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That does sound expensive. I would be the better person and apologize (even though your not at fault). Something like "I really had no idea It was that much and I'm sorry. I really wanted you to be a part of the wedding bc you mean so much to me, but if it's too costly I can understand your frustrations."
sometimes just saying that you understand, eases their pain. And honestly, she might be a tad jealous.
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It sounds like she's under some stress too -- it's really hard when your car is broken, so she's probably worried about that financial liability, plus any tuition deadlines that might be looming. I'm not making excuses for her, but I'm trying to understand where she's coming from.
I agree that it's tacky for someone to start itemizing the cost of being in your wedding - it's happened to me, and I want to haul out a list of itemizations that I have to take care of! I don't do it ... but that's what I WANT to do.
I think it's important for you to let her know that you can tell she's stressed out. Reiterate that she can wear a great pair of shoes that she already owns - and if it's really difficult for her to get to the shower, give her an out. Hopefully, she'll still come, but maybe having that weight lifted off her shoulders will help her stress levels out. Do not mention dollar amounts.
Good luck - trust me, I know the stress that you're dealing with right now.
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I don't think $400-$500 is that much considering you have already paid for her dress and offered to pay for half of her accomodation costs. Not to mention the fact that she has had more than a year to prepare.
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand where she's coming from. I have been in too many weddings to count and money has almost always been a source of stress, but it would have been in poor taste and friendship to complain to the bride (my friend) about it.
Right or wrong, the best advice is to simply apologize and tell her you understand, while thanking her for being a part of such an important event in your life. Hopefully this will send her the message to stop complaining about this to you. I mean that's what the rest of your friends and bridal party is for. :)
Seriously though. After that, don't worry about it. You have enough to worry and stress of your own.
Good luck!
$400-$500 is not a bad amount if that includes a car rental! To me that's actually pretty reasonable considering you already paid for the dress, hair, makeup and HALF the accomodations...that's like bridesmaid paradise!
Some people are just thoughtless and tackless...and weddings bring the worst and best in people...so your happiness might be her mid-life crisis...WHY not me! why not my wedding! where's my life going???...
many "good friends" go completely nuts when other friends find happiness.
I say: acknowledge her $ pain...thank care for making the effort...ignore everything else she says.
If she complains to you every other day...it might be her way of asking if she could drop out. Don't keep her if her heart is not in it.
I forgot you offered to pay for her hair and makeup! V is right, that IS a bridesmaid paradise! You sound like a wonderful, understanding friend.
p.s: I'm also wondering why would she and her boyfriend want to share a room w/ another couple that they don't know well enought to ask them on their own?
Thanks-you guys are really the best. It's so great to have a place to vent about things that not many other people can relate to, but we're all going through the same thing!
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I have a bridesmaid who is in college (we're 30 years old though) so I bought her dress and offered to pay for 1/2 of her accomodation costs and hair and makeup. She wrote me an e-mail saying is there anyway I can find someone to share a room with her and her boyfriend so they can share the costs. That's fine, except the wedding is in 2 1/2 weeks and most people have their reservations!
the worst part is that she told me with the cost of getting her boyfriend up to the wedding from where he lives, alterations, shoes, cost of getting to shower (her car broke so she is renting one) and shower, it's adding up to $400-$500.
I love her but thought it was to tacky to tell me the amount, and really added to my stress level when I have tried to make things reasonable.
They are allowed to wear whatever shoes they want, and it's really not my problem that it's expensive for her boyfriend to come! The shower will cost about $150 total, and there are 5 bridesmaids paying for it.
I understand that it's expensive, but she has known about this wedding for over a year and I wish she didn't "unload" on me when I have so many things to think about and have paid for so much of her share. Thoughts from the hive?