # 5
maybe you can have a gentle confrontation with them? i would tell them that i understand that their children are their first priority and therefore, they may not be able to fulfill their BM duties and you completely understand that and would not be offended if they would prefer to take on a different role. hopefully, this would result in one of two outcomes:
a) gives them the out that they were looking for if they realized that as fun as it is to be a BM, it is also difficult to juggle the responsibilities when you have children (and this would give you the opportunity to go select other BMs)
b) motivates them to step up their involvement in your wedding planning
Post # 6
When Mrs. Bee and I got married, we went to the appointments together… is that an option?
Post # 7
Maybe I’m missing something, but are you talking about vendor meetings? Not like, dress fittings? Why are you taking your bridesmaids to vendor meetings?
Post # 8
Wow, it sounds like you went above and beyond the call of duty, setting up the appointments with their vendors?! Setting up, coordinating everything? What in the world!! Did they ask you to do those things or did you just take it upon yourself to do them? If I had to ask one of my bridesmaids to do that stuff, I would probably feel completely inadequate. That just seems so out of the ordinary to me. But maybe since you took care of all the things for their weddings, they obviously don’t know what they need to do, and probably even moreso think you have got it under control, because you’ve already done it!
Post # 9
Eh, I know the realities are different, but I always thought that the point of having bridesmaids/groomsmen was that you would have your closest friends and family with you when you got married. Not that you’d be choosing people to do/buy stuff for you.
It was nice of you to help your friends out with their weddings, but I assume that you did it because they were your friends, and not because you expected repayment later. Your best friends shouldn’t be obligated to help you out in any way, really. As you said, they’re busy and have small children. Whether their significant others are willing to help with the kids seems like an irrelevant question.
Honestly, I’d say to just leave them alone, and let them be bridesmaids in that they’ll be with you when you get married. Hire a bridal consultant to help you instead.
Post # 10
I second getting a wedding coordinator. I haven’t ever heard of taking bridesmaids along to vendor meetings, so while it’s great that you were willing to do that for them, I don’t think you can ask the same in return.
Post # 11
I think that you really went above and beyond as a bridesmaid. I have never had a bride expect me to essentially be her wedding planner. That said, I have only one attendant – my sister – who lives 1000 miles away, has an 11-month old, and works at a management job that requires lots of time and a fair amount of travel. She’s definately not going to vendor meetings with me. She provides lots of moral support, via email and text messaging mostly. My mom has helped out some, but my main support and help is my FI, who has been to almost every vendor meeting. And why not? It’s his wedding too.
I know it seems unfair that your friends aren’t much there for you, but maybe it will seem more understandable when you have a couple of toddlers as well. In the meantime, I would scale back your expectations as far as your married-with-kids bridesmaids, and see if can’t get your FI, your mom, any friends who remain single (etc) involved.
Post # 12
no offence but your friends are crappy.
Is not the same but maybe you have a good single friend you could bring? your mom, fiance??
Post # 13
I know exactly how you feel! I am the only one out of my friends that is without child. Not all of them are married. Actually, only 1 is, but the rest are not totally single. Some have lived with their significant others for years. One of my friends bailed on me on two seperate days we had arranged to dress shop. One was on the day. Anyways, I went dress shopping either alone or I brought FI with me. Yes, he was with me when I found my dress. LoL. We decided to forgo the bridal party. So I am a bride without bridesmaids and I’m alright with that. It does suck not having a wing-man to go to appointments with me, but what can you do?