Weddingbee boards

This is such a hard topic for me. One of my bridesmaids, whom I've known since I was little and is still one of my closest friends, is also a professional photographer.  I think she is an amazing photographer, but I always have known I wanted her to be in my wedding,  versus having her "work" it.

She recently told me she'd LOVE to do both! She said she would have a second shooter who would shoot any parts she's in; perhaps have her walk down the aisle first and stand on the side then sneak out to shoot the rest of the ceremony.  I actually do not have any doubts on my friend's capabilities as a photographer (she is shooting our engagement photos and was one of my top choices for wedding photographer if she were not in the wedding)... But would this really work?

I am afraid this may turn out to be too much for my friend (she has not done this before) and I'm also afraid of what the guests may think (that I'm making my poor friend do all this work at my wedding!)  I love my friend dearly and do not want to hurt her feelings :/ Ideally, I actually would love her to do both but again, is that really plausible?

Should I try to pick another photographer or even pick another bridesmaid?  I feel I would hurt her feelings (even is she says she's okay with whichever I decide) by doing either one.  I do have a couple of other choices for BM, but I love my choices already! (My current bridesmaids are two childhood friends, one college friend, and my brother's gf whom I am very close with).  Should I let her try and do both, trusting in her abilities as a photographer?

Has anyone experienced having someone in the wedding party also be the wedding photographer? Or anyone have any advice?? One of my bridesmaids told me this might not be a good idea (however she does not know this friend).  I really do not know what to do...

I wouldnt let her do it.. its too much and it would be destracting to the guest for her to get oiut of the line ups. Plus she may be too into the ceremony to remember to get all the shots. Photogs take thousands of pictures throughout the wedding day and then choose some hundreds from them..honestly she'll be too tied up. Tell her you love her work but want her there as your friend more.. have her do your engagement shots and save the date shots and tell her shes welcome to take any other she likes but you really want her sharing the day with you as a friend versus as a vendor

@sheilad72: I wish it were that easy because my friend really really wants to shoot my wedding and has told me she's very excited to do so.  Seeing her so excited makes me feel somewhat guilty to consider someone else. I was thinking of perhaps hiring another photographer and suggest my friend as his/her second shooter... But I know for my friend that that will not be the same.  For a professional photographer, there is a big difference between being the main photographer and being the second shooter. I hope you can see my dilemma :(

@Ashley_B: Ideally, I do think it's best to have an independent photographer.  I am a pretty easy going person so the reason why I would not want her to be both isn't that I'm afraid she won't do a great job with the photos (I actually think she'll do an amazing job!) or that she isn't capable of pulling it off but that it might be too much for her as some have said. I'm more worried about her than the actual photo part.  She may think it will be an easy task, but what will she think on the actual wedding day when she literally will have to be in two places at once?

She said that she could have her second shooter shoot the ceremony, but since she loves to take photos so much she'd rather also help with shooting the ceremony too (ie sneak out during the ceremony, which I guess technically she does not have to be there the whole time since I do have someone else as the MOH).

I do kind of chuckle to myself imagining her with her huge DSLR camera and gigantic camera bag whilst dressed up in her bridesmaid gown, lol.

@Ree723: Thank you so much for the reply :)  We are planning on having her shoot the engagement photos already.  It means a lot to both my friend and I to have her do the e-pics.

I have tried to tell her my concerns as you have suggested, but her reply is usually, "Don't worry!  I can totally do both!!" LOL... Gotta love her passion and confidence, I guess :)

As a pro photog myself, I would say this is a definite no. I would never consider doing this myself as it could easily go very wrong and negatively impact both the friendship and her business. I would have her doing one or the other, my reasoning:

-It will be extremely difficult for her to do both regardless of what she says. Whereas I am sure she is a perfectly capable photographer, this is a very strenuous scenario and will most likely negatively effect her photographs. It would negatively effect any photographers ability to to their job right, as weddings are very fast paced and full of constant changes as it is for a photographer. Adding this is just adding fuel to the fire for potential screw ups and missed shots.

- "perhaps have her walk down the aisle first and stand on the side then sneak out to shoot the rest of the ceremony" - This. This would just be odd. If she sneaks out to shoot the ceremony, then she wont be in the photos of the ceremony? I personally, would want all of my wedding party present in the ceremony images. It would just be odd to have one "missing".

-You say you love HER images. If she brings someone else to shoot what she can not, they will not be her images and there is no telling what quality they will be.

You should decide which position her being in is more important to YOU. It is your wedding and you should not have to spend the day wondering if your BM/photographer is getting all the shots or not.

