Bridesmaid didn't show up to Shower

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think it’s respectful of you or your other bridesmaids to hound this girl for money knowing she is out of a job and broke. 

 

 

 

Also, “maybe an apology would have been nice”.

 

You definitely owe her an apology. A big one. This would definitely be a friendship ending move to me (on her part, not yours). You are being a crappy friend.

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@WinterBride1414:  Its not right that she didn’t show up, but I can understand. Obviously this wedding is a financial burden and she is trying to be a good friend by saying yes, I’ll be in the wedding but she is hurting herself more by being in the wedding.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Did this BM agree to help with any of the cost of the shower?  I highly doubt it if she is under that much financial strain.  Not to mention I think it was terribly rude of your other BM to actually expect her to pitch in for a totally un-needed party. 

I think you need to take off your bride hat, and focus on being a better friend right now.  She did not have to come to the shower, she doesn’t have to pay for anything for the shower.  All she has to do is show up in the specified dress on the wedding day.

Post # 6
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jbh13:  WELL SAID!!!  She is a totally crappy friend, and owes the BM a HUGE apology.

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think what she did was wrong. If she was unable to contribute, she should have said so. I think you were decent enough to tell her that she didn’t need to take on being a bridesmaid given her finiancial situation. She decided to do it. She said yes. But she clearly can’t. 

I’m sure that if she had communicated the problem to everyone else, they would have been understanding. She should have helped with set-up or clean-up as her contribution to your shower. There are plenty of things that bridesmaids do that cost nothing but time. I hope she doesn’t go MIA when it’s time for those things.

You’ve been a good friend housing her and driving her around. She needs to show how much she appreciates your friendship by acting like she deserves it. 

Good luck!!

Post # 9
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you need to be far more empathetic to your friend.   I mean your sister tells her to come and pay her share of the funds for the shower?  Give me a break.

Has it occured to you that she feels ashamed and embarassed?  That she is probably struggling with depression?  

Post # 10
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@WinterBride1414:  Did any of your other bridesmaids ask her what her budget was? And you don’t have to air her dirty laundry. She is not required to help out with any wedding related parties. All she is required to do is buy the dress and show up on time. Step up to the plate and apologize to your friend. 

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You and your other bridesmaids owe this poor girl an apology.  She is having a rough time right now and doesn’t need to be made to feel bad about not wasting what little money she has on your unnecessary prewedding parties.  It’s really sad she felt she had to beg her parents for the money to contribute to the shower which caused even more problems in her personal life.

If your other maids wanted to throw you a shower, great, but they know her situation and should have told her not to feel bad about not contributing financially and to just come have a good time.  Someone should have picked her up if she has no transportation herself.

She skipped the shower because she was so damned embarassed about not being able to give money towards it, and you want an apology from her??

Post # 13
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If she wasn’t involved in the planning, she isn’t required to pay. If she was just told to show up, that’s all you can expect from her.

I don’t see why she owes you an apology. Yes, it would have been nice if she was there, but she wasn’t because she’s upset about her personal bearings. It is very, very rude for anyone to corner her and ask for money. I’m assuming you’re not the only one who knows of her situation — It isn’t right to put her on the spot and make her feel badly about not being able to contribute.

I think you need to be her friend first. Yes, you’re a bride, yes, it’s your day, yes, it’s your shower, yes, all attention should be on you, but this is something bigger than a wedding. She is obviously feeling really guilty and is being too hard on herself. You should support her in her time of need. A bridesmaid’s only requirement is to show up on the day of in the specified attire. She was your friend before she was your bridesmaid, so that should take priority.

Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’m shocked that anyone thinks this bridesmaid owes the bride an apology. I would hate to be a friend of yours.

Post # 15
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@WinterBride1414:  See that is where YOU failed as a friend.  It doesn’t matter if she was telling so and so whatever-you KNEW BM had serious financial issues right now, and YOU should have told whomever not to even approach BM with anything pertaining to financial contribution to a shower. 

You really need to apologize. 

Post # 16
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I can understand where she’s coming from, how would anyone feel having to tell every bridesmaid and the bride she’s broke? It’s embarassing and she obviously feels horrible about her situation. I think you knew her situation going into this and should have been prepared no matter what she said that if you really want her in your wedding you might have to cover her costs. That or the possibility that this situation would come up, her not having the money she said she would and not being able to bring herself to say anything.  

I can understand to a point how you and the other bridesmaids feel but this isn’t like she just flaked out on everyone. You knew she was going through a hard time. I’d try and cut her some slack.

I have two bridesmaids who are in similar finanical situations due to their own varied personal reasons. I ended up paying for the BM dress for one (my cousin) and was prepared to for the other. I can see where people could argue with me that it’s not fair to my other BMs, but they are financially together and had the money. They do not know that I paid for one of the dresses. I felt it would have been humiliating to point out that one girl can’t afford a dress. If I have to chip in her share of anything else I will gladly do it. Her being there means a lot to me.

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