(Closed) Brides who are already married, and ones who want to criticize

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No one was criticizing you for wanting a wedding, we were just saying that people might be more cooperative if you call it vow renewal.

Post # 4
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honey, if you are already married, it’s not a wedding.  This is not etiquette, it’s a technicality.  “Why cant a girl dream big and have her big wedding after being married” is redundant. I am curious as to what you have against vow renewal?  Its the same party…as for taking it away from a bride.  YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE, you were before you legally vowed yourself to someone.  Sorry, I am not trying to be rude, you’re just not really reality based. 

Are you ashamed of the term ‘vow renewal’ or something?  I don’t understand why it’s so offensive to you.

edit – and I say this as someone who is legally getting hitched before my public commitment ceremony.

Post # 6
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

From wikipedia:  A wedding is the ceremony in which two people are united in marriage or a similar institution.

 

When you do your JoP ceremony, you are united in marriage, period.  The party, the festivities, and all that stuff, that’s not the wedding. Once you have the JoP ceremony, you are wed. Like it or not, that’s the definition of the word and quite frankly the most likely reason you are getting so much pushback.

Compare it to a birthday. Say my birthday is May 15.  I can get away with having a party the weekend before or the weekend after, but I couldn’t throw a birthday party in August. Why? Because that’s not my birthday.

I don’t think anyone on the other thread was saying you can’t have a big celebration, only that you can’t quite call it a Wedding because— you guessed it— it’s not when you are getting wed.  And because you are not getting wed, you are not a bride and your male counterpart is not a groom. You are already husband and wife. So some of the things and rituals traditionally associated with a wedding, such as bridesmaids, bachelorette parties, and showers, are off-limits to you.  Gifts should be left to the discretion of the guests.

Like it or not, that is the meaning of the word and those are the societal norms. You are, of course, free to host any kind of party you’d like including a birthday party when it’s not your birthday, or a wedding when you’ve already wed. But planning something that is more in line with the actual event will likely evoke more enthusiasm and excitement from your guests.

Post # 7
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes but they usually have just a ‘reception’ afterwards, not a ‘wedding’.

Post # 8
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can do whatever you want.   Just know how others will look at it.  You can’t expect people to pretend like you haven’t already been married.  That’s just insane.  

I’ve waited along time to make it official.  I didn’t do it when we needed the insurance.  I didn’t do it for other benefits.  I’ve waited patiently and a long time to do it the way “I feel” is right.   Doesn’t mean you are wrong.  Just means I’m doing it my way, so go ahead and do it your way. But realize everyone has an opinion one way or another, just don’t force others to pretend against what they believe in.  If they aren’t supporting you, whether its the first or 20th time you are marrying this person, they aren’t going to support you.   Move on.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
12565 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@missdorado26:  You only get one wedding to one person (i.e., you can have another wedding if there’s a new groom after a divorce).  By saying you get multiple weddings, it kind of seems insulting to people who go to the courthouse and have their intimate ceremony there.  Since you are already married, you can’t get married again – it’s a black-and-white situation – either you are married, or you aren’t.  You have said the vows, so saying them again makes them a renewal.

Just my opinion. 

Post # 10
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Because it isn’t a wedding. You are already married.

For your logic to work, you would have to have not considered yourself married for all this time, which you clearly have.

What is so bad about calling it a vow renewal? You can still make it as big and elaborate as you want to.

Post # 11
Hostess
13662 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We had some friends who had to get married at the justice of the peace for reasons related to the groom’s deployment.

A few months later, they had a beautiful ceremony and reception, identical to a “traditional” wedding.

Honestly, the only difference was that on their invitation, instead of being invited to witness their union in marriage, we were invited to witness their renewal of vows — as they’d already been united in marriage.

It was one small, semantic difference. Aside from that, it was like any other wedding, beautiful and full of love.

Post # 13
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@missdorado26:  Why can’t you have all that at a vow renewal?  Makes sense to me to want to share the moment with friends and family.  Nothing wrong with renewing your vows! 

Post # 14
Hostess
13662 posts
Honey Beekeeper

@missdorado26:  Like I said, my friend wore the dress, the veil. They had the reception and the dances. Literally, the only difference was that during the ceremony, they acknowledged that they were saying their vows again in front of family and friends.

Post # 15
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is this a rant or are you trying to change the minds of others?  I don’t understand why you feel the need to be so defensive about the words used to describe the ceremony.  Wedding or Vow Renewal.  Either way, both exist and neither is something to be ashamed of.  Acting so defensive about it, though, makes it seem like you’re losing sight of the meaning behind it all – committing yourself for a lifetime to the person you love.

Post # 16
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve known people to get married at the JOP and then have a big wedding with cermony and reception a few months later. So I don’t have a problem with the idea of having a big wedding after going to the JOP. However, I personally think anything over 2 years is too long to be calling it a wedding. At that point it could be an anniversary party.

The topic ‘Brides who are already married, and ones who want to criticize’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors