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This is a bit of a tough situtation. It seems like she's expecting you to not bring your newborn to the wedding in any capacity. Whether this means either as a guest, or as a bm with your sister/sitter in attendance. I think the first thing you have to decide is whether or not you feel comfortable being away from your baby for the afternoon/evening. If you don't think you can, then I think you have to decline her invitation. Explain to her that you won't be able to come without the baby, and let her decide if she wants to allow you to bring him/her... this decision really isn't up to you. If you think you can be away from the baby for the afternoon/evening, then just have your sister/sitter watch the baby. If you're breastfeeding, you will have to pump, anyway, so you'll leave milk for the baby at home, and make sure you have a private space to allow yourself to pump sometime while you're at the reception (for your own physical comfort, not for the baby, since the baby will be at home). By the wedding, you may not even still be breastfeeding, or breastfeeding may not have worked for you or the baby. Regardless of what you do, this is totally an awkward situation for you to be put in, but I'm sure if you explain your concerns, she'll at least be understanding, if not accomidating.
Is it possible to leave your baby home and pump some milk for her? How far is the event to your home? It seems like you could be part of everything all day and still be close enough if you had to go home. But hopefully you can just leave your baby some milk with your sister so she can babysit.
If its at a hotel, maybe consider getting a room and your sister and baby can hang upstairs?
do you know if other children will be there? If not I would think of alternatives so that your baby and sister doesn't "follow you around" and you should use the time to enjoy the event.
My FI's cousin will have a 5 month old when we are married and they simply plan on pumping milk and leaving her home for the event.
That is a really tough situtation...
Personally, I think you should regretfully decline, if you are going to be nursing. I breastfed each of my children, and from personal experience, I would be worried about leakage if you aren't able to feed your baby on schedule. It is an honor that she asked you, but you should go with what you feel is best for you and your baby.
I think I would start with what would be your best case scenario? Do you want to even be in it? You said you felt honored. (Sure she felt close enough to you to ask you.) But you also said you were hoping she wouldn't have asked you. Is that because you really aren't into it, or just because of the baby? If you could get the whole baby thing ironed out, would you be psyched to be a BM?
If you want to be in the wedding, I would approach her with your ideas and see what she says. Honestly, if she is that adamant on keeping the BP even, and she is hard up for friends, she might lenient on your requests. If you're not that into the idea of being a BM, I think you should do yourself a favor and step down. (And really, knowing that you two will have a 4 month old, and still wanting you both in the wedding, she is either begging to give you an accommodation, or is pretty self centered.
As for dealing with the baby for the wedding, do you know how long the ceremony will be? when the bride expects you to be ther to get ready, etc.? It might be that you will only need to be away from the baby for a short while (maybe for pics).
@ksarasin: Start pumping. I pumped all the time and stored containers in the freezer for times I would be gone for more than a few hours. By the time she was 5 months old, I had the whole side of the freezer packed with frozen milk. Ask your sister to watch the baby all day. Trust me, you are going to enjoy the time off. Buy nipple pads so you don't leak through your bra and dress.
If you don't want to do that then just decline to be a bridesmaid.
I would either pump and have your sister babysit, or decline. If she does not want children/babies at the wedding, she should understand that some people may not be able to attend.
why can't you leave the baby with your sister? it will be 4 months old, which is around the time most moms return to work, so it's not like you can't be away from the baby for a few hours. you'll just have to pump.
My sister who is one of my MOH's will have a 9 month old baby by the time of my reception. Although, her husband isn't in the wedding party and her baby will be older than yours. But they are bringing his parents to the church and then they will be taking the baby hack to their house to babysit. Maybe your parents/sister could do similar? Or you could just leave the reception early if you didn't want to leave your baby for that long. My sister has some concerns with the loud music and her baby... but I know other people who bring their infants, so not sure if it's a big deal or not. Or you could jsut regretfully decline- she HAS to understand the situation it would put you in.
One of my sisters BM's was breastfeeding on her wedding day adn just scheduled the hair appointment around feedings. It was a little hectic, but it worked out. She had her parents watching the little one during the reception and they weren't invited ot the wedding, they just stayed nearby.
Thanks for all the feedback.
Here are the answers to some of the questions you have posed to me:
1. The wedding is being held at a golf course outside of the city. It's a 45 minute drive from both me and my sisters houses. I do not know what time it will begin in the afternoon but the ceremony & reception will all be held at the same place. I am unsure about pictures. The hair appointment will be in the morning in the city, an hour away. My house is between the hair appointment and the pictures so I am not really worried about the hair appointment.
2. There will be a few other children there for sure but they are all relative from what I know. The MOH (bride's sister) will have a 3-year-old and a 10-month-old. The bestman (groom's brother) will have a 3-year-old. Their significant others will be there of course and neither are in the wedding party. Another sister of the bride (not a bridesmaid as she is expecting only a few weeks before) will have a newborn and a 3-year-old.
3. The only reason I said that "I was really hoping she would think of someone else to ask in the end" is because of the timing of the wedding. In addition to the new baby, because my husband is already in the wedding party our costs will increase. As mentioned, I am already in another BP earlier in the summer so I have already purchased another $200 dress and plan on contributing financially to organizing that bride's shower/stagette. We can technically 'afford' this second wedding with our savings but then we have to go without for other 'wants' we have for ourselves or the baby. It is not that I wouldn't like to stand up for her and don't feel close enough to her to - it is mainly a baby comfortability (and, as you can see, subsquently financial) timing thing.
4. I live in Canada so I will be on maturnity leave for a year so I will still definitely be breast feeding at that time, if I am physically able to to begin with. Although I know it's not a guarentee, all of my mothers, maternal aunts & cousins (5 in total) were able to breastfeed. In fact, nearly all of them complained about their experience with leaking through nursing pads without even realizing it. I already plan to pump but, because of their experiences, am primarily worried about leakage.
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A friend of mine, whom I've known for almost 5 years since she started dating her fiance (my husband's best friend), recently asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in 10 months. She knows that I am currently pregnant with my first baby and that the baby will be 4 months old at the time of her wedding. She has said that she realizes that I won't be able to be able to be able to be heavily involved in the planning of the shower or stagette, since the baby will be a newborn at that time.
Here's the issue: My husband has already been asked to be in the wedding party as a groomsman so the baby cannot 'tag along' in my husband care, which is our plan for another wedding I'm in earlier in the summer. Because of this, she was, of course, hesitant in asking me. Unfortunately, she does not have a lot of close friends compared to her fiance, he really wants the 3 guys he's selected to stand up for him, and they are both adamant in wanting to have an 'even' wedding party (ie: they don't want the groomsmen to overpower the bridesmaids in numbers) so she still has asked me. Since I was taken off-guard by her request (I was really hoping she would think of someone else to ask in the end), I said that I would be honoured (well, I am). The next question she asked 'what would I do on the day of the wedding (ie: with the baby)'? Since I was still off guard by the first question, I didn't really have an answer and said something like "I guess I'll figure something out".
Since this discussion a few days ago, I have thought a lot about a possible plan for the day of. First off, since my husband is a much closer friend to the groom than I am to the bride (to put it in perspective, he was the bestman at our wedding & she wasn't in our wedding party), I strongly feel that my husband not being in the wedding party to 'even the numbers' is not an option. I have come to two options, both of which I have proposed to the bride and have told her I am perfectly fine with either. I have also tried to assure her that I am not trying to give her an ultimatium to make her already difficult wedding planning harder (I hope she doesn't see it like this).
Option 1: I politely decline the offer to be a bridesmaid and attend the wedding as a guest. In that option, I would likely still have to bring the baby to some of the festivities but may be able to drop him/her off with my sister for a few hours so I could enjoy the dinner/speaches before having to go home.
Option 2: My sister (who gets along well with her, although is not close enough to be invited to 80-person event) follows me around as the babysitter for the day. As a result, she will subsquently need to be counted as a guest at the wedding.
Could I get some general feedback on if you think my options above were far to propose to her? I should also note that, besides the fact that I will be a new mother and will not know the baby's temperment until much closer to the wedding day, I also plan on breastfeeding. Also, although the wedding is currently only at 80-people, I can state that the venue can hold much more than that and these numbers were due to the selection of people to be invited.