If you choose to have her as a BM, tell her you would love her to bring her camera still and shoot whenever she can. Make sure you clear this with the other photographer if you hire one though, as most pro's have a non-compete clause in their contract and this could possibly void your contract in the midst of your wedding.

If you choose to use her as the main photographer, my only advise it to get a contract and to get everything in writing. This will save the friendship and help avoid any "he said/she said" type tension over what you are supposed to be getting service and product wise. 

Good luck to you!

@atomic: Thank you for the comment, it was very helpful!  It is great to get the perspective of another pro photographer.  You provided some insight into the matter that maybe I did not consider. (She has a non-compete clause too in her contract and has had a problem with a guest like that before, so if I pick her to be my BM I'm sure she won't be bringing a camera other than a point-and-shoot for fun).

I know she is excited to potentially be both my bridesmaid and photographer, and this may have clouded her judgement.  Although I'm still not sure what to do, I do think everyone who replied is correct in saying I need to decide to have her be one or the other and not both.  To me, it is more important for her to be my BM.  However, I get the feeling that she may prefer to be my photographer more, which turns this into a hard decision.  Still not sure what I will do, but a big thank you to all who replied :)

I would caution against using her as your photographer even if she was just a guest. My friend is a professional photographer and he gifted his services to another friend for her wedding. He admitted afterwards that he a) didn't get to enjoy any part of his friends wedding and b) was surprised by how many "must have" shots she told him she needed. Then on the flip side, he was very slow with getting her the retouched photos back, but she didn't want to bring it up with him because he was a friend and she felt bad about it. So instead she just let him take forever with her photos! I think in the end it did strain their friendship for a while.

As a person that had a groomsmen as a photographer at our wedding, I highly discourage it. The ceremony pics are horrible, and we are no longer on speaking terms due to his irresponsible nature during the wedding/reception as he was drinking quite a bit. It would probably be in your best interest to hire a professional that is a stranger. You don't want to mix friends with business. We learned that the hard way.

I agree with others that it would probably be too much.  Someone else suggested this above, and I will second (or whatever) it. 

How about having her do a rock the dress type shoot after the wedding?  She still gets to take pictures for your wedding, but can enjoy the day.

Kwynn had some good points too .... I hadn't even thought about the attire when I responded before. Shooting a wedding in a dress and heels would be absolutely horrid. I usually get a bit sweaty running around (esp. with summer weddings) and can't image that she would stay "fresh" looking either. 

We were just talking about our weddings at Thanksgiving with a couple of friends. One of my friends had her cousin shout the wedding...come reception time, she just wanted to have a good time at the reception. She said this was a MAJOR regret from the wedding, so I would definitely advise against it.

@BrightGreen: My friend has shot a couple of weddings of some very close friends before. After doing so, she must know what being a photographer entails and that she will not be able to enjoy the wedding like as if she were a guest.  My main concern was that she would not be able to enjoy the wedding, too.  Since she is not concerned, I have to trust she knows what she's getting into.

@Marriedandlovingit: Sorry about the fiasco at your wedding; the whole situation with your photographer/groomsman sounds awful :/  My friend will not drink if she covers the wedding (this is her standard policy)

@kwynn: She has shot many many weddings and is usually booked solid during wedding season.  She takes her photography very seriously and is completely professional while doing her job. If she were less experienced, I definitely would be more hesitant.  However, maybe since she has the experience, she may feel she can handle doing double duty?  I actually would not mind if she wanted to change out of her dress after the ceremony.  I know bridesmaids who have changed into a more comfortable dress near the end of the wedding.  Having her stay in her BM dress is not important to me; I actually would prefer she didn't if she felt it would impede her ability to do her her job effectively.  Once the reception starts, I would relieve her of any BM duties if needed.

@Kewii:I'm definitely considering a Day After (or Rock/Trash the Dress) shoot with her if I pick a different photographer for the wedding!

She has a second shooter that works with her 95% of the time (and whom I also know).  If it were her alone, I definitely would say no.  She is considering bringing a third shooter if need be. She's done many weddings so I'm sure she knows there are certain shots that every photography needs to make sure to catch.  Missing shots (although I'm not worried she will) is a risk that comes with any photographer, though.  As to the weddings of friends' she's shot, everyone just raves about her.  She is a close friend of mine and I'm not worried about our relationship.  Wedding photographs, to me, are not worth losing a friend over.  If so, I would question our friendship to begin with (which I don't, at all, nor do I even anticipate any disappointments or disputes over the photos).

Again, I like to think of myself as an easy going person and while the photographs are important to the wedding day, they are only great additions in my mind.  They are tangible complements to the memories we'll have.  Sometimes I think people place too much emphasis on the photos, but that is only my opinion as someone who has not gone through the Big day yet.  For everyone who was concerned about the quality of the photos, I completely understand.  Again, I think she'd do an amazing job either way. My main concern wasn't over the photographs, but more of what Ree723 said about her ability to enjoy being a BM in my wedding.

I still have yet to decide, but I do have some time before I need to make a final decision. I definitely will talk to my friend in depth and would go over every detail of how this would work if she attempts double duty. Thank you again for all the replies.  Everyone has made me consider this situation very carefully.  I especially appreciate all the concerns and potential limitations/catastrophes :)

@maureen9004: My friend feeling rushed is what I am worried about, too :/

@imalittlebirdie:  She is a bridesmaid, so she might not have a lot of time for the getting ready photos as she needs to get ready herself!  I was toying with the idea of hiring a photographer part time, but I don't know if I want to handle having "two" photographers for the wedding day.

@NDBee: I do think she sees this as a gift to me too.

For clarification, the thought of her acting as bridesmaid AND photographer did not cross my mind at all!  My friend was the one who brought up wanting to shoot my wedding, saying she would truly enjoy being both.  She also emphasized that shooting my wedding would not be work to her.  I feel as if I will hurt her feelings if I decided against having her shoot the wedding.  Since she's in the wedding industry, she has developed a lot of connections that she has referred me to... is it wrong for me to let her shoot as a thank you for all the help she's been towards me already? Objectively, I would say no right away in any other circumstance, but again she is a very close friend of mine and has reassured me many times she can handle both...

@NDBee: I agree with everything you said, especially about being able to do both roles well and still enjoy herself.  But how do I convince my friend of this? lol...

I almost want to say if she's so insistent in being both (and if I agree to it), she has to take responsibility of this choice.  (ie, therefore cannot be upset with me if she finds the situation less than stellar in the end)... but then I think that is very unfair of me to even consider it as, in the end, the choice ultimately is mine.

My best friend and bridemaid is an extremely talented professional photographer, and also offered to take our wedding photos. I told her no way! I told her she is the most talented photographer I know, and while she is my first choice for family photos, engagement, and maybe a rock the dress shoot afterwards, I wanted her with me the entire day, not working. 

Maybe if you stress to your friend that you need her with you, and prefer her company to her working for you, she will understand. Explain how stressful weddings are, and how you need her support. Also that you want her in your photos, and dancing with you etc, not behind the camera. 

We were in a similar situation; My FI's best man (who lives in China!) is a professional photographer, and actually did the wedding for my brother in law. My FMIL suggested he also do our wedding, but I'd prefer he just be a guest especially since we don't see him often. If he wants to bring his camera and take some photos that is up to him, but I have hired another professional so he can decide how to enjoy his time.

I'd say let your friend bring her camera if she wants to take some photos, and maybe give them to you as a gift - but it shouldn't be "work" for her in case she decides being in the wedding is enough for one night. 

I was in my brother's wedding a couple of years ago and I took a few photos of all of my brothers getting ready because my husband was covering the girls, but as soon as it was my turn to get my hair done I put the camera down and he handled the rest of the day.  It was SO distracting having my family members around me and all of the emotions of the day. I can't imagine having had to focus and work that day, it just wouldn't have been the same.

@Miss Godiva:  Thank you for the update!  I haven't been on here much.  We haven't finalized anything so I guess I'm still undecided... BUT against just about everyone's suggestion I think I may have my friend be both.  I know, seems unreasonable since everyone is telling me NOT to, but my friend and I will make sure to hash out the details if we decide this.  If she says she can, I can only put faith in her judgment no?  Wish me luck!

@heatherburks:  This is reassuring to finally see someone who's pro for this situation.  I have heard of a best man/photographer combo. My friend has shot many many weddings and always work with the same second shooter who does 99% of her weddings with her. If this was not the case or she did not have a second shooter, for sure I would have said no! I was actually considering having her walk down first so she's at the end and sneak off right before vows. I'm glad I'm not crazy for even considering this.  Thank you so much for your reply!

I will make sure to update everyone post wedding to let you know how it all went (it won't be for another 16 months though!).  I hope I don't regret it, lol, but honestly it may be optimistic for me to say but it might just be a wonderful experience for the both of us. I really can't think of someone who I would want to shoot my wedding more than my talented childhood friend who will also be one of my bridesmaids. I do value everyone's opinions though and thank you ladies again for all your replies during this tough choice!

@continuumphotography:  families and weddings are very emotional!  If she was my sister, it may be a whole different story! Glad you got to enjoy the wedding as just a guest :)