Post # 1
So I decided not to have a maid of honor. I have my 5 best friends as bridesmaids and couldn’t bring myself to picking one to give the maid of honor title to. I know that if I picked one, others feelings would have gotten hurt and I wasn’t ready to deal with that drama.
I have one bridesmaid who I have been friends with since 2nd grade. None of my fiances friends like her and she isn’t allowed to social events, bbqs, etc because she used to date his best man (very briefly) and cannot get along with the group. She isn’t friends with any of my other bridesmaids and barely makes an effort. When we went bridesmaid dress shopping she even asked if her boyfriend could come along (WTF?!) to which I said sorry but no. She literally drank 12 glasses of champagne at brunch before we went to try on dresses. Later on in the day she asked if she could give a speech at my wedding. I told her yes of course because I didn’t know what to say. Since she was so drunk I’m not sure if she remembers? What should I do? I don’t know how to tell her she can’t drink beforehand at my wedding and don’t want to have to worry about her ruining anything at my wedding since she has no filter and likes to bring the attention back to her.
Also, 3 months before I asked her to be my bridesmaid I was on a trip with her her family in hawaii where we got in a HUGE flight and I left days early. On my bachelorette party she brought up the Hawaii fight to one of our other childhood friends and was making up lies and blaming everything on me and told her that it was weird I asked her out of the blue to be in my wedding. The truth is I have been friends with her for 16 years how could I not have her there? My other friend knows shes a pathological liar so she just told me later trying to be a good friend.
What do you think? Should I let her give a speech? After our big fight I thought for months about if I was even going to have her be in the wedding and decided I would be sad if she wasn’t there even though we have grown apart.
Post # 3
it was weird I asked her out of the blue to be in my wedding
if she thought it was so weird, she should have declined. but since she didn’t. you can either say no speech or ask her to not start drinking until after she has given a speech.
Post # 4
Were you planning on having speeches from anyone in the bridal party? If you aren’t having a best man speech, then just say you’ve decided not to have speeches from anyone in the bridal party. I also couldn’t decide on a MOH and truthfully, I’m not usually a big fan of speeches at the wedding. We’ll just have a quick welcome speech from my FFIL and maybe my mother. You could also have her do a speech at the rehearsal dinner instead, although I don’t think you should feel any pressure at all, and I’d actually try to avoid her talking since it sounds like she could be unpredictable even without alcohol.
Post # 5
I’m not sure you can control when a person drinks… I would be concerned with her drinking despite you asking her to wait until after the speeches. I know a person in my life who would drink despite my requests just because they are in denial that they can’t control it; they would end up being a complete crying depressed mess.
I’ve read so many horror stories about people with similar personality to your friend, and they just really make the day about themselves in one way or another. If she doesn’t fumble with the speech, she may do so elsewhere, especially if she can’t handle her alcohol.
Then again, she may surprise you and be a saint on your big day. Can you talk to her and mention your concerns? If she cares and isn’t in denial about her excessive drinking, she may just take your concerns for real and try to make you happy.
I suspect that you are trying to hold on to a friendship that is already dwindling though, and the favours and nice things you guys do together before your wedding will not be reciprocated if she gets married. The point isn’t to expect the same in return, but having her as a bridesmaid is already a big honour, and it seems she’s just getting it out of seniority rather than true relationship status. I’d really consider all facets of this wedding and your relationship with her, before bestowing priveledges that you are already questioning.
I hope for the best though, and always hope that friendships will last! Best~