- 7 years ago
A friend of mine, whom I’ve known for almost 5 years since she started dating her fiance (my husband’s best friend), recently asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding in 10 months. She knows that I am currently pregnant with my first baby and that the baby will be 4 months old at the time of her wedding. She has said that she realizes that I won’t be able to be able to be able to be heavily involved in the planning of the shower or stagette, since the baby will be a newborn at that time.
Here’s the issue: My husband has already been asked to be in the wedding party as a groomsman so the baby cannot ‘tag along’ in my husband care, which is our plan for another wedding I’m in earlier in the summer. Because of this, she was, of course, hesitant in asking me. Unfortunately, she does not have a lot of close friends compared to her fiance, he really wants the 3 guys he’s selected to stand up for him, and they are both adamant in wanting to have an ‘even’ wedding party (ie: they don’t want the groomsmen to overpower the bridesmaids in numbers) so she still has asked me. Since I was taken off-guard by her request (I was really hoping she would think of someone else to ask in the end), I said that I would be honoured (well, I am). The next question she asked ‘what would I do on the day of the wedding (ie: with the baby)’? Since I was still off guard by the first question, I didn’t really have an answer and said something like “I guess I’ll figure something out”.
Since this discussion a few days ago, I have thought a lot about a possible plan for the day of. First off, since my husband is a much closer friend to the groom than I am to the bride (to put it in perspective, he was the bestman at our wedding & she wasn’t in our wedding party), I strongly feel that my husband not being in the wedding party to ‘even the numbers’ is not an option. I have come to two options, both of which I have proposed to the bride and have told her I am perfectly fine with either. I have also tried to assure her that I am not trying to give her an ultimatium to make her already difficult wedding planning harder (I hope she doesn’t see it like this).
Option 1: I politely decline the offer to be a bridesmaid and attend the wedding as a guest. In that option, I would likely still have to bring the baby to some of the festivities but may be able to drop him/her off with my sister for a few hours so I could enjoy the dinner/speaches before having to go home.
Option 2: My sister (who gets along well with her, although is not close enough to be invited to 80-person event) follows me around as the babysitter for the day. As a result, she will subsquently need to be counted as a guest at the wedding.
Could I get some general feedback on if you think my options above were far to propose to her? I should also note that, besides the fact that I will be a new mother and will not know the baby’s temperment until much closer to the wedding day, I also plan on breastfeeding. Also, although the wedding is currently only at 80-people, I can state that the venue can hold much more than that and these numbers were due to the selection of people to be invited.