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I think the risk of our posts being seen is one we take on knowingly by posting on a public forum. I make it a rule never to post/say anything I wouldn't want plastered across CNN the next day (a lesson I remember learning in middle school the hard way!).
In terms of your friend, it sounds like she's either a bit of a type-A personality who needs to feel in control of things, or maybe she's just worried that she won't get to have a shower if she doesn't drop hints about it. Have you tried telling her that you and the other maids are having fun planning it, and you're looking forward to surprising her with what you come up with? Maybe that will give her the hint to calm down and let you handle it.
If not, gently tell her that it seems like she has enough on her plate with all her planning, and that the shower is something you'll gladly take on for her. Then follow through, put your feelings to the side, and throw her a beautiful party. Don't point out that it's rude for her to try to throw her own shower. That will just make her feel bad or put her on the defensive.
I hope that helps! Good luck!
When she is demanding you can tell her that you are going to take her opinions into consideration, but you would prefer to keep her shower a surprise.
As far as posting on here, you know anyone can read it, so it's just a chance you take and I try not to worry about it. Just make sure to never post anything you absolutely don't want anyone else to read and you should be okay.
That's kind of a funny position to be in... on the one hand, it seems a little ungracious to talk about how you want your bridal shower to be, but on the other hand, some people would appreciate having some guidance. My sister is quite unique when it comes to things like that, so what I had in mind for her shower was a LOT different than what she had in mind for her shower, so I was really thankful that I had some guidance. I wanted it to be a fun time for her, and something that she would enjoy, but I would not have been able to do it without her help!
Also, I found myself wondering when I read your post--how wedding savvy is she? Do you think there is a chance that she just doesn't really know about wedding etiquette?
Either way, good luck with planning her shower!
Thanks Gals!
Yeah part of me thinks I should just bite my tongue. I'm not sure how knowledgable she is about wedding ettiquette. My guess is not very. But I don't know.
"As my mother always said, 'This too shall pass'."
Good attitude to have, Tanya. :) I'm sure that you'll have fun at the shower either way, right? :)
@Tanya123: We've had some drama at work lately so my friend/coworker has been going around humming Move Along, your mother's saying made me think of that. 
My sister micromanaged her shower! It was so annoying! I picked favors and she was like, "You can't just hand them out. You have to buy the ribbons and tie on little thank you notes and make them all cute!" She picked the menu. She wanted a first pass at the invite, then told me that the picture I used for evite was ugly, that the wording on the invite was all wrong, etc.
It was funny to me because she didn't even want the shower in the first place, and its been almost a year so I don't worry about it anymore. The shower will be fun and eventually it will be over, so just remember that. And if she's demanding and you meet her demands, she can't complain. I told her later how annoying she was, so I don't sweat if she sees it on the internet.
Yeah, it's not worth making a stink, I know. I don't know about anyone else, but I kind of like planning stuff. And I kind feel like my creativity is being a little squashed that way. What can you do??
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I need some stories from the hive...
Has anyone ever been blindsided by a foul attitude bride/bridesmaid? I mean you thought it would be smooth sailing? I'm in my cousin's wedding, who is sweet. However, since beginning this wedding planning relationship (as Dane Cook would say relationshi*) she has been a little demanding of (get this).....her own shower. Uggh, all the lack of etiquette. (Maybe some of this is for another thread.)
Anyway, I needed to vent just a bit. Also, a little off topic, but anyone ever think twice about posting something because they were afraid the bridesmaid/bride in question might also be on the board looking?