(Closed) Brides, please advise before I lose it!!! Please!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

In my opinion, since you both do have a relationship with his family, you should invite them.  If y’all are wanting to cut ties, then be upfront and you both need to tell them.  I think your FI needs to get past this dream that his mother is going to do the things he wants.  (We only feel disappointed when our expectations of what will happen aren’t met)  I understand first hand how hard it is to realize that your parent is not capable of doing or being what you need.  It’s tough, but unfortunately it is life.  If I were in your situation I would invite them but make it clear that you are not playing this game with them and they will either show up or they won’t and either way is fine.  You don’t want to hear about the back and forth and changing their minds all the time.  It sounds like your FI is not excusing their behavior on soom level by being hurt instead of angry.  People are who they are and no amount of being hurt or wishing is going to change that. 

Post # 4
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Don’t invite them.  They sound like self centered psychopaths who will ruin your day and make everything about them and if you guys have worked hard to save for your beautiful day, I would not run the risk of having it ruined by dysfunctional and destructive family members.

I know that sounds harsh but I don’t have tolerance for that kind of crap. Blood or not, NO ONE should have to deal with that horrible drama in their life.  It’s too short! 

Just lie to them and say you went to the courthouse and did it and try to keep the wedding a secret/block any wedding pics on FB, etc.  lol

Post # 5
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hey Date Twin!

I have had to deal with this situation before, only it was my dysfunctional family. My FI and I are also footing the bill for EVERYTHING.I think u should put the invite out there just so there is no regrtes about not having his family there. I think you need to sit down with them with ur FI and tell them that you would like them to be a part of your your day but you will not tolerate all their nonsense.Make it clear that if they are not there to support you guys then for them not to even bother showing up.Get it all out in the open and let them decide.Whatever happens enjoy ur day don’t let anybody put a damper on your day!

Post # 6
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This sounds like a judgement call for your FI to make to be honest. They are his family so maybe he should decide?

Post # 7
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Invite them. Leave it up to them to seal the deal with ending relationships. You can be the bigger people in this and hope for the best (even though I know these people will probably do something shitty in the end…they always do for me). If you invite them and they don’t come the ball is in their court. Don’t let the wedding be something that you alienate them with, even though you want to. Extend the olive branch.

However, if on the other hand your FI says not to invite them then it is his choice and I say GO WITH IT! Since it is his side of the family, I think it is ultimately his choice to make, but your feelings are part of that decision too. What does your FI say about inviting them? Sit down and draw out your plan with each other. I’m sorry you have to go through this! By all means in my opinion they sure as hell don’t deserve to come to the wedding. But if it can be a chance for a new and better beginning for you all then maybe there is still hope.

Post # 9
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

From the outside, I feel that your fiance is right in wanting his family there. He is used to them being ridiculous and it probably won’t ever change in the future. But I don’t see it as crawling back, I see it as loving the family that you grew up in. But of course, what I say may be wrong because I don’t know him or his family. Just some thoughts.

If you simply decide not to invite them, you can almost ensure yourself that they will continue to act like this towards you. “She didn’t even invite us to the wedding.. I knew she was etc etc”. I totally get what you’re saying though. You don’t want to expose your daughter to that. I wouldn’t want to either. But there are so many things we can’t save our loved ones from. I say invite them and let them choose whether they come or not. Try to have somebody there who is good at de-escalating situations so that you’re wedding won’t be completely ruined. Hope this helps! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you really believe they will try to trash or ruin your wedding day I’d say NO, do not invite them.  Do not let anyone ruin this important day for you guys. 

But on the otherhand, you don’t want to regret not inviting them after the fact.  Esp if FI would really like them there.  I’d say let him decide.  This one’s tough.

Post # 11
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think your FI really needs to make the decision about his family.  Breaking contact with a family is a very tough job, no matter how bad the family is.  And he can’t be pushed to do it on your schedule.

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