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So tell me if I'm crazy on this one...FI and I are both in the bridal party for a wedding in October. We received our invitation in the mail (we live together) and the outside envelope was only adressed to him. Weird, I thought. Anywho- so I open up the envelope and our actual invitation says "Ryan and Guest". I flipped out! I couldn't believe that a) as an engaged couple (that lives together) I wasn't added on the invite and b) I'm in the wedding!!! Am I going crazy on this or would you be upset too? I'd love to hear some opinions on this one!
I'm thinking our wedding gift could be an Emily Post book...thoughts?
Sounds like a clerical error or something.
For instance- I forgot to put my parents on the seating chart! Obviously they were coming, I just so took it for granted that I forgot about them.
Also- perhaps the person addressing the envelopes didn't know all the guests and didn't realize?
Um, WHAT? I would DEFINITELY bring it up to the bride. Ask her if she intends to list you as "Guest" on the program. ;)
burned, totally! you could mark the reply card as such. Mr<span style="text-decoration: underline;">. Ryan and Guest and see if they notice.
That's weird, but I wouldn't go crazy about it - you ARE in the wedding party, after-all! I'd mention it to the bride - in an almost joking fashion to see what she says. It's an obvious goof - and I can't imagine it was intended as a stub of ANY fashion.
That's really weird, I'd talk to the bride, hopefully it was just a mistake that they didn't catch.
Agree... Hopefully this was a clarical error. I would definaly ask the bride about it. But i'd find a tacktful kind of joknig way to ask about it. Maybe start by asking hwo she managed to get everything accomplished. Maybe ask if she had help with things like addressing their invites. Just that alone may clarify what happened. If she had people help who didn't know the situation.
Well ... I sent out invites just as one of fiances cousins got engaged .. so they got theirs and it said __(and guest)__ for the fiance. Ooops. Wait. You're the bridesmaid and they sent the invite to your fiance?
For those of you wanting additional info...I'd like to add that I've hung out w/the bride MAYBE 3 times. I just moved to Nashville (where the wedding is) earlier this year, and she asked me to be a BM. She wanted 8 BM, no questions asked. Problem? She didn't have 8 friends. Current situation? None of the BMs like her. So this isn't like my best friend that just made a goof on her invites. This girl only cares about herself and numbers. Lesson learned: FI and I both agree wel'l talk it out together before readily accepting another bridal party invitation.
Accidental error or not, this is a definite reminder to triple-check everything, because feelings can get hurt over stuff like this.
Last year, my (first) cousin got married and we all got our invites in the mail. My sister's was addressed to Katherine. My sister's name is Katie, it's the name on her birth certificate and the name everyone has always called her. Even if he was unsure, a two-second phone call to my mom would have confirmed it. He blamed the bride and her family (they did the invites) but my sister definitely felt badly about it.
I'm willing to be it was a definitely unintentional error. Did she have someone else do the calligraphy on her invites? It could be that the file was just missing you since she obviously knows you're coming! I'd give her the benefit of the doubt on this one :-)
Is she super-involved in the wedding? It sounds like the kind of mistake that would happen if she handed the guest list off to her parents to address or something... which is way more common outside of the Weddingbee world. I wouldn't worry about it, although some joking about it would certainly be acceptable.
Ew I'd be so annoyed. Then again, I probably would have politely declined to be a bridesmaid for a self-centered girl I had only met three times. You are clearly much nicer than I am!
Not sure about your FI + guest thing, but I was MOH in a wedding last spring, and was adamant that the bride did not need to send me an invite. She was inviting pretty much everyone she ever knew, so I told her to use it on someone else - I mean I clearly knew I was going to be at the wedding and I knew all the details. Unless someone wants to keep the invite for sentimental reasons, which I didn't, I just don't get it! LOL But that's just me =)
Yeah, sounds like they just quickly turned in a guest list to the invitation company, didn't bother to double check everything because obviously they know your name no matter how little you know the bride. My list right now has a lot of "And Guests" for people who I know are dating or married, I just don' tknow the names offhand. I have it this way just so we know how many are coming.
