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Bride's Perspective

posted 3 years ago in Waiting

Member

25 posts

Newbee

twohearts June 2010

Hey everyone!

I'm needing some advice from a bride's point of view. My boyfriend and I are planning to get engaged soon. My boyfriend's sister will be getting married mid-June and has been very vocal about how she doesn't want us to get engaged until after her wedding. My b-friend is blowing this off and plans to proceed in his own time. I've told him to at least not propose the month of or month before. Is that enough time? I don't really want to have to wait another 4-5 months for it to happen, but I don't want to cause problems with the in-laws before they're actually in-laws.

Any advice?

3 years ago

Member

90 posts

Worker bee

luckyinluv July 18, 2009 Seattle, wedding in Bay Area

Hello twohearts,

Well, in my experience, soon-to-be brides can be very sensitive about this sort of thing because of someone else stealing their thunder. Or I've even seen posts about brides being worried of other brides somehow competing with their wedding and constantly taking notes of what not to do. So I guess my question for you is- What exactly is driving your bf's sister to react this way?

As far as your timing buffer +/- 1 month... I think its fine (for me) but she sounds very sensitive. Perhaps, tack on another if you're really concerned. But I don't think you should have to put your lives on hold.

Best of luck :-)

3 years ago

Member

197 posts

Blushing bee

Miss Chocolate Chip

I hope your looking for some honesty here becaue if it were me, I would react like your boyfriend! You should never allow someone to dictate when some of your greatest life moments are created. If this is her personality, can you imagine what other things she might have you wait on in the future... what about having children or buying a house?? He should be able to propose when he feels the time is right, not with any restrictions on it. I wouldn't worry about it until the engagement happends, you might be worrying over nothing. He may wait later than you think, or she may not be as mad as you think...

I hope everything turnd out better than your anticipating! Good Luck :)

3 years ago

Member

1,296 posts

Bumble bee

fizicsGirl 8/1/2009 Michigan

I'm with Miss Chocolate Chip...I don't think it's reasonable for a bride to dictate other people's major life events. And I really don't think any moratorium on proposal dates (except maybe at the wedding itself) is necessary so 1 month is *definitely* way more than enough. My sister is due with her second baby 6 days after my wedding. Now, she wasn't pregnant when I set the date, and she did ask me if I would reconsider it if she got pregnant in the following month. I thought this was waaaaay out of line, and I think she realized it too. My point, it's really not okay for a sister or a FSIL to tell you when to get engaged. And the whole "stealing thunder" think is totally overblown. If you get engaged within weeks of her wedding, it will only add to all the wonderful things your future in-laws have to celebrate! I really don't think any one else in your BF's family would think it inappropriate, and I suspect your FSIL will be too caught up in the excitement of her marriage to notice. I'm sorry if this sounds too blunt, but as exciting as a new engagement is, it really can't quite compete with the actually being married...so I don't think it will matter at all. And the upside is that if you get engaged before you can be in teh family photos too which will make a wonderful memory for your FILs.

3 years ago

Member

73 posts

Worker bee

lotus june 26, 2010 vancouver

I'm not a fan of couples announcing an engagement during a wedding event, including stags or stagettes, rehearsal dinners or next-day brunches/BBQs. I do think any other day is fair game.

If she knows your engagement is so inevitable that she has to make pointed comments about when she doesn't want it to happen, then really she needs to get over herself and realize that she's not in the only serious relationship in the family.

3 years ago

Member

2,655 posts

Sugar bee

Tanya123

I agree with lotus. If you avoid making an announcement at the wedding, or rehearsal dinner etc., you're fine. She has no right to dictate when he proposes. The good news is that since, HE is the one doing the proposing, all of the tension should rest on him not you. (while I'm sure you don't want any tension between the two of them either, it is much better for him to bear that tension in his own family, than you. And if she somehow puts the blame on you, who needs her?)

But I think you are sweet for trying to ameliorate the situation. I hope the FSIL knows how sweet you are.

3 years ago