(Closed) Bridesmaid blew off trying on dresses

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

For the sake of honesty, I agree with her that comparing a child’s birth and dress shopping was a little strange.  She didn’t miss YOUR WEDDING, she missed what is a relatively small (in the grand scheme of things) event that you had wanted her to be there for.

I don’t think it’s right for people to blow each other off, so I’m not condoning her actions.  It sounds to me like you had a bone to pick with her outside of this one day, based on your comments about life choices and your view regarding her negativity.

I think a sit down talk in order and I’d leave it off of email.  Could you offer to meet her for coffee and straighten this out once you’ve cooled off?

 

Post # 4
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I understand why you are upset because it was important to you but I am having a hard time understanding the friendship since it kinda seemed like you were putting her life down in comparison to your life choices, which is really harsh for someone that is suppose to be your friend. Maybe she is noticing your judgement of her and is starting to feel a little uncomfortable….

I am not trying to sound harsh to you – I just am one of those people (who was on birth control mind you) who got pregnant during university. it was a big surprise to my husband (then fiance) and I at the time. mind you I continued to go to school. i was back two weeks after my emergency c section and am finishing off my second degree this year. It is very difficult when big changes like that happen though and you arentready for them.

I hope you dont lose such a long friendship over this incident. weddings sure can be stressfull can’t they. it is so difficult to get all the little things together, and there are so many little things. Good luck with everything and congratulations- your wedding is getting closer!!

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think writing off the relationship because she couldn’t make it to the dress outing is a little extreme.  If this is really about something bigger than a missed dress appointment, then I agree with the previous posters that you should sit down and talk with her.  If this is just about missing choosing bridesmaid dresses, I think you should let it go.  It’s not worth losing a friend over.

Post # 6
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I wouldn’t end the friendship.  She may be a little jealous about how your life-path is, she may be worried about money, she may be stressed about starting a new job and dealing with her SO being laid off.  

Just talk to her…tell her that you feel bad for reacting recklessly as you said.  Just be honest.  She may feel embarrassed that she can not afford a dress.  You may have given her a few months/weeks notice, but stuff happens in life.  Her situation be way worse than she is letting on to you.

I know a few years back when I was in a wedding, I knew the wedding was coming up, but stuff happened in my family were things were tight, I didn’t let on to anyone, not even a cousin who was a bridesmaid with me in our mutual friends wedding.  When said cousin was demanding $100 for my contribution for a “lets get to know the bridesmaid party” with the brides & grooms family (ya…i never heard of this before).  i told my cousin that I do not have this extra $100 for a cake and we ended up getting into a huge fight, I had to borrow the money from my grandmother. I ended up getting so mad at my cousin for dropping this on me that I refused to go to the party and ignored all the phone calls from the bride and everyone else at the party.  Eventually I came clean with the bride about everything and she totally understood, she just wished I had explained everything sooner.  The good thing…we are still friends and she will be helping me pick out a wedding dress at her own bridal shop.

 

So sit back, relax, CALL HER, explain without getting mad or upset how you feel.  See if she wants to go with just you to a dress shop.  Give her time to talk to you.

Post # 7
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

Talk to her face to face!!!  Also, admit fault and apologize.  You will feel better in the end and probably save your friendship (if that is what you desire).  Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m going to be honest here. I’m not sure either of you are good friends to each other. I get that you feel like the “giver” in the relationship and that you feel like you’re not having the sentiment/friendship reciprocated, but sometimes, that’s just the cycle of friendships. We all have times when we are needed vs when WE need. It all balances out. I think if you’re out of patience then you should walk away. All of us feel at some point that we give advice (often the same advice) over and over to a friend and we’re just ignored. It happens. She’s a grown up though and has made her own decisions in life. Yes they’re different than your choices and decisions, but they’re hers and you need to respect that.

On the wedding side of things, dress shopping isn’t the most important event in the grand scheme of things. I think you can cut her a bit of slack. Starting a new job is really stressful and given that her BF just lost his job, it sounds like she has a lot riding on her shoulders. Take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture here.

Post # 10
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It seems like you have already made up your mind. When anyone offers advice your response is to tell us what other crappy things she has done and how her life has gone wrong in comparison to yours. If you feel this strongly about her life choices and don’t want to take that time to be her friend anymore then politely ask her to stand down as your bridesmaid. If you want her to still be a bridesmaid and friend then you need to reaccess the way you examine her life and her problems or not be her friend at all. I had a group  of friends that started to get into drugs and I became very uncomfortable around them. I removed myself from that friendship rather than stay friends and constantly judge their life choices. It was there life and none of my business. Her choices may not be your cup of tea but its her life and definitely your choice if you want to continue the friendship.

Post # 11
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with Shelbs..looks like you have already made your decision about the friendship so no matter what any Bee says….  

If you have exhausted all of your options on extending an olive branch to her, then you need to cut your ties.  

Just remember, you can’t make someone go to therapy if they don’t want you.  You can suggest many things to her, but she is the only one that can actually make it happen.  Everyone reacts to PPD in different ways.  Others get over it in days, weeks, months…some take YEARS.

You can just tell her “hey…we are at 2 totally different places in life.  I don’t think that it would be fair to you and myself that you participate in the wedding.  I hope this doesn’t harm our friendship.  Maybe we can catch up when our lives settle down.”  And just slowly remove yourself from the situation.  

 

Post # 13
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Have you thought about purchasing the dress for your friend. No one has to know but the two of you. It sounds like she can’t afford it. It also sounds like you are being a bit of a bridezilla about this. She hasn’t missed your wedding and I agree with your friend. Give her some time. I have friend that sound just like you wrote and quite honestly she doesn’t have many friends because of how she views herself against other people. She thinks she has made good decisions thus her life is perfect and everyone else made bad ones and their lives are less perfect than hers. i think if you two are truly friends you will work it out no matter what.

The topic ‘Bridesmaid blew off trying on dresses’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors