Post # 1
My bridesmaids have been giving me a run for my money and honestly they are all pretty relaxed people normally…but that’s a whole different story. One problem in particular I can’t figure out how to handle, so I come to you all for advice. (Thank you in advance!)
So, my FI and I have spoken at great lengths about who should be allowed to bring dates and who should not. Basically we don’t want our friends to just bring any old random person because we know some will. So, simply put we just decided who can and who can’t- whatevs, we know our guests! With that said- we are allowing the participants in the wedding to have an invite because it’s the “right thing to do”. My dear friend/bridesmaid who I love and trust has been seeing this gentleman for since the fall. To put it bluntly he is nothing but bad news. He’s a drug addict that consistently needs attention. I have met him once – the night he was hitting on me and I pointed him in her direction. I didn’t know he had issues… I just knew I was taken.
Bottom line- I know she is angling to invite him and while I told her I don’t want him there- she is trying. Basically, I don’t want to deal with any drama this character is sure to bring. She knows how I feel about him and whenever we speak she assures me the “relationship” is over. Although she called me last night and put him on the phone… so clearly it’s not over. How do I handle this one?!? Because I’m close to not putting +1 on her invite to avoid any and all drama.
Post # 3
If you give all the other wedding party a +1, you really should give her one.
Post # 4
I don’t understand your post. Your BM wants to bring a guy that you don’t like… but is she dating him or not?
Post # 5
If you’re giving everyone else in the wedding party a +1, then you should allow her a +1 too. You can control the amount of people who come to your wedding, but once you give out a +1, you can’t dictate WHO that person brings. Sorry!
Post # 6
“we are allowing the participants in the wedding to have an invite because it’s the “right thing to do”
Post # 7
Either you give them all +1s or none, since you aren’t approving the dates of the rest of your wedding party, it would be unfair to you if you did to this bridesmaid. The only thing you could do is talk to her about why you don’t want him there.
Post # 8
Well, I’d let her have the +1. You’ve made your feelings clear about her desired date, now it’s up to her. If he shows, I promise he won’t ruin your day. Just in case, you can ask a few trusted burly friends to keep an eye on him to make sure he stays in line.
Post # 9
If all the other members of your bridal party are getting plus ones I don’t think it would be fair not to give her one, and personally I think you should just let her bring her boyfriend.
Post # 10
Either you give none of the bridal party +1s or you allow them all to have one. Simple as that. It’s not fair to judge who you think is acceptable to be in other people’s lives. How would you feel if someone didn’t like the man you chose to associate yourself with and because of that they ousted him from invites? Not very fair… I know it would make me really feel crumby if I was in your BMs shoes. I bet in any case you’ll hardly even notice he is there because you’ll be way too busy and caught up in the moment. This is probably one of those things you should try not to stress over considering there will be a whole lot of other bigger things to worry about 🙂
Post # 11
Let her take whoever she wants. It’s your choice whether or not to give people a +1 and since you are giving your bridal party a +1, then they should be allowed to take anyone they wish.
Post # 12
Thanks for all your input but I want to clarify – the guy is a DRUG addict! He does cocaine all day and all night… She is not dating him exclusively… when it’s convenient for him to show up on her doorstep. (They have never been on a “real date” if you catch my drift…) She’s not even like this.. she’s sober as sober comes. So it’s blowing my mind (no pun intended) that she is trying to save this kid… I’m just nervous that it’s going to become an issue that I will have to deal with. I’m not comfortable with that. I don’t want there to be trouble. She will cater to him. I’m fine with her doing her thing, but when it comes to messing with my day— it becomes an issue. It’s not me being a snarky bride and not allowing my friend not to invite someone because I don’t like him (I am not that type of girl what-so-ever)— I just honestly have a bad feeling about him.
P.S. Our bridal party is very small… 3 people each side- all family members or significant others of those- except for her.
Post # 13
On one hand, I am usually the first person to say that what you do for one you do for all and it’s not your say on who people are dating. However, I understand that this is a difficult situation. FSIL was dating a guy last year who was bad news. Total deadbeat. I think they were breaking up and making up every month. If she was still with him for some reason by the time of the wedding, FI was going to put his foot down and not allow her to bring him.
Post # 14
She is not dating him exclusively… when it’s convenient for him to show up on her doorstep. (They have never been on a “real date” if you catch my drift…)
If that is the case, chances are he won’t want to be there. But I would still give her a +1 and just hope he doesn’t show.
Post # 15
@MissHelen: I agree. and I like the ‘burly friends’ bit
Post # 16
@nixnux26: Personally I think it’s your wedding and you can still give her a +1 but tell her that you don’t want him there. She can bring any of the other guys she’s seeing but no one with drug problems. I mean seriously for all you know he’ll be doing drugs in the bathroom at your wedding then get you all kicked out of there. I wouldn’t want to deal with it either and I would not allow him to come. If BM is really your friend she’ll understand that it’s your wedding and you don’t want any problems.