But I totally intend to address these "and guests" by name - I think it would be incredably rude not to. And actually, you are supposed to find out the name of the potential wedding date for single people being invited with a plus-1 anyway in order to be polite and prevent them from bringing "just anyone".
i really wouldn't get bent out of shape about this. it certainly sounds like just an error.... that's almost the only possibility. (was there a calligrapher? did someone else write the addresses?) obviously they know who you are, and obviously they know that you will be there, right?
meanwhile: you write "none of the bridesmaids likes her." does that statement include you? if yes -- if you never did like her, and are willing to tell everyone so here on the worldwide web -- well... what would Emily Post say about you agreeing to stand beside her on her wedding day?
even forgetting all about the addressing blunder (or even putting aside any possible evil-witch scheme to insult you via envelope addressing), it sounds like it was a mistake for her to ask you.... and a mistake for you to say yes.
now that you're in the situation, what can you do?
i think you should take the grown-up high road and forget about the address on the envelope. addresses on invitations really are trivial, and should be brushed aside as petty, IMHO.
sleepylittlesailor: Thanks for the advice, but I feel like your assumptions regarding our relationship and situation are not rooted in facts. And a little bit rude. Regardless, thanks for the input. I definitely will think about it next time someone asks me.
Truth be told, I thought she was nice to begin with and saw us becoming closer friends once I moved to the area. I've hung out w/her through visits to Nashville since FI lived here before I moved.
She wrote the addresses. And not only is this an issue of me not being added and we live together/are engaged. I'm a bridesmaid.
Completely weird. I think the proper thing to do (Emily Post style) would have been to send you each a separate invitation, neither with guest. That said, the normal thing to do would have been to put both of your names on the invitation since you are living together and engaged and are both in the wedding party.
Maybe the bride's mother did the invitations and was being old fashioned. My mom didn't want me putting two unmarried people's names on one invitation because she is so old school. Is there a reason she would have put your fiance's name "and guest" as opposed to your name "and guest?" Did she know him first or something?
Wow I would be upset about that. She seems to care more about her numbers instead of who shes really inviting.
Well, see, this happened to me kind of. I listed my friend with "and guest" and then by the time the invites went out, they got engaged. Oops. They didn't live together though.
If you're a bridesmaid I can see how this is a faux pax. Maybe she got some outdated etiquette book or her mom told her to do it all this way so she just did it? I doubt it was personal, really.
I read your 2nd post on the issue... she sounds like a fruitloop.
lol so is she saying she doesn't even know your name even though you're her BM? Seriously... that's rude. I wouldn't even be in the wedding party. She can't respect you enough to know your name & she's all about painting a pretty picture when she really doesn't have any friends.
Your fiance should totally respond that he is bringing someone random as his guest. Then you could call up and say, "Hey, I know I am in your wedding...but am I invited?"
To the PP, I wouldn't make excuses for the bride like that, but it's nice of you to try. ;) If they were supposed to both get their own invitation, why would the OP's FI, who isn't in the party (as far as I know) get an "and guest"? Who did they think he was going to bring, if not his fiancee/THE BRIDESMAID?
In light of the newer information, I'd almost wonder if it was intentional, and passive-aggressive!! But that might be too big a leap. I'd just ask her if it was a mistake, although I would not do it in a confrontational manner.
It wouldn't have been so weird if Ryan hadn't received an invitation . . . maybe you can jokingly ask where yours is so you can bring a different guest!
Sgarrison- Even though from your follow-up posts it seems this was less an honest mistake and more a pattern of carelessness, my advice would be to give her the benefit of the doubt.
My feelings would be hurt too, but if you're annoyed at her, it will take away from your enjoyment of the day.
