Brides: How would you want a guest to respond?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would decline on the rsvp card, then include a personal note asking if she would mind if I stopped by for the cermony only, if the fates allow. If she doesn’t know that you will be 40 weeks pregnant, I would include that information.

Post # 3
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Katie-Didnt:  i would include a personal note telling her just that. a friend of mines wife was due on my wedding date… didnt realize that after i sent them out.  he was born a week before and was my youngest guest!! i loved sending them the pictures of babys first outing. brave woman venturing out a week after. he was soo cute and it was a lovley sunny day.  

Post # 4
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Katie-Didnt:  This situation came up at our wedding.  The gal was best friends with my DH in high school, and so now we hang out with her and her husband, and us!!

Regardless, her due date was our wedding date!!  She had told us this when we announced the date, and had said ‘as long as there is a wet floor sign (in case her water broke), they were gonna be there!) – joking, of course. We just wanted her to deliver a healthy baby, so no worries either way.  When our invites were sent, she reached out to me via email telling us to exclude her, and her hubby from dinner, but to include their seats.  It was really sweet she was thinking of our costs vs. her uncertainty, but at our venue it is an ‘all or nothing package’.  If her and her hubby were going to be there, without eating, but he were to have a drink, or she were to drink a pop, then the cost is the same either way: per person, not per item!  So, I told her to pick their food entrees, and NOT TO WORRY about our costs!  We just wanted them there, and if they could not be, then it was not wasting X dollars for us, because it means she was going to have a baby.

She ended up going into labor 3 days beforehand, so could not be in attendance, and we could care less.  The baby is so damn cute.  Reach out to your friend NOW, and ask her what she suggests 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Katie-Didnt:  I’d let her know what your situation is on the RSVP card. 

If you think there’s a possibility of being able to go to the reception, then I’d note what your preferred entre is and ask when the last date you’d be able to give her a firm yes/no for the caterer is. You may have a better idea of when the bean’s coming closer to the due date.

I had a few people put notes into their RSVPs. There were a few iffy guests who had issues out of their control to deal with and I knew the venue would over-prepare by 3%, so I didn’t include them in my final count.

Post # 6
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

 

Katie-Didnt:  Just tell her what you told us. In case 2 guests cancel, between when the final numbers are due for dinner, and the wedding, and you end up being able to attend, you fill their seats, and then the meals won’t go to waste.

Post # 7
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would give her a call and explain. Then decline on the RSVP but write in a note that you hope to be able to make it for the ceremony. 

Post # 8
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee

Katie-Didnt:  Congratulations!!! Best wishes to you for a smooth pregnancy and labor and a healthy birth.

It’s great that you’re being so considerate of your friend when you will be in such unpredictable circumstances, and I’m sure she will want you to do whatever is most comfortable for you. Just tell her exactly what you told us.

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would also like to add that I think it’s great you are being considerate of your friend and costs. My friend recently got married and her cousin was due a few days before the Wedding but she kept insisitng that she was going to make the Wedding no matter what. So, ofcourse she ends up giving birth the day of the Wedding. Her cousin’s mom and dad and sisters decided to not come to the Wedding (even though they could of made it for dinner) and all together it was about 10 people that stayed at the hospital and she lost about over 1.5k on them not coming.

Post # 11
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

SO’s cousin is getting married 2 days before my due date. We inclosed a little note saying we are sorry we will not be able to attend but we cannot guarantee that we will be there.

When I told FMIL that I wanted to go, have a drink and try to dance the baby out, she looked horrified, so I figured that wasn’t the way to go. hahaha

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