Weddingbee boards

My fiance and I have never either - and we've been together almost 3 years. The wedding is in January, and I'm just excited. (We've both had experience before.) Sure, I'll probably be sort of nervous. But hey, it's my best friend! We'll make it fun!

My fiance and I have been together about a year and a half, and for the past year (ironically, when we decided to live together) we decided to stop having sex and wait until we got married.  At first, I thought it was completely ridiculous because hey, you can't undo what was already done, but it's been really great and has made me look forward to our wedding night that much more. Our decision was religion based, but it also was nice for us because we were able to put aside that sexual chemistry that we already knew we had, and focus on our relationship and the future beyond the butterflies.  I commend anybody who sustains for any amount of time as it is extremely difficult, however the payoff on the wedding night (I believe, anyway) will be totally worth it! Kudos to the posts above me, you guys rock!

"While you can certainly disagree with a blogger or another commenter’s ideas, we ask that you refrain from leaving comments that include personal attacks, snarkiness, defamatory remarks, racist remarks, threats, and excessive profanity."

MissDragonfly, I just wanted to copy part of the policy so you knew that personal attacks and snarkiness really aren't appropriate, particularly in such a revealing thread! It's a personal choice and not a reason to attack people for "prudish puritanical concepts". I'm actually really offended by your comment, as I am no where near puritanical nor do I claim to be - I have faith enough that God gave me good enough gut instincts to find the one I am to marry. Sexuality is magical and should definitely be explored! For some, they chose to wait until after marriage, but I don't see how it's a bad thing.  If you're just marrying someone because they're good in bed, that's kinda messed up! If they're bad in bed, there's nothing that a few good books can't teach. 

Personal choice = no need to name call. 

My FI and I are also waiting - for religious belief reasons. He has had sex with previous girlfriends, I will be a virgin until we get married.

Miss Dragonfly - I think a majority of those saving sex for mariage do so because of religious beliefs. I never really understood the whole, "We need to find out if we have chemistry" argument. If you kiss and have physiscal contact wouldn't you know if you have "chemistry?" I can tell I have chemistry with my FI and that we will have great sex! He is passionate, sweet, and gentle. I think it's just a personal choice to have sex or not and needs no justification. I also think trying to find out if they will be terrible in bed is kind of sad! There and doctors and therapists to assist with those kind of problems, as long as both partneres are willing to stand by their life commitment and work out their issues together. I understand it is an important part of marriage, but I just wonder if your fiance was in an accident and could not have sex anymore, if you would break up with him because he would be "terrible in bed"?

 But back on topic - I am glad we have waited. There have been no pregnancy scares. No hurt feeling because one of us didn't feel like having sex. None of the complicated stuff that comes with the pre-marital sex. Anyways, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is just mine!

We waited until our wedding night and it wasn't awkward, painful or embarressing.  I mean, it's not like we were clueless to how things work and to what goes where.  :)  We weren't fumbling around like idiots.. it was all very natural, a lot of fun and pretty hot!  I wasn't nervous, just excited -- it wasn't like we were two strangers together who had never even touched each other before.  

Plus, waiting made our honeymoon so much fun! 

I also don't feel like waiting was any sort of "risk" as someone said. I know of countless happy, successful marriages between couples who choose to do it this way.  Having sex didn't bring any kind of revelation about my husband's character or our relationship or anything.  There wasn't anything that came up that I thought, "Man, if only I had known this before!"

P.S.  You can tell if you have good chemistry without having sex!!

We  were both virgin until our we got married and like most of other brides, we're glad that we did! I also agree with loveletter's post. I didn't feel that waiting was any sort of risk either. The sex was just an icing on the cake. It only adds to our relationship even more.

I'm so, so curious to find out about recent brides' experiences. I just always think that, after the stress of the wedding itself, the LAST thing I'd want is the pressure and pain of our "first time".  Brides, on your special night, did you think to yourself, "I hope he doesn't want to do this again!", or were there fireworks right from the beginning?

I was a bit "lucky" because 2 days before my wedding day, I got my period :) I told him in advance so that he wouldn't "expect" and be dissapointed. He understand and we waited again until my period was done. Meanwhile, we could actually spend more time being intimate towards each other. However, even if I didn't get my period, we also talked about the possibility of doing it on the second night, just because the wedding night would be super exhausting for us.

So... yes... the first time.. honestly it was painful for me, but it went pretty natural and not really embarassing. We read a lot of books in advance for knowledge. It took me about a week or so to get used to it :) I think it would be different for everyone. I was told that the "pain" varies on every woman. I think the pressure depends on the relationship and intimacy level that you have with your husband(-to-be). Being open and honest about each other's feeling and expectation really helps!

This is really interesting.  My finace and I have had this talk before.  We did not wait until marriage to have sex, but we are eachothers only partners, so I know exactly where he has been.

 While I do agree the sexual chemistry argument should not be the sole reason for choosing or not choosing to have sex before marriage, it does make a difference.  Sex brings you to a whole different level of comfort and intimacy (obviously).

I had a friend tell us that there are three things that will cause problems in any relationship.  Sex, Money and children.  It is true.  I love my fiance to death, but it isn't like the books, where everyone is in the mood at the same time.  That is an obstacle in a relationship that takes getting used to and communication to overcome. I am definately not saying that it isn't something that can be dealt with afte rmarriage, but it is something that everyone needs to be aware of and talk about openly.

 Neither of us are religious people, which is one of the reasons we did not wait.  We were also 23 and 24 years old, and I knew he was it for me when we did have sex.  I didn't see the point in waiting, and building all the expectations and everything.  I loved him, he loved me.

I'm all for waiting if it is agreed upon between both of you and you have the willpower to do it!!  And it seems like everyone here knows it isn't going to be like the movies or books the first time, it is awkward, and it is ok to laugh at yourselves!!  Just remember practice makes perfect!  ;)

My husband and I waited until our wedding night, after 8 years of dating.

Was it awkward?  Yeah... a bit.  But we didn't hype it up to be a big deal, just a natural progression of our relationship.  Both of us like to laugh about *everything*, and this was no exception.  We pretty much laughed our entire way through our first sexual experience.  When we were done, we laughed about how not-great it was (it wasn't horrible, just not great).  It totally worked for us since we weren't expecting this amazing, intimate experience. 

We both knew of the lack of sexual experience that the other had, so it's not like we were expecting someone who knew exactly what they were doing.  So as far as being embarrassing -- we never thought of it in that sense.