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Personally, I think it is your wedding and so you should only have the people you are close to standing with you at the alter.
Perhaps you could include her in the wedding in another way, like maybe have her do a reading during the ceremony?
However, if you think she will be very offended by not being invited to be a bridesmaid, would it be difficult for you to include one more person in the wedding party? Keeping family peace may be worth the extra BP member...
Sorry, I think if you ask one, you should ask the other. This can often be a tricky situation. First, you don't want to start off on the wrong foot with anyone in the family, if you can help it. Secondly, when we get married, we marry into families, for the most part. And as much as people like to say "it's your day", we all know it isn't that simple.
I had a very similar situation - I have two of my own sister-in-laws and two future sister-in-laws. I am extremely close to his sister and not as close to my sister-in-laws or his sister-in-law. I went back and forth if it would be appropriate to include just his sister and not my sister-in-laws who I have known much longer. In the end, I decided not to. I ended up going with my own sister and two friends, which is seemed uncontroversial. However, we are still having his sister do the candle ceremony reading for us (we're doing a civil ceremony), so she still gets a special part in the wedding, and I know she is more than happy with that.
I think if you invite one you need to invite the other...it will be the least controversial. If you think she may have similar feelings, you could always ask her with the caveat "if you would like to particiate in the wedding in some other way, I understand."
It's your wedding and you should do what you want to, but this situation is a tricky one. You said that you are at least civil with the other SIL, do you think having her in your bridal party would maybe help improve the relationship? I'm pretty sure if she is not in your wedding but ther other SIL is, your relationship may change to less than civil.
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My fiance has two brothers that are both married. I am close to one of the wives, and would like to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I am afraid that the other wife may take offense to me excluding her. I have a civil relationship with her, but that is it. What do you ladies suggest?