- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
My name’s Lindsey and I’m getting married to my perfect match next January. 🙂 I’m 23 and I’m having some issues with bridesmaid selection… Don’t we all? That’s why I’m seeking your advice on how to resolve this situation.
I have one sister (14) and about a million cousins. I’m the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family and no one is my age. I have a cousin who is 20 (SM), but she lives in my country of origin and I’m not sure she’ll be able to attend. (I’ll hopefully find out soon.) I’d love for her to be in my wedding party, but I can’t count on her.
Other than that, the closest female cousins to my age are 17. Over the last couple of years, I’ve gotten really close to one of them (N). She lives out of state, but we regularly converse on the phone and make sure to see each other whenever we can. I am 100% sure I want her as my bridesmaid and she’s so excited to be one.
The other one (S) lives closer to me, but we don’t talk much. She’s great, but we don’t have as close of a relationship. It’s good, but it’s not close. She is, however, also close to N and so I feel bad asking one and not the other. (There are no other female cousins that are over 14, so they’re not an issue.) I really want to preserve that relationship and when I told her I was getting married, she did get really excited.
For some more context, here’s rundown on who I’m considering.
Sister (14) – Yes
Cousin N (17) – Yes
Cousin S (17) – I don’t know
Co-worker/friend J – Most likely
Cousin SM – If she can attend
Childhood friend H – If she can attend (she’s also in my country of origin)
I haven’t known J for very long, but she’s wonderful. She’d make an awesome maid of honor (and looking at the list, seems like the most logical one). But we’ve only known each other for a year and been close for a few months. I’d feel a little weird asking her be my MoH, but she’d be the best at it. Everyone else is a minor and/or not living nearby. I would just say, “Hey, let’s not have a maid of honor!” but my fiancé is having a best man, his best friend since they were four. I wouldn’t want to take that away from their relationship.
There is also one more person to consider… My best friend. The problem is, he’s, well, a he. We’ve been friends since junior high when I moved to the US. I know that in a lot of places that would be fine, but my family is super conservative and the fact that I’m not having a religious ceremony is about as much shock as they can probably handle. I’ve never seen anyone here have an opposite-gender attendant. Also, people always thought/think we were/should be a couple, so that could create more drama. We’ve never dated. He’s gay, but not everyone knows. Oh, and the best man is quite homophobic.
I really love him, but he isn’t a part of my daily life as much as before. I think the best solution might be to have him play another role in the wedding, but I don’t know what that would be. (BTW, he has met my fiancé, but they don’t really know each other well. My sweetie and I have small separate social lives and lots of alone time.) Any suggestions for something he could do?
Which brings me back to my cousin S: She’s a wonderful pianist. I was thinking that maybe she could play for our ceremony, allowing her to be a part of the day. I just don’t know if that’s a “good enough” compromise. Is there another way to include her more? Or should I just include her in the group? I’m trying to keep the numbers down, but in the end, I’d rather preserve that relationship so that it can continue to grow.
Phew, that was a lot… Hopefully someone further along the wedding planning road can help me out! Thanks for taking the time. 🙂