Weddingbee boards

So I'm officially a newlywed and before my "i love weddings!!" feelings run out I was thinking about putting together some sort of recaps here on the boards. Actually less recap more "this was the best part so don't forget ..." or "I wish I had known ..." or "this went right, this went wrong" type of stuff.

I know there were a lot of questions I had floating around in my head before the wedding like "what about xxx?" or "what happens if xxx happens?!" ... so before I get started - is there anything you want to know? Not necessarily specifically about my wedding (but feel free to be specific if you'd like!) but maybe more about being a bride or things actually coming together at the last minute or anything ... if no one asks, I'll probably still tell, but I thought I'd put it out there!

I want to know what detail you stressed about before the wedding that turned out to be not as big of a deal on the actual day of.

Mrs. Cowboy boot totally rocked out on this post -http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/01/17/love-at-the-ranch-our-video-teaser/- it's pretty much exactly what I wanted to say ... but I'll definitely answer all your questions ladies -- and any more that come along, over the next day or two!

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you all ... it's crazy how time can fly ...

@mrsdee -

What went "wrong"/not as planned? -- I was so so good/anal (however you want to look at it) about planning. Along with weddingbee and the fact that I had been to 10 weddings in the year up to my wedding, I really thought I had everything set and ready to go -- and to be honest, I really did. My coordinator was also amazing (came with the venue)  she took everything we said to heart and made the day perfect. A few things that I would consider going 'wrong' -- the timing of my hair & makeup ... this was the one part of the timeline I left pretty open and both the makeup artist and hair stylist said for me to go last - BAD decision. We were totally relaxed all day ... until about 1.5 hours before I was supposed to be totally ready and I hadn't started hair or make up. Everything got done, and heck I thought I looked pretty good - but it was definitely a stressful moment. Because I was so rushed with that, I was rushed getting into my dress, and getting to my first look, so I forgot my jacket (winter in Boston, but we weren't going outside yet so I didn't really need it) and my bouquet  (it did work out for the best because I was able to have my first look without trying to figure out what to do with it while hugging my grrom!) -- but if I had had enough time I wouldn't have forgotten those things, because they were on my list of 'dont forget' but I didnt even really get to look at the list. The only other thing I can think of is that we thought we left plenty of time for photos ... but in all reality if you really want a lot of photos of you and your spouse in a bunch of locations - plan for HOURS of time to do that. We only had about 45 minutes and had a few locations (very close to each other) but didnt get to do as much as we had hoped.

Is there anything that you wish you'd prepared more for?

I'd have to say no - but the reason I can say that is because I spent a lot of time on the timeline - for me - that was important - that the day flowed perfectly, and it did. After talking with our photographers and coordinator they said that timing of things is something that messes weddings up the most. So if you have to travel - plan for lots of extra time for it - if your guests have to deal with buses etc - plan for them to be a little late.  Better to be safe then sorry.

Did your family cause any issues?

Oh yes ... an estranged aunt decided to stand outside the doors - as in they closed the doors before my parenst and I went down the aisle - and wanted to take a photo - but she's one of those who can't figure out how to use her camera and she was like 'oh oh waaait'  as our MUSIC cue was playing. I just stopped and went NO!  Other then that - while planning there were some solid fights between my parents and I, I dont think anything that is too dramatic.  One of my husbands (hehe) extended family members decided not to come because his son who he is estranged from was going to be there -- everyone's got those 'crazy' family members and thankfully we each had one that drove us bananas. But I think that is just something we all have to deal with as we get older. I just hope we dont end up being that crazy aunt/uncle some day!

What was the most important thing you concentrated on during the wedding weekend?

The most important things were - doing it all WITH my finace/husband ... we really made it a point to be together as much as humanly possible. We had a four day weekend (new years eve, jan 1 was the rehearsal dinner and a welcome party, jan 2 the wedding, jan 3 the brunch) so we had a great amount of time to stop and spend time with all of our guests -- we were so lucky. Then at the wedding itself we were really able to rock on and get our dance on!!  In addition to that, once you get to the weekend - just remember, it's all going to happen. Dont worry about the flowers being the wrong color or your bridesmaid with the bad haircut -- you'll be married soon, how crazy is that?!

@whitesonnet -

I would say I stressed about two things

1) The Timeline - which was so worth it because it was perfectly timed and we had SO much fun because i wasn't worried about it that day because I knew I had explained it all to all of our vendors

2) The playlist - umm we paid a DJ a fair amount of money to be ... a DJ!!!  We were super picky about our music playlist and a few times at the beginning of the night our DJ came up to us to ask if he was doing a good job and playing the right songs (which we had asked him to do!  helloooo anal!) - we were having so much we just looked at him and said, you are doing your thing - keep on rocking!  and the dance floor did not clear the entire night.

