Bridesmaid contributions

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Erin0608:  put feelings aside, do you have the money to cover the charges? If not, you have a legitimate reason not to participate. Afterall, where’s the money going to come from, right? 

Post # 3
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can always opt out of being  BM, saying you simply can’t afford it.

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Erin0608: I think you should tell them that there’s been a misunderstanding because the bride explicitly advised you against the exact kind of plans you’re being invoiced for. And bring the bride into it. You’re happy to be emotionally supportive and present, but unfortunately compromises must be made. 

Everyone’s an adult and should be accountable for their positions. Bride or no.

Post # 5
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

bitsybee: Although you can’t expect people to chip in for your shower/bach etc, her attitude and behaviour wouldn’t sit well with me either. Presumably if she pleads poverty then she will be understanding if you do the same. I would opt out of participating in the shower and bachelorette, but maybe contribute a nominal sum to each if you want.

Post # 6
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was once a bridesmaid and was sent a $400 invoice from the bride’s sister for the shower, that I neither planned (it was at her mom’s house) nor could attend (I was living abroad). I explained that had I been consulted during the planning I would have told them my budget would not allow the event they were planning, and that I was extremely uncomfortable with it. I let them know that I had shipped a nice gift, and would be happy to provide desert from my mom’s bakery (my mom had offered long before) and luckily, it was graciously accepted though I think the bride’s mom and sister were quite embarassed. If the plans were made without your advice or being asked, there’s no way they can just send you the bill.

Especially in your case, I’d feel just as uncomfortable paying for things I didn’t plan for a bride who acted so selfishly towards you. But, you can be the bigger person and graciously let the MOH know that you wish you’d been consulted on the budget earlier. that you are willing to contribute X, and if that means the plans need to be changed to accommodate it, so be it. Are they going to say you can’t attend if you don’t pay your bill? I doubt it, and if they do, do you really want to go!?

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

cece_intheuk:  agree! I’m not saying OP should expect anyone to chip in for her events. She’s being / been incredibly gracious IMHO. 

Just…don’t make decisions to spend other peoples’ $, a la this other bride / her friend.

Post # 8
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

bitsybee:  Ha sorry, I accidentally tagged you, but yes, definitely agree with you anyway!

Post # 9
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would just love for someone to send me an INVOICE for something like that!  I would laugh my way right out of that wedding party (unless, of course, the bride was unaware).

Post # 10
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Erin0608:  if, given my own wedding costs and the other costs of being a bridesmaid in her wedding, it didn’t work for me to attend her bach party or shower, I would just respond that I was excited (lie) to buy the dress and my ticket out there for the wedding, but I wouldn’t be able to help plan or attend shower or bach party since I was out of state/short on funds.

there will probably be some other unexpected expenses for her wedding, so if you can’t or don’t want to cover all of this, just don’t.  as a bride, I would assume that any bridesmaid who didn’t help plan and attend events also didn’t cover any costs for them.  that’s fine.

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