At the worst, the wedding will be an opportunity for you and your FI to get dressed up, get some nice formal pictures, enjoy a nice dinner, and take a spin around the dance floor with your friends. Don't let this spoil your mood.
I second what Chicklet above says.
Sorry you're upset -- and sorry my honest answer wasn't the honest answer you wanted.
I agree with Chicklet.
And oh my gosh..invitations were the MOST stressful things about wedding planning for me. I am sure I offended someone somehow! So I hope people would give me the benefit of the doubt too.
Just forgive her, forget about it and have fun....and know that we all will probably offend someone in someway during the wedding planning process. It's just the nature of wedding planning!
weird, but I def. wouldn't mention it to the bride. Intentional or not, you should move on. As you plan your own wedding you will see that a million little things happen, and the last thing you will want is for everyone to vent every little thing with you. Be gracious, don't worry about why it happened, and be the best BM you can be!
Chicklet hit on it perfectly.
Something similar happened to me last year - I was in a close friend's wedding last year and my invitation was sent to Miss Jane Smith & Jay. No last name, not even my FI's proper first name. His nickname. I couldn't believe it. She could have just asked me how to spell his last name or something or just looked it up on facebook. Or even asked one of our mutual friends if she was embarassed to ask. Anyway, needless to say, I have been extremely diligent about people's names for our invitations.
I never mentioned it to her.
Well i'm sorry that your invite was sent that way, but to make you feel better, I sent one to a friend. Everyone calls her Manny, so I thought it was short for Amanda, so she recieved both bridal and wedding invites with that as her name. Turns out Manny is short for Emmanuela, or something like that.. go figure. (she's my friend's sister, so I didn't know her too too well.)
Try to not be offended someone else probably wrote them out
I have to say I agree with sleepylittlesailor...
And I know I don't know all the details, but how many times have we all, while planning our weddings, either hurt someone else's feelings (whether intentionally in a bridezilla moment or completely unintentionally) or had our feelings hurt by our families or bridal parties because they have ideas about how we aren't doing things 'correctly'?
I hope you were just ranting when you said that nobody likes her. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, even if you don't think she deserves it, and if you can't do that, you prob shouldn't be her BM (but I see now you are in a sticky situation because your finace is a groomsman...and the huge fact that you already accepted BM duties). So you should give her the benefit of the doubt.
tough love <3
Probably a mistake. I'd laugh about it if I were you. Duh, you're in the wedding party, so you know you're loved! Why freak out?
eh I would forget about it. But I am curious if you will be listed as "guest" on the programs ;)
I've made worse mistakes. Someone must have helped who didn't know who was who. So, by now you have already RSVP's and this is old news. So what happened?
Had I read this more timely I would have suggested to have Ryan RSVP, Ryan and your name.
Come on. It was a mistake.
I say don't cause drama by confronting her. Yes it was rude, and it COULD have been intentional, but you will never know. Even if it was on purpose, she would probably just lie to you and say it was a mistake. Either way... I say just let it be. If I were the bride...I wouldn't want any extra drama distracting me from my big day. She has enough on her plate already. So I say suck it up, and just try not to be so nice in the future if anyone else who you aren't close to asks you to be a BM.
I would have flipped out for a second, too, but it could honestly have been a mistake. I would mention it in casual conversation, and see what they say. It's nothing to make a big fuss about (unless you really think they did it on purpose, and even then it probably isn't worth it), but you can definitely say something about it in passing or the guise of a joke.
silliness. absolute silliness! i almost can't believe it. sounds potentially passive aggressive, or maybe just plain old passive-and-doesn't-care.
were you the only bridesmaid not to get an invite? I was a bridesmaid recently and the other two bridesmaids were relatives of the bride and I guess they didn't get invites because they were family. I remember one of the sisters joking "guess it's a good thing I'm not making you a scrapbook otherwise I'd need that invitation".
he should RSVP that he's bringing his mother as his date, see if they even notice. ;-)
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