So yes, have your play, and do not play list - but if you don't feel like it, don't stress, that's why you are paying a DJ / band!

nurseamanda - money money money -- it's the bain of all of our existence right?! fortunatly I had a fairly large budget so it wasn't something I had to worry too much about (I am so lucky and blessed but I wanted to be honest) .... BUT ... I am currently helping a friend plan her wedding and she is on a very strict budget so this is what I have said to her. You really need to just take a step back and prioritize things. Is something for you more important (an expensive veil or pair of shoes) or is something for your guests more important (a dessert bar or an awesome DJ/band) ... I think for every person it is different. Some people might be having a smaller afternoon wedding and think that people will be more focused on the dress/veil/shoes then the drinking and dancing.  You just have to take a step back and view it from another persons perspective. That of say your husband, your parents, your bridal party, your guests ... try to stop totally thinking like a bride.

For example I had this fabulous idea (I'm sure I got it from weddingbee!) for these awesome ceremony programs -- so I showed it to my stationery person (yeah, I laughed at even attempting to DIY, I am so not crafty) and she came back with a ridiculous price and I just thought to myself - as a guest, what do I usually do with a ceremony program - keepit for a week, and then toss it .... so I went with a muuuch cheaper, but still beautiful, option, and all was well in the world. I got a ton of compliments on the ACTUAL ceremony, and only a few on the program ... the ceremony itself was clearly more important.

edited to add: I didnt really answer your question. Fortunately, I didnt have to cut many things. But I did decide to cut menus (we only printed 2 and put them in frames on the bar) - people were going to eat whether or not they knew exactly what it was they were eating.   We did not cut flowers. Flowers are a 'wedding thing' that a lot of people look for/notice/comment on. Again this is all my opinon but hopefully helpful!

Does anyone else have any questions? I'm much better at answering questions then coming up with random recaps.

jackie - way to be on top of things! the simple answer to your question is YES we totally had a big long lull in the middle of our planning. we were engaged for 20 months, yup 20, looong time!  we did pretty much everything you had listed on there in the first 6 months ... and then waited til the last 6 months to do all the rest of it.  You will have plenty of time in the last 6 months to do all the things you listed in your second section. and you'll probably have some help (fiance, friends, family) who will be more willing to help when the time gets closer. i know one of my biggest fights with my sister was because she thought I was doing things way too far in advance and she wasn't willing to help -- but with 2 months to go, she was the BEST and super helfpul in saying 'omg this is really happening what can i do to help?!' and I already had a list of things because I knew she would come along

Taking the time to have a lull is totally worth it ... a few suggestions:

you didnt mention stationery - your invitations are very time sentitive - meaning that they need to be sent out by a certain date 6-10 weeks before the wedding. for me, this was one thing we probably should have been working on or at least thinkng of during our 'lull' ... so if you haven't thought about that, i would consider looking into / thinking about your stationery

lists lists list and due dates ... make an excel spreadsheet or get a notebook that you will keep with you and write it all down so you don't forget ... if you take the time to write it down, write when you want it done by ...

enjoy!  go on dates! talk about being married and not about the wedding!

Thanks for being so helpful! I have a couple of questions...
Did any of your rsvp'd guest bring friends or someone they didn't put on their rsvp card? Basically did you have any uninvited guests? If so how did you handle it? I'm paying per plate and I'm considering telling any uninvited guest they're welcome to stay for the ceremony, but we don't have room for them at the reception.
Did you get more actual gifts or more envelopes w/$ or gcards?

bella - a ton of good questions --

Did any of your rsvp'd guest bring friends or someone they didn't put on their rsvp card? Basically did you have any uninvited guests? If so how did you handle it? I'm paying per plate and I'm considering telling any uninvited guest they're welcome to stay for the ceremony, but we don't have room for them at the reception.

We defintely had a few people ask to bring a guest after receiving an invitation for just one. (Which was quite rude our mind - they are young - there were many singles at teh wedding - they were not in relationships, these guests would be quite random) We really worked with each of these people on a case by case basis but for the most part, prior to the wedding, we made sure everyone knew who was and was not invited to the wedding. So we did not have this problem on the actual day of the wedding. I think this is something you could figure out with your RSVP cards. I know some of the Bees have "we have reserved __ seats in your honor" or they will write "___ of 2 will be attending" ... so you can have these conversations before. If it comes to it on the day and someone does show up who is uninvited - YOU (and your new husband) should NOT be dealing with it!!  You should talk to your coordinator if you have one. or your father/ mother or your In Laws - whoever is related to or knows the invited person who brought the univited guest - and someone ELSE should say something. You have to remember that you just can't control it all on that day and that someone else should step in for you if you need to speak to anyone that day.

