Post # 1
Brides – please voice your opinions on this topic. Your parents are paying for 98% of the wedding. They want the ceremony to be in their church, but it doesn’t have to be a religious ceremony (ie mass). Bride is ok with it, Groom is hesitant. Is it wrong for the parents of the bride to insist on the ceremony location? What if they decide it is so important that they will withdraw their financial support?. All other decisions have been brides/grooms choice, even beyond anticipated budget.
Post # 3
If your parents are paying yes they have a right to make decisions and yes they have every right to withdraw their support if you don’t agree with them. Ya it’s not friendly and I personally don’t always agree with it but money always comes with power.
Post # 4
I agree with future mrs. martin.
Sorry to say but that’s a sacrifice you make when someone else pays for your wedding.
Post # 5
I think the opinion of the brides parents would be very important considering they are paying the majority of the fees. Unfortunately, you’re fiance’ will need to move past that or you’ll have to re-vamp your thinking about what type of wedding you’ll be having.
Post # 7
I think this all depends on how insistent the bride’s parents are about it. My parents gave us money for the wedding and had opinions, but they never insisted we do anything because they gave us the money as a gift with no strings attached. If I really didn’t want to do something, I wouldn’t take strings attached money. I think the groom is really going to have to bite the bullet if the parents are insistent and they have no other way to finance their wedding. I agree with Future Mrs. Martin.
Post # 8
I would make sure I know their intentions before accepting their money. Before I’d continue I’d have a convo about that. Right now they want church, pretty soon they’ll be telling you every other detail as well.
You may have to get funds a different way to have your wedding.
Post # 9
unfortunatly when other people pay or help pay for weddings it usually means they have say over how it goes. I think it stinks. Is there a way you can sit down with your parents and explain to them what it is that you and FI want and what will make you happy, even if it’s not a church ceremony? Without them pulling out of paying for everything? If not, and you don’t have the money to pay for your own wedding I say talk to you FI and let him him know that this is the best compromise you guys can make: they pay for it all and you do the non-religious ceremony in a church, but everything else is up to you guys. Weddings are expensive and getting help to pay for it rocks! If he is dead set against it ask him what his opinion is on alternatives to pay for it. Then maybe he’ll come around.
I’m not religious myself so I can see why this would bother him though. If it is really upsetting to him I really think you should try and talk to your parents about what’s important for the 2 of you, it’s not just about the parents here.
Post # 10
I disagree, slightly.
I think they (the payers) can have opinions on the reception because that is the bulk of the expense and the party, but the ceremony is about the couple getting married. Its supposed to represent them and their love (not the desires of the parents as long as its not insulting). I think the couple should have the final say in that.
If it has gone over budget it is everyone’s fault the decision makers and the check writers. If there was a budget the check writer should have said “No” at some point and shouldnt effect the ceremony. It should affect items at the reception and maybe revisiting the food being served or flowers being ordered, but not provide more “power” to the parents because they willingly over spent.
Post # 11
since they are paying I would give in and let them have that one. if your really unhappy have a heart to heart with them but personally I wouldnt rock the boat if someone else was paying. In the end its just 1 day so what does it matter after all?
Post # 12
do churches really allown non-religious ceremonies? I know they don’t have to have a mass but that dosn’t make it a non-religious ceremony.
Post # 13
Thank you for your advice and wisdom. It’s a true dilemma. The church will do a wedding ceremony without communion. That’s good because 75% of the family would not take anyway. All seems to be worked out and the wedding planning continues. Let’s just hope there are no more strings pulled with this purse. It’s difficult to make EVERYONE happy.
Post # 14
I am having a “vows only” ceremony in catholic church – 15 mins tops. You could definitely ask about it and also find out what are your FI’s concerns. Maybe speaking to someone at the church could clear them up.
I agree with the poster’s who feel as though because your parents are paying for it, they are right to expect their wishes to be respected. I tend to agree with it even more strongly since this isnt about beef vs chicken, this is a religiously based decision.