Weddingbee boards

So my friend needs advice and I told her I was going to submit her story for the hive...

So my friend at work is in the wedding of a girl who she is good friends with.  The bride is having a very elaborate wedding.   My friend does not make a lot of money, she is in social services and just finished her master's degree... so she is already paying on student loans.  My friend has already purchased a $300 bridesmaid dress before alterations for this wedding.  The bride wants to go to LA for her bachelorette party.  Including the flight, my friend is estimating the bachelorette weekend to cost her around $900, considering all of the things on the itinerary.  She also is pitching in for a bridal shower at an expensive 5 star restaurant.

So the question is, can she say something about the extravagant costs considering how little money she has... or just suck it up and find a way to pay?  She's not willing to drop out of the wedding because it's one of her good friends... but she doesn't know if it's good etiquette to bring up costs, even with a good friend.

I'm kind of at a loss for advice, because I've never been in a wedding!  My wedding will be the first wedding I've ever been involved in :)   What do you guys think?

I really do think if you can't afford it then you should opt out of the bachelorette party. I do think that if I were in her shoes, and plunked down an amount of money that I really couldn't afford to attend the festivities, I would be very bitter and it would cause an amount of discomfort between me and the bride. And who wants that? It's completely understandable to not be able to afford a lot of extravagance, especially in this rough economic climate. If I were the bridesmaid, I'd have a heart to heart with the bride saying that I would love more than anything to be there, but don't feel that I can afford it at this moment, and aren't looking for a handout or charity for me to be able to be there (because that would make me feel bad too if someone had to pay my way). Then, I'd find out what restaurant they were eating at or perhaps the room the bride's staying in at the hotel, and send a bottle of champagne to her room/table with a note saying how much I wished I could be there and how I can't wait to see her soon!

I agree that the coworker should be honest.  In an ideal world, the bride would be upfront about how much is expected.  (And IMO it's not appropriate to insist your BMs take you on an extravagent bach weekend.) 

But giving the bride the benefit of the doubt, if expensive afairs are the norm for her (and she has lots of money) perhaps it really didn't occur ot her that $300 was a bit much for a dress, or the other things you mentioned.  If the bride is that good of a friend to your coworker, she should understand that she doesn't ahve this kind of money.

Good luck to her.

Thanks for your advice everyone!  I read her all of your answers and she said she is going to have a talk with her and probably bow out of the bachelorette party.  Penguin, I liked that champagne idea, I would have never thought of that!