Did you get more actual gifts or more envelopes w/$ or gcards?

We got most of the gifts we registered for at our showers, but there were still a lot of gifts purchased off registry which although it soudns very spoiled, is a little frustrating because we now have 5 bamboo cutting boards and 4 glass bowls. So for the most part we got money .. but I think that is also because we made sure not to have too many gifts left on the registry to purchase :)

jackie - you're totally on top of things. i just suggest the list so that you don't make yourself crazy thinking you will forget things. it's also a good outlet that if you're really feeling like doing something wedding related you can go to your list and find something minor and cross it off! good luck!

Thanks a bunch for all this wonderful information!

I will say, I thought I would worry about the play lists, but the more I thought about it, the more I have been like "screw it." I'm gonna let the DJ do what he/she wants. With the exception of our dances and entry songs.

I'm still working out my timeline. But I know it helps to have everyone on the same schedule.

whitesonnet - With five months to go if you're already saying "screw it" you're going to have an awesome wedding!  In my opinion, as long as you're willing to accept whatever happens because the whole point is that you are married, tnen you'll be a happy bride!

heatherlynn - send me a PM with your email and i will send it along -- it has a bit of personal info (names etc.) so I don't want to post it on here -- although if people are interested i could make a "weddingbee" version so that others could see it.

naangel - I thought more people would ask questions!  I have a hard time just talking about the wedding without someone asking me questions.   Feel free to answer any / all of them!  I am sure that all the bees who asked me would love to hear from another bride!!

TP -- I usually weddingbee at work and the timeline is at home, hopefully I remember over the weekend, if not send me a PM cause that goes to my email!

Now to your questions: 

what was your biggest pain to plan? How did you deal with it? Did you have any vendor issues? If you could pass one piece of advice on to future brides what would it be?

biggest pain - We did custom invitations and they turned out AMAZING. but there was so so much going back and forth and revisions and fonts and sizes and shapes - I wanted them to be so perfect, and they were, but it was by far the biggest pain.  We were told that peopel loved them, so it was worth it in the end, but ugh just thinking about it makes my head hurt!  I didn't deal with it very well - lots of frustration but I think looking back how could I have dealt with it better -- been more up front with the designer. Made more of a plan before we got into the nitty gritty. Have it set before that you have 2 or 3 revisions, that's it!  And try, try hard, to take a step back, a deep breath, and realize it's just one detail and it will be beautiful! Vendor issues - barely any!  only issue would be with the stationery again - timing of it - but that was again mostly my fault because I wanted to send the invites 10 weeks out (because near the holidays I didnt want them to get lost in the jumble of holiday cards) ... and I never communicated that to her - but in the end we got them only one day 'late' (still early by most peoples perspective!) and none of the guests noticed.

one piece of advice: look at everything from someone else's perspective. that of your groom, your parents, his parents, a guest, a vendor ... try to think how THEY are thinking .... we wanted a first look, my parents freaked, then I explained to them that there would be more time to enjoy the party they were paying so much money for because we would be done all the formals before the weddign - they got it. We wanted our ceremony guitarist to play the entire songs (not just part of the songs) but he explained to us why he wanted to shorten because of multiple versus and bored guests, we didnt listen, the songs were waaay too long. Just try to look at it from someone else's point of view - they mi ght have a good point (like the guitarist!) or not at all (like my parents!)  :)

m harmon - here are your questions:  when you got married did you change your last name?  If so, did you run into any snags getting your name changed? (DMV, Social Security Office, Banks, etc. )  I'm debating whether I want to keep my maiden name or not.

and my answer: not yet!  But I plan on it! We are in the process of buying a house - and I signed the first half of the documents with my maiden name ... so I have to keep the same name on the final documents to be signed on Feb 26 ... annoying!  But, I have heard that the process is fairly straight forward but very tedious and long. Lots of forms to fill out and lines to wait in (DMV lines here in MA are terrible!)

In my opinion (and this is just MY opinion!) it's just a process to go through once and then it will be done, so I suggest doing it sooner then later if you have no other obstacles. I think that if you decide to change your name you should get married, honeymoon (or relax) and just get going on the name change - you'll already be used to filling out forms and doing all the hard work from the wedding planning that it will just be better to get it changed sooner then later.