(Closed) Bridesmaid didnt order dress and only has till wednesday to do it

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What did she say to you about it?

Post # 4
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Glow girl:  Hey date twin!  I’m in the same predicament!  I actually just text my bm asking if she had any luck on the dress front.  She hasn’t returned any of my text on it, I also offered to help pay for whatever one she chose and such (I just said what color and fabric).  Ugh!

Post # 5
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m curious as to her reasoning. Good call on your FH being the one to call her husband. Maybe that will help. What did he say when your FH said that?

Post # 8
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yea don’t expect an apology. Lol. I wouldn’t give her any important tasks to do for the wedding if she volunteers. She has shown it’s not a priority. Just smile and continue planning. You got your point across.

Post # 9
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I have been quite confused about the whole ‘BM ordering dresses’ posts I see…..I am in no way criticising you at all – Just curious…..

    In the U.K the bride pays for the dresses and orders them and usually takes care of arranging alterations. Had I wanted the BM’s to order their dresses and they hadn’t done so in good time I would just go ahead and order them myself…but of course that would be acceptable here. Is it not acceptable in the States? I see a lot of brides on here getting very upset about a BM’s reluctance to order a dress and I can’t help thinking – why not just tell her “That’s fine I’ll do it” and be relieved that there won’t be any problems. 

    You say in your post that you were happy to help her with the down payment….would it be causing a problem to order it? Or is there some ettiquette for American weddings that I am very clueless about? – I would be interested to hear

     Anyway, I do hope that it gets sorted asap

Post # 10
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

@AJester2:  I agree…. (though I don’t fully understand the ordering dresses situation) the whole changed attitude is not good…and from a FSIL too! I would be hurt. Best thing to do is just try and put it behind you, give her as little as possible to do and hope that she switches back again after the wedding Wink

Post # 12
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

In the US, bridesmaids buy their own dress and accessories, as well as paying for alterations. Watch “say yes to the dress: bridesmaids” . I’m sure a lot of drama is saved if the bride buys the dresses. Sometimes the bride does here if she can afford it, and if I had only 1 or 2 I would, but I have 6 bridesmaids. That would cost more than my dress, shoes, accessories, and hair/makeup plus some.

Post # 13
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If she is being rude, id have your FH talk to his brother. Tell him “look, she really asked because we are all family, but if whats-her-name is not into it, then we can easily deal with it now. Not after programs are printed.”

Post # 15
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

@Glow girl:  The dress is the issue though isn’t it? I apologise for distracting you from dealing with it by asking questions. And I apologise if my following advice is totally wrong due to not understanding the differences between U.K and American BM dress rules!!!

   The way I see it you have several options

  • You can ask her for the sizes/measurements and tell her that you will go and order it yourself, therefore you don’t have to worry if she is doing it or not.
  • You can leave her to order it and hope that she does it and accept that you might find out later that she hasn’t ordered it.
  • Or perhaps you could go with her? perhaps she might be more comfortable with you and you might be more reassured it is going well if you go along?

and moving on from the dress situation –

  • You can cut her out of the wedding party, but be aware that this will very likely sever family ties too and cause a much bigger problem than her not having ordered a dress yet
  • Or you just allow her to continue to be BM but not involve her with any other arrangements. You will no doubt be mad at her (as most brides would be) but you will save your relationship, and in time it will all be forgotten

Post # 16
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Zoe75:  In the US bridesmaids pay for their dresses.  Bu tI agree that the UK system seems much less stressful albeit quite pricey.

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