Post # 1
Hi bees! So here’s the situation and I honestly don’t know if I’m asking too much. I’m buying my BMs dresses. I’m asking they get a specific length and color from David’s Bridal, and they can pick whichever dress they like that meets those 2 criteria. I would like us all to go together. One of my BMs, my sister, is making every excuse in the book not to go. It is an hour and a half drive from her house. I’ve offered to pay her gas, but she clearly just doesn’t want to take the time out of her day. Which I may be a little sensitive to cause it is her MO to do as little as possible for other people if it inconveniences her in any way.
I have 2 other BMs who live less than 5 minutes from her. They are willing to drive her here, but she “wants to take her own car.” Anyway, I wanted us all to go because I thought it would be fun and it would be nice to see how this plays out. Like what if most of them pick the same dress? Is the one person with a different dress comfortable with that? Or would they rather get the same dress as everyone else? Really though, those are just what ifs. I just thought it would be a lot of fun to do this all together..do I need to just let it go and tell her to go and do it at her leisure and let me know so I can pay for her dress when she decides to get one? What does etiquette dictate?
Post # 2
scarlettbegonias87: Clearly your sister and you don’t share the same definition of fun.
Include your sister in emails, texts- however you are making arrangements for the shopping expedition. If se doesn’t show up, the other BM’s get first dibs on the style of their choice. After they have made their choices, let your sister know which dresses are off limits for her, and then drop it. Tell her to send you the receipt when she has purchased her dress and you wil reimburse her.
Post # 3
How many bridesmaids do you have? If your sister and two bridesmaids live in the same city, can you go to a David’s Bridal near them?
Post # 4
scarlettbegonias87: I can’t comment on your sister’s other behaviour, but 3 hours car pooling with 2 of my sister’s friends isn’t my idea of fun. So I’d drop that suggestion. And some people don’t like group shopping trips in general.
You can’t force her to go, but since you’re buying the dresses, you do control what happens. I suggest you tell her the shopping trip is on X date, and if she doesn’t want to go, she’ll need to tell you what she wants by a certain date, or you’ll pick one yourself. (And since you’re buying, you’ve got right of veto over anything she suggests).
p.s. As for etiquette – if you’re paying, you choose. In fact I think etiquette says the bride chooses even if she’s not paying. But in my opinion she’s not obliged by etiquette to go on a shopping trip to help pick the dresses.