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I'm struggling with whether or not to have BMs. We're having a smallish (about 50 people invited) semi-destination weekend wedding.
Most (all?) of my friends are over their "wedding years" and most have small children (sometimes 2+ small kids) or will be pg during the wedding. I'm just not sure that anyone is going to want to do a BM dress, etc.
What did you do in this case? Just not have any BMs?
My heart isn't set on BMs, but I wonder if I don't invite anyone if that will seem odd. FWIW, I have about 5 girls in mind to as (2 are my sisters). Or, I can just go it alone and not have any BMs.
Opinions or experiences??
I'll be 40 when I get married and I'm having 5 bridesmaids, ONLY b/c FI is 11 years younger and has a lot of close friends he wants to include as groomsmen.
I originally planned on no bridesmaids and don't think it would be odd or out of place at all (especially since you're having a destination wedding).
I'm actually having the very problem you spoke of - 3 of my bridesmaids are over 40 and just are NOT getting into the whole dress-up thing. My MOH is my daughter (so she's excited) and my fifth bridesmaid is my FI's sister who is in her 20's. Honestly, I'd rather forgo the stress and not have any at all, but he's dead set on it.
@milesbella: I'm sorry you're having this problem too!
I do wonder if it would be much less stressful to just scrap it.
I am 32, and for the past 7 years I have known the 5 girls I would have standing up with me. But I ended up with 6 :) While many of our friends are working on their 2nd kid now, my girls were all childless except for my SIL, so it worked out fine. My 34 yr old husband had 8 groomsmen. It was a little out of control, but the day of it did not seem weird at all to have such a large bridal party. Everyone was honored to be a part of it, and they were all there for signifcant reasons.
It was the right thing for us, but everyone is different!
I had three - two close friends, and my new step-daughter. (I'm 31) We had about the same size wedding as you - just under 50.
None!
Saved me from all kinds of drama.
I did have a friend jump in as a quasi MOH at the actual wedding to help out with things, but she wore whatever she wanted--and looked great & there was no planning involved.
I'm under 30, but am in a similar situation. My friends all live far away and/or have kids. I also don't feel right about picking out dresses that people will have to spend $100+ and may not wear again. I decided to just stick with family.
If you want to have people stand up with you, you can do it without all the traditional BM stuff. Ask them to buy a dress of their choosing in a certain color. You don't have to require that they plan bridal showers, and bachelorette parties and all that either. You can make it clear that you aren't expecting anything elaborate.
If it wasnt for my FI wanting groomsmen then I would have none at all. And if you really think about it, they are called "bridesmaids"... they are supposed to HELP the bride in any way possible... I think that is how it all started. But now it is quite the opposite. How sad.
I was 31 when we were married. I had my sister as my MOH, he had his brother as his Best Man. She wore whatever she wanted to. It was sweet and simple, as far as the adult members of the wedding party. (We also had eight little ones under the age of 10 that paraded in ahead of us during the ceremony.)
It wasn't so much our ages that factored into our decision, as just that it's simply our style to do things on a more intimate scale.
I say do what *you* want, rather than what you think is acceptable/expected by others. Remember, it's *your* wedding! ;o)
Hi,
You are not alone. When planning our wedding, fiance and I decided to have our respective best friends serve as our only attendants (no need to match when you're the only one!) However, my BFF became pregnant and is due two weeks before our destination wedding, so we ended up scrapping attendants all together. The priest asked us to pick someone to stand up at the altar with us for specific logistical purposes, and I will have my brother (only sibling) up there. I've told him he can hide my bouquet behind his back after I hand it to him so it doesn't show up in the photographs. ;)
I got married at 32 years old. I felt like having an entourage was bit ridiculous. In my 20s I was apart of those 20+ people wedding parties.......no thanks! I decided to have a maid of honor who stood up with our two best men (my husbands brothers). It was totally fine & we could bond as girlfriends. I paid for her dress, hair, makeup, and gift. She took me to Cabo San Lucas for a week long all inclusive vacation in lieu of a bachelorette party. No bridezilla moments for me :) & our friendship is still strong as ever!
