Post # 1
I have a question to ask regarding asking someone to be a bridesmaid. I have a very dear friend who I want to ask to be a bridesmaid. She has already offered to help me prepare/make things/help in any way she can, and I am fairly certain she would love to be a bridesmaid.
Here’s the problem:Her husband was recently laid off, and they are struggling financially. If I could afford to I would pay for her dress and accessories because that is how badly I want her to be a special part of my day, but I simply cannot (our wedding budget is only $5k). In addition to any bridal party costs, she would also be flying in for my big day from out of town.
Should I ask her to be my bridesmaid? How do I let her know that if she cannot afford to be my bridesmaid, that I understand and that I don’t want her to feel obligated, but at the same time would love it if she could?
The wedding is not until next fall, so things might change financially for her before then, but I just want to be prepared with a tactful way to broach the subject when it comes. I have never been in a wedding before, so I am not sure how this is usually discussed. (She was married before I met her!)
Thanks in advance ladies!
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
Well, it sounds like you aren’t the type of bride who wants to go over the top with the wedding (just by your username and the sentiment of this post). How many BMs are you looking at having? Do you already know what kind of colors you’re going for in terms of the BMs and decor? If she were a guest like anyone else, would she make the travel expense to come to your wedding? I am just thinking that maybe you can choose a neutral color for your BMs and maybe they will already have a suitable dress to wear in the wedding (and shoes/accessories) so they won’t have to spend a lot to be in the wedding. You said she is already more than willing to help you and do projects (which means, to me, that she is also willing to shell out a bit of money, if necessary). I think if you ask her, she will tell you if she has concerns with the costs of being a BM. I’m just throwing some thoughts out there. I’m sure everything will work out though!
Post # 4
I think ask her to be a bridesmaid – finances shouldn’t (in an ideal world) limit whether a friend can be honoured on your special day. But maybe consider having mismatched bridesmaid dresses, and just ask them to wear any style of dress in a particular colour – that way, she might be able to wear something she already owns, or pick up something cheap somewhere else. Personally, I don’t think it’s worth picking out a brand new dress that she might never wear again if both of you are on a budget. If your other bridesmaids aren’t in matching dresses, no one will mind at all.
As for her flying in, I guess that how she gets to the wedding is really up to her – if she can’t afford to fly in at all, she can’t even attend as a guest, let alone a bridesmaid, so I think ask her to be a bridesmaid (letting her know you understand things are tough, so she can back out at any time), and see how things go.
Post # 5
Don’t regret not having a very important person in your life not be in your wedding. Like you said, things may change in the next year for her. But remember that you might need to explain things to other bridesmaids and let them know she may not be throwing in as much for bridal shower/bachelorette party due to circumstances.
As for the dresses, I am doing different bridesmaids dresses for each bridesmaid..maybe that could be an option for you? You could stay with a certain color from a Brand and tell them to chose from that. That way you can use the websites such as Weddingbee Classifieds or recycledbride.com to find a dress that is the same color and size you are looking for for a much cheaper price than retail. Just an idea…don’t want you to regret not having her with you on your day!
Post # 6
You have a few options:
You can ask her to be a bridesmaid but let her know you don’t need a response for awhile while she mulls the idea over since you know that being a BM is a large time and financial commitment.
You can wait awhile before you ask her. Just know that once you ask, its hard to “un-ask.”
Post # 7
She did mention that she would make it out for my wedding “whatever it takes” so she would come even as a guest.
I am doing this on a budget, and I understand others are on a budget too, so it would be either neutral dresses or something very basic. I am going ot have one Maid of honor, and one other bridesmaid (so three if she chooses to particpate). I do want to ask her, but I just don’t want her to feel obligated, or feel weird about saying no due to financial constraints.
Thanks for the advice ladies! 🙂