Bridesmaid backed out planning bachelorette party last minute – VENT

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
715 posts
Busy bee

OP, sorry you’re having to deal with this. 

I hope you have a fun party anyway!

Post # 4
7467 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Maybe she felt like she couldn’t tell you because of the situation you put her in. From reading your post it says that you told her to throw you a party and you told her when and where to have the party. Maybe she feels a bit overwhelmed and controlled and didn’t know how to say no to you since you were being so forthright and she didn’t want to upset you.

You also say “I was already worried about my bridesmaid since some of them were never married, so they may not know what to do to help.” I’m sorry but your attitude here comes off as a bit condescending. Maybe she has picked up on that?


Post # 5
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Take it from someone who has planned multiple bachelorette party. It doesn’t not take three months to plan.

The toughest part of it is getting everyone to pick a time and a date. If I were you I tell her to inform the other bms and let them work together on planning the party. 

I also think you need to chill out, it sounds like you mirco managed the whole thing, and honestly you should have approached it different. Tell your friends hey I really like a balchorette, T can’t do it anymore will you guys plan anything? Rather then picking one person and putting her on the spot. I also think you should be thankful she didn’t just drop the ball completely, or waited until the week before hand and backed out.

Is Sil your MOH? I would just let her host, I think showers are much harder. Bachlorettes are easy peasy in comparison since there aren’t nearly as big, and don’t need a lot of decor and other stuff.

Now that you vented, get it all out of your system, then take a deep breath and let it go!

Post # 6
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@katkat123:  Your bachelorette party idea is a trip involving visas?  Well, that might be your clue as to why people are less than enthusiastic.

Post # 7
13 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would suggest you move on. Think about it this way, you have less to worry about

Post # 9
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

how is 3 months before a trip last minute? that’s more time than you have to give to quit a job, lease, etc all things much more important than a bachelorette. 

i fail to see the problem. your bachelorette required visas, and going out of the country – already that’s a lot to ask of someone. and she might not have realised the full extent of what the visa would cost entail. 

it sounds like she told you as soon as possible, passed the prep off to someone capable and you’re still having the party. i don’t think you have any reason to be upset with her, and you said completely unreasonable. 

Post # 10
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@HannahGrace:  I actually think what that meant is bridemaid has to save for a visa for her husband.

Post # 11
64 posts
Worker bee

I think it was unfair that you asked her in the first place. You shouldn’t ask someone to throw you a party. If someone offers then awesome, but don’t put someone in a situation where it is uncomfortable for them to say no.

Post # 12
6101 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry that she as well as some other girls can’t make it but that’s the risk you take when you plan some big to-do. I don’t know why brides now think they need some big huge thing for an entire weekend that will costs hundreds of dollars. I can’t make it to my friend’s bachelorette party (and I’m a BM) because it would cost me at least $600 (flight plus hotel for the weekend) and we’re trying to buy a house. You get one damn night people!! Unless you have a situation that doesn’t cost people a lot of money (I had mine at a free beach house that only required a 2 hour drive and split food costs)

Post # 13
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@j_jaye:  +1

@TwoCityBride:  +1

@katkat123:  I get that your upset, but your BM had a valid reason for backing out. You yourself admitted that.

A Bachelorette Party doesn’t need 3 months for planning. If you’re doing a big trip then yes, it might need more time. . . but don’t be surprised or hurt when people can’t afford to go – BMs included. See about having your MOH plan something, but don’t get upset if it turns out to be something closer to home. It’s nice for the person planning to take your thoughts into consideration, but sometimes it just isn’t possible.

And I agree with the PP who said you shouldn’t have asked her to plan it for you. If she had offered that would be one thing, but you should always do your best to avoid situations where someone may feel uncomfortable saying no – which is what this situation sounds like.

Post # 14
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@HannahGrace:  I don’t think the bachelorette requires visas, I think the BM planning it needs to save her money for her husband’s visa rather than spending it on the party.

Post # 15
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I planned my own bachelorette and all my bridesmaids were not there. It’s only December and your wedding is May. When is this bachelorette? I think you need to lower your expectations and get over this. As long as she is there for your wedding I wouldn’t complain.

Post # 16
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ValerieBee03:  I think you are right….the post was hard to follow. in any case, sounds like the OP is still getting a party, so hopefully she can move past this.

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