Brides to be with babies

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Sfcali:  I don’t have a child, but my thought would be to focus less on the wedding if you feel that stressed about it and that it is taking away from time to bond with your child.

I maintained a 50 hour work week while planing our wedding and felt like it was feasible. By no means am I comparing my job to raising a child, but my job demanded a lot of my time and I still felt like I had more than enough time to plan a wedding.

Your relationship with your child is way more important than your wedding. Perhaps you could write down a lists of “must dos” and focus on those things. Then, allocate a certain amount of time (1-2 hours a day) toward those tasks and stop working on them once the time is up. Anything that isn’t super important should be left off the list or only done if there is extra time.

Post # 3
Member
6865 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

I’m always confused when I see posts like this. What could you possibly be doing/planning that would take up 100% of your time and leave you no time with your daughter? 

I planned a wedding while working full time, volunteering over 10 hours a week, traveling out of town a few weeks at a time, and maintaining my home life. 

I agree with bmo – make a list of “must have/do” and focus. Anything extra that you don’t have time for, allocate out to your mom/MOH/BMs/FI.

Post # 5
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You shouldn’t be comparing the responsibilities of a job with those of a parent. 

Sfcali:  I am in the same boat. I am a mostly SAHM, I work 20-25 hours a week, and I’m planning a huge wedding. I am doing so much research and so many projects just to try and stay on a budget, and I’m still 8 months out. I feel completely neglectful of my daughter, and once she’s in bed I want to go wake her up and play.

We always feel guilty about spending time away from our children, especially when it is for something like a wedding, something they don’t really get much reward from (except maybe married parents). 

Don’t fret about it. I would suggest making sure you take a break, and go play with her. It is always a balancing act. The mere fact you worry about this shows what a great mom you are. Enlist the helps of friends or your FI. I often sit on the floor in her play room to work on projects and let her run around with me, so I’m least with her. And we have cuddle time every evening to watch Frozen (yes, I watch the first 30 minutes of Frozen EVERY night with my daughter. It helps calm her down for bed). 

It will soon be over, you will be glad that you spent the time on the wedding, and you will be with your daughter back to your routines soon.

Post # 6
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Btw, my daughter is 15 months. And shes recently started having tantrums. Being a parent is a 24/7 job, not somtehing you go do for 40-50 hours a week, and then go home and relax in your home… which is clean, because you and your FI are the only ones living in it. Being a mother consumes every minute of every day of your life. We don’t have the weekends to do the things we want to do, like wedding planning, because we are moms 24/7. 

Sorry, the PP actually irritated me a lot. And I’m insulted by it. 

Post # 7
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lubeznik Center for the Arts

Babies are non-stop, never a break, on on on, so it’s not exactly the same as working a job where you might be able to stop and make a quick phone call, send an email, research something online – as long as you have a kid that’s walking and under like 4, you gotta watch them – all the time.

 

Sfcali:  Maybe the best way to handle this is to find a trusted friend or even a neighborhood kid over 14 (mature, responsible, experienced with babies) to take over for half a day for you? Then, you spend quality time with your baby and aren’t distracted, and once a week you get half a day to just focus on wedding planning. 

Post # 8
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I planned my wedding while I was at home on mat-leave with my daughter…I didn’t feel the way you do. Maybe you need to designate some taskts to the bridal party or family members?

I actually found it much easier to plan my wedding while DD was 3-6 months old. She mostly just hung out in her swing and warched me at that age. It was more difficult once she was mobile and trying to eat all my crafting supplies lol.

I guess I am not clear on what you’re doing that is taking so much time away from being a momma? Yes, there is lots to do with wedding planning, but it shouldn’t be consuming your life.

Post # 9
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

An infant who is 3-6 months old is different than a kiddo that’s walking or crawling and needs your attention and interaction. They can’t just hang out in their swing or have tummy time.

Post # 10
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You may need to look into getting a sitter for at least some of the major tasks that you have to do. Even if it is someone who will come to your house, while you are there. A mother’s helper may be the proper term?! Anyway, I am a mom, but I only stayed at home the first year of my sons’s life (which was wonderful) and I was not planning a wedding. He is now in school, so I don’t have to spend so much time focusing only on him. Talk to your FI, and I am sure that he will be alright with it, as it will only be temporary. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

bebelicious1:  +1

OP, I’m not a mother, but when I was 12, I used to go to a family friend’s house and “babysit” their 6-year-old and 8-month-old while the mother was packing up the house to move. It gave her time to plan and get work done without feeling like her kids weren’t getting enough attention. I did about 4-5 hours every Saturday. It was a win-win, too. I got experience babysitting with an adult nearby in case of emergencies.

It doesn’t solve your own feelings of missing time with your baby, but it might help reduce the guilt…

Post # 12
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Daenaria727:  carlsolindsay:   While the two are different, they are similar in that a job and a child demand time and have a certain level of importance. There are times during both which you can step away (obviously OP is deciding to do this while planning her wedding) and there are times when you are unable to step away. You can take a break at work and children will sleep at times.

Like I said, working 50 hours a week isn’t the same as raising a child, but it demanded a lot of my time. I had to decide what was important and what wasn’t important. Then, I had to decide where to allocate my energy and efforts. OP needs to do the same.

 ETA: While I a have respect for both situations, and I am not trying to start an argument, you are completely negating the claim that SAHMs often try to make when they say being a SAHM is like a job…by saying that two are too different, you can’t claim they are same in other areas. Just saying.

Post # 13
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bmo88:  I am not going to jump on you, because there is validity to what you are trying to say. But, I can tell you why people might jump on you. You mention that there is time to step away. This is not always true or not for as long as the OP would like. Most jobs give actual time for people to take a break, usually in its entirety without interruption. This does not always happen with kids. This is especially true of hyper kids, overly stimulated kids and sick kids.  The OP has a baby, which is even more difficult. They can be very unpredictable and inconsolable. This can make it impossible to get things done. They can often get hurt, and when that happens EVERYTHING else stops. The difference with being a SAHM is that there are no real breaks. We can get up and leave work, except for certain medical jobs, when it is time to. SAHMs cannot dictate when they want to go take care of something else, it depends on what is going on with the child. 

This is why I am not a SAHM, I would turn crazy. I don’t know how moms do it, but they are pretty amazing. 

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