- 4 years ago
I don’t know if I am just getting caught up in the petty and trivial things that can come along with wedding planning, or if I am justified in feeling a little put-off.
My BM called me to let me know that her boyfriend could not attend my wedding, and that she was going to bring a female friend with her instead. I never intended on dictating who my BMs could ever bring. However, she let me know she is bringing a woman whom I’m not very fond of. I’m pretty laid back and open minded, so I have been struggling with this for the past week or so.
I have spent time with this woman in a group setting a couple of times. During those times, she’d recently left her husband (who was a very devoted one, at that) out of nowhere. She left him blindsided, got a job at a risqué establishment and pretty much abandoned their two small children. Her reasoning was just that she no longer wanted to be married, and wanted more independence. She moved in with the BM in question during this transition. Within days of leaving her marriage, she slept with several different men… Including this BMs brother, WITH my BMs young daughter in the home. After several weeks, when she began struggling to support herself, she decided to go home. Her husband eventually took her back. She unexpectedly got pregnant, but her husband is still unaware of what went on in her absence. Based on the timeframe, it’s questionable as to whether or not the baby is even his.
I realized then (and now) that what happens in and out of someone’s marriage is not my business, and stayed entirely out of it. I also realized that I did not want to create a close relationship with this woman, and kept a healthy distance. Nonetheless, I have always been very cordial and respectful to her. I chalked it up to differe priorities, morals and character and left it at that. I never felt the need to convey my my opinion of this woman to my BM, which is why I suppose she thought this would all be okay.
Having said that, I really am a little anxious with the idea of her at my wedding. She would be with us day, even getting ready with all of us. The more envision the day with her there, the more I don’t want her there. I’m sure this woman has many great qualities. However, I don’t think the appropriate place to try to get to know her better should be my wedding. I have expressed my concerns lightly to my BM. She got a little defensive, and I didn’t want to create a rift by pushing the issue and told her we’d discuss it later. I then tried to have one other BM bring it up to her and suggest bringing someone else, which she also was not receptive to. This BM argues that she does not want to drive down alone, stay the evening in the hotel alone, etc. And, that this is someone (other than me) who she feels most comfortable with. I don’t want her to have to do those things alone, either.
I can tolerate this woman being at my wedding. Yes. Should I, though? Or, do I put my foot down and make it clear that I want my BM to bring someone else?
I feel like I’m being irrational… So, please bees, give me some insight on what you guys would do in this situation.