I will be 31 when we marry, and we're having a smalll-medium wedding with about 70 people. I'm not having any bridesmaids - I have too many close friends and no siblings/cousins, so there was no way I could choose. It would be 10 or none, and 10 bridesmaids seemed like a bit much. :)
I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, but then I'm not very traditional in a lot of ways. I don't want a shower, for example, although one of my good friends is generously throwing me a low-key bachelorette weekend in the woods with those ten good friends of mine. I might invite those that want to come with me morning of to get my nails done or otherwise hang out while I get prettified. :)
I think it was the right decision for me. It saves me money and stress, my friends don't have to spend a ton of money on a dress or anything like that, and I can still have my nearest and dearest with me on that day if I want to.
I'll be 38 next October when I get married..FI and I talked about it extensively, and we have both been in many weddings in the past 5 years. I didn't want to have too many, plus being older, I wanted to keep it simple. Do whatever you feel! I think having your sisters as either MOHs or BMs, would be nice. I have plenty of friends, that could be included...but I wanted to keep it simple. The last wedding I was in 2 years ago, there was 9 BMs and a MOH! YIKES!
i have 6. for a small destination wedding! wasn't what i planned. but my sister is my MOH. i have 3 friends i HAD to have since high school. then another close friend i ended up asking. and my FI's niece who was bouncing with joy when i asked her and i am so happy i did!
too many? i think so! but who cares right. my pictures will be awesome and everyone is happy.
I'll just be 32 and I'm having 4. I originally wanted just my MOH and his BM but we had to have his sister or she'd flip out (that's a story for another day) and so the list grew to 4.
Same as @sassy411. I only had an MOH that wore whatever she wanted. I'm 35 and we had 60 guests.
@milesbella - I'm eleven years older than my FI too!
I'll be 38 when we get married and we're having a semi-big wedding (~125 people) as though he and I were the same age. It's fine with me since it's what both sets of parents want and they're contributing equally. I'll have 4 BM and 1 junior (FI's cousin is a teenager and is dying to be in the wedding but is too old to be a flower girl) and it never occurred to me that it was odd because of my age - and FI is only having 2 GM, so we'll be unmatched there. I guess I'm just seriously immature. 
On the topic of dresses, I'm letting them choose their own. The only direction I'm giving is that they be some shade of true blue (no turquoise or seafoam). Actually, I think we may be going on a shopping trip for the dresses when my girls and I are all in NYC together. Everybody wants a chichi designer number! At the rate they're talkin', their dresses will be more expensive than mine. Ha! At least they'll all wear them again.
I was 39 when we married. We had a large wedding party that went along with our extensive guest list (about 200 people). I knew for sure I wanted 4 BM's, but needed 5 since my hubby had 5 groomsmen (2 of which were his brothers). So, I selected a 5th BM so we wouldn't have an uneven number. I couldn't have imagined it any other way! I love those girls as if they're my sisters!
I'm having just one, my sister. But I am not having her buy a bridesmaid dress or expecting her to throw me a bachelorette party. I just want someone there to keep me calm while getting ready :)
I started out wanting none, then just one of my sisters, and then after I got engaged I couldn't imagine that day without my best friends standing with me. That's how I got to four bridesmaids. Do whatever feels right for you.
I am 35 and will be having 2 BMs and a Jr BM. We will be having about 50 guests.
I'll be 32 when we get married and I have 1 Matron of Honor, 1 Maid of Honor and 3 Bridesmaids...I actually never even thought of these issues when I chose mine. Just do what makes you happy, I've seen lots of weddings with none, some with 10!
I think it depends on why you feel like you should have bridesmaids to begin with.
I got married when I was 35 and had 3 bridesmaids. none of them live near me. One of them was trying to get pregnant so that was up in the air. I knew from the beginning that there would be no bridal showers wtih them or bachelorrtte weekends. I just coulnd't imagine them not being there next to me on such a special moment. They were a big help to me in keeping the morning calm and fun. We laughed a lot. Yes, they helped get things done for me, but it wasn't expected and it was done cause they are just wonderful friends. For them, it was a great time to catch up with eachother and an excuse for all of us to get together. They sat with their husbands at the reception and I think they had a great weekend.
I think that if you think you have to have bridemaids because it is expected, then don't. But, if you have girls that you really want to share you're day with, ask them. If you are worried that you'll put someone out, ask them with the option of them saying no and that being ok. and let them tell you if its an inconvienence. I would imagaine that they'll be honored you asked at all
I will be 34 when I get married, and I will have 5 BM's at our destination, 100 person wedding. Only 1 BM is married, and she has 2 kids, who are my ring bearers..... I will say, though, that, amongst all of us, we have tons of old BM dresses, so my BM's are all wearing "used" (but free) dresses.
Do whatever you want!!
I had two. My sister as Maid of Honor and my college roomate as a BM. I would have had more if I'd married younger, as I had more close friends then that time and distance have lessened ties to.
We are not having anyone stand up with us, but we are having an informal wedding party who will take pics with us. I'm having my 2 childhood best friends (we have remained close) and my cousin. I'm planning on just giving them a color theme for their dresses and we are going to buy the guys the same tie. I think they were happy to be included. I'm going to pay for their hair/make-up too, which will be fun for us in the morning. We'll have about 30-35 guests total.
I was 56 when we married. We had two attendants: my daughter was maid of honor, and my son was dude of honor. That eliminated the need for matching outfits, so they were able to wear nice clothes they already owned. Plus, since we only had a dozen guests, that avoided the wedding party being larger than the guests in the seats.
I will be 31 when we get married and FI will be 30... We are having 7 maids and 7 men... I have been a bridesmaid a bunch of times so I figured it was payback time!! MUHAHAHAHAAAAA!
I'll be 30 (SO will be 33) when we marry and I'm having a maid of honor (my sister) and my SO will have a best man. We don't want a big bridal party or a lot of guests.
I had 2... both are close friends and both were happy to stand up for me and get a dress etc. :) I was 35 when I got married and both of my bm's have 2 small kids and we also had a very small wedding of 37 (including us!).
Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for all the responses so far. I'm still thinking about my options, but I'll be sure to update when I decide.
I'd love to hear any more experiences with BMs after 30 too. It's helpful seeing what has worked for others as I think about what will work for us.
I'll be 33 on WD and I'll have 4 ladies standing with me - my daughter as MOH and 3 friends as bridesmaids.
ETA - Our guest list is ~120!
I'm 34, and we had a huge wedding party: 6 BMs, 2 MOHs, 1 FG, 7 GMs, 2 BM, and 1 RB. We had 160 guests.
I'm 35, it's my first marriage. Our wedding party is huge--but, I have a big family and tons of friends, so it was hard to narrow it down to the 8 BM's and 1 MOH. People definitely raise their eyebrows when I tell them how many there are, but, I've waited a long time for this day, and I want all the people that are special to me to be up there with me.
I'm not 30 yet, but I will be. I'm having 3 bridesmaids (sister, Army friend, and HS friend). He has a best man and three groomsmen.
@littlecat: haha--that is how I feel too!
and yes it is different now that people are older with their own lives. . but I have been really touched by how supportive my friends have been.
4 out of my 7 ladies are moms, but they have all been great abt not making me feel like my wedding is less important than their kids or their lives. they bought the dress I wanted, no questions asked, and I think they are actually excited to get all dolled up. you don't get as much of a chance to do that after babies!
and my 3 childless ones. . .they are who I am depending on for lots of 'bachelorette' type fun!
Listen, it depends on what a bridesmaid means to you. If you want bridesmaids because it's traditional or it would suit the wedding or would look good I wouldn't bother with them. But if having your best friends stand up with you is important to you then go ahead. But I'd suggest doing it the "grown up" way, ie don't tell them what dresses to wear and give them a lot of freedom.
I'm 30 and am having a "best woman", who will also be a legal witness (required in the UK). But I won't chose a dress for her, not even request a certain colour or cut, and the reason I've asked her is because she means the world to me and has been/will be a fantastic support throughout the years. She won't be matching my colour scheme or my napkins though.
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