Bridesmaid being M.I.A

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Just say ok and give the address. I’m sure the other Bridesmaids will say something. You can’t change the past. Just give the info and move forward. 

 

Post # 3
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

s323:  You pass on her message and give her the address or you pass on the contact details of the host so she can get in contact with them.

Your BM isn’t MIA because she isn’t obligated to do any of the things that you have mentioned. Her obligation is to get the dress and be there on the day of. BM’s should be the people closest to you and who you cannot see yourself standing up there getting married without and not the people who will do the most things for you.

Post # 4
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

you can always relieve her of her position in your party

Post # 5
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Unless you want to kick her out of the wedding party, I would just pass along her RSVP and send her the address. One of my bridesmaids is notorious for being flaky and going MIA, and I asked her to be my bridesmaid knowing full well that she would probably be the same way when it comes to being a bridesmaid. It sucks that she isn’t always included in wedding things (not because she’s not invited, but because she doesn’t respond to my texts), but that’s the way she is and I can’t change her– I just have to move forward with planning my wedding. 

 

I’m sorry that your bridesmaid has been so uninvolved. Based on what you said about her (not that I can make a real judgement about someone based on a few sentences), it sounds like she wants to be involved but is probably just someone who is kind of flaky. If she really didn’t care, she wouldn’t attend your shower or ask to help at all, even though she asked when it was too late. If I were you, I would just let it go and lower your expectations of what she will do as your bridesmaid. As long as she has her dress and shows up to your wedding, I would be happy with that. 

Post # 6
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

s323:  I agree with j_jaye that BMs *strictly* don’t need to do anything except show up, and you can’t expect her to ask to help with the wedding. (Some girls are more into weddings than others, and some are busier than others).

Having said that, I agree it is a bit disappointing that she’s left shower planning to the other girls. But since she texted you, I assume she doesn’t really know the other BMs, or at least the MOH? That could be part of the problem: that she’s not comfortable doing things with girls she barely knows.

So what would I do? Give her the MOH’s address, and move on.

Post # 8
Member
2519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

s323:  eh IDK She probably assumes if you needed help you would ask

I have amazing friends who are all very excited for me but not one of them has been randomly texting me ‘ hey do you need help?’

When I did ask if they wanted to help with some stuff they were happy too ( crafty type things). I really wouldn’t hold it against her

As far as the shower invite- let it go. At least she is RSVP-ing!!!! Your wedding is not as important to them ( or anyone else) as it is for you.

 

Post # 9
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

s323:  Just because she has spoken with your MOH “several times” doesn’t mean she really knows her.  Maybe she feels shy asking these other BM if they need help.  Some people just also don’t always ask others if they need help – I’m one of those people.

My friend and FSIL is getting married early next month and I think I asked her once if she needed help with anything.  I realized this only because she came up to me and asked if I could help her with some things – that’s when I realized I haven’t been asking – I just assumed she had everything under control.

Is this girl in a relationship?  I know when I’ve been a BM and not in a relationship, it just made me just more aware of my own situation, and it was hard for me to get involved in someone else’s wedding.

Post # 10
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask someone to help with their wedding.. Because I wouldn’t want to help them with menial tasks. Same reason I don’t ask people who are moving if I can help them out, I’d rather die..

Unfortunately your wedding is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.

Post # 12
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Just saying what I would do….If it were someone I loved and really wanted to be there on my wedding day, I would just stop asking her to do things at all, stop expecting her to put any effort in, and just deal with her for bare basics stuff, like dress fittings and rehearsal dinner and such. You can’t force her to be a good bridesmaid, just hopefully she can actually be serious enough to show up and be punctual on your wedding day without causing drama.

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