Post # 1
I’m having difficulty with two of my bridesmaids. One is sister In law which makes it harder!
everything I suggest and I mean everything has a no or and I don’t like or it’s too much answer.
Firstly all up the bridesmaids are going to cost about $350 in total that’s not what they’re paying either they’re probably going to get away a lot less.
anyway so I organised a nice night together the night before. That’s what we do right? Nooo $50/ each for accomodation and food was too much. And now she’s saying that she won’t even stay there, or be able to attend the rehearsal. Then there’s the make up sent them all quotes for hair and make up which they were happy with so I booked. It’s $150. They can’t afford it and get angry I booked. Then there’s the shoes the dress All complaints! I mean this is stressing me out more than wedding planning! And h2b isn’t impressed with his sister either! help!
keep in mind these are only two of my four. The other two are agreeable
Post # 2
I wouldn’t be willing to spend 350 dollars to be in a wedding. Maybe she’s having issues with the cost of everything? Maybe allow them to do their own hair/makeup or find their own stylists that they’re comfortable with price-wise? That might cut down on some of th issues.
Post # 3
Frustrated85: I’m finding your post a little hard to follow. You say the bridesmaids are “costing” $350. Are you paying for them to be in your wedding? Or do you mean they will be spending $350? What is the $350 going toward – what’s the breakdown of that? And why do you say they will cost $350 and then in the next breath say they will get away with less? If you are requiring them to have their hair and makeup professionally done you should pay for it, otherwise make it an option and they can choose to do their own to save money. I doubt I would want to spend $150 for something I could do myself either. And no, as a bridesmaid I HATE to be told I have to stay with the bride/bridal party the night before the wedding. Give them the option – if they want to chip in and stay, great. If not, great, just be there by 10 to get ready/take pictures (or whenever you need them).
Post # 4
$350 is total cost all up dress shoes make up.
I have asked them to pay for their dress and half hair and make up.
if they don’t wana stay the night before and have a nice girly night with some drinks and laughs and can’t commit to that then how can they commit to being in the wedding?
Post # 5
Frustrated85: I agree with the others, this is definitely hard to follow.
There is nothing wrong with them saying $50/each for a night together is too much – for some people, it is. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with them saying $150 is too much for hair and makeup. I wouldn’t like someone booking an appointment for me – where I have to spend my money – without me agreeing to the price first (and I wouldn’t pay $150 for hair/makeup). Let them do their own hair/makeup. Let them spend the night before your wedding however they’d like. Spending the night before the wedding with BMs isn’t a tradition I’m familiar with anyway.
If you’re spending $350 on your BMs, that doesn’t mean they have to spend the equivalent. It’s your wedding, not theirs, and you’re asking for at least $200 of their money for non-essential things.
Nothing you’ve written – that I’ve been able to follow – makes them sound unreasonable.
Post # 6
Yeah I wouldn’t pay $150 for hair and make-up (I mean I didn’t even when I was the bride!) or want to spend the night before the wedding away from home. If you’re going to require hair and makeup you should really pay for it yourself.
Post # 7
Oh, I just saw your post, so you’re not paying $350, you’re paying half their hair and makeup. Still, you’re asking them to pay $275 to be in your wedding (not counting gifts/showers/time off work/etc.)? For a lot of people, that’s a lot of money!
They don’t need their hair and makeup done and they don’t need to have a girly night. Your FSIL isn’t even friends with you, I gather, so why would you even want her at a slumber party the night before the wedding?
It’s pretty easy to commit to showing up at a wedding in a specific dress. That doesn’t mean they have to agree to a sleepover too. I wouldn’t enjoy that – I like getting to go home to my husband and comfy bed.
Post # 8
Frustrated85: Because a wedding is a one day thing. Some people don’t like to do the girly sleepover thing. I’ve done it once for my BFF’s wedding and while I love her, I hated the sleepover with a bunch of girls who aren’t necessarