Post # 1
Bridesmaid lives in same city and has literally never asked if I needed help with anything. She has not helped the other brides maids plan the shower which is this week. I love her and she is such a wonderful person but it just seems as if she could care less about anything.. Days can go by before I get a response from a text message. She has been on emails with other bridesmaids and sometimes she will respond. She just barely reached out to my MOH last week asking if they needed anything for the shower. My MOH told her no BC everything is already done since it’s like 4 days away.
This is what threw me over the edge today. I get this text for the MIA BM.
” I know this is totally lame but I misplaced your shower invite. Can you please let ****** know I will be in attendance? And also pass along her address? Tyyyy!”
How do I respond to this? Help.
Post # 2
Just say ok and give the address. I’m sure the other Bridesmaids will say something. You can’t change the past. Just give the info and move forward.
Post # 3
s323: You pass on her message and give her the address or you pass on the contact details of the host so she can get in contact with them.
Your BM isn’t MIA because she isn’t obligated to do any of the things that you have mentioned. Her obligation is to get the dress and be there on the day of. BM’s should be the people closest to you and who you cannot see yourself standing up there getting married without and not the people who will do the most things for you.
Post # 4
you can always relieve her of her position in your party
Post # 5
Unless you want to kick her out of the wedding party, I would just pass along her RSVP and send her the address. One of my bridesmaids is notorious for being flaky and going MIA, and I asked her to be my bridesmaid knowing full well that she would probably be the same way when it comes to being a bridesmaid. It sucks that she isn’t always included in wedding things (not because she’s not invited, but because she doesn’t respond to my texts), but that’s the way she is and I can’t change her– I just have to move forward with planning my wedding.
I’m sorry that your bridesmaid has been so uninvolved. Based on what you said about her (not that I can make a real judgement about someone based on a few sentences), it sounds like she wants to be involved but is probably just someone who is kind of flaky. If she really didn’t care, she wouldn’t attend your shower or ask to help at all, even though she asked when it was too late. If I were you, I would just let it go and lower your expectations of what she will do as your bridesmaid. As long as she has her dress and shows up to your wedding, I would be happy with that.
Post # 6
s323: I agree with j_jaye that BMs *strictly* don’t need to do anything except show up, and you can’t expect her to ask to help with the wedding. (Some girls are more into weddings than others, and some are busier than others).
Having said that, I agree it is a bit disappointing that she’s left shower planning to the other girls. But since she texted you, I assume she doesn’t really know the other BMs, or at least the MOH? That could be part of the problem: that she’s not comfortable doing things with girls she barely knows.
So what would I do? Give her the MOH’s address, and move on.
Post # 7
aussiemum1248: I wish it was the case that she doesn’t really know the other BM’s but she knows my sister and has spoken and met with my MOH plenty of times. She is basically my other BFF and I don’t expect anyone to help out with our wedding it would just be nice if she would at least ask if I needed any help or hey how r plans coming along? I couldn’t imagine getting married without her by me I guess its just so disappointing that he whole attitude has been like what other bees have said “flaky”.
I just feel when you agree to be a BM to your BFF’s wedding you would be a little involved. I practically had to stalk her to go get her measurement’s taken and it pushed back everyone else getting their dress by 3 weeks. She could at least RSVP to the shower by contacting the other bridesmaids that she has all theirs emails and fb’s and my MOH number.
Sorry just feeling a bit annoyed. But I understand everyone’s opinion.
Post # 8
s323: eh IDK She probably assumes if you needed help you would ask
I have amazing friends who are all very excited for me but not one of them has been randomly texting me ‘ hey do you need help?’
When I did ask if they wanted to help with some stuff they were happy too ( crafty type things). I really wouldn’t hold it against her
As far as the shower invite- let it go. At least she is RSVP-ing!!!! Your wedding is not as important to them ( or anyone else) as it is for you.
Post # 9
s323: Just because she has spoken with your MOH “several times” doesn’t mean she really knows her. Maybe she feels shy asking these other BM if they need help. Some people just also don’t always ask others if they need help – I’m one of those people.
My friend and FSIL is getting married early next month and I think I asked her once if she needed help with anything. I realized this only because she came up to me and asked if I could help her with some things – that’s when I realized I haven’t been asking – I just assumed she had everything under control.
Is this girl in a relationship? I know when I’ve been a BM and not in a relationship, it just made me just more aware of my own situation, and it was hard for me to get involved in someone else’s wedding.
Post # 10
It wouldn’t occur to me to ask someone to help with their wedding.. Because I wouldn’t want to help them with menial tasks. Same reason I don’t ask people who are moving if I can help them out, I’d rather die..
Unfortunately your wedding is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to you.
Post # 11
I have other friends who aren’t even in the wedding and coworkers asking how is everything going and if i needee help with anything.To me someone who I consider a really close friend wouldn’t act this way. Take out the part of me getting married and her being my BM, she could be a little bit more supportive as a friend in general…and btw I always help my friends move. Nobody likes doing it but if someone needs help I’m there for them.
Just an update. She texted me again reminding me to pass a along the hosts into.. I sent her a pic of the invite and she said thank u.. I have to just let it go and low my expectations.
Post # 12
Just saying what I would do….If it were someone I loved and really wanted to be there on my wedding day, I would just stop asking her to do things at all, stop expecting her to put any effort in, and just deal with her for bare basics stuff, like dress fittings and rehearsal dinner and such. You can’t force her to be a good bridesmaid, just hopefully she can actually be serious enough to show up and be punctual on your wedding day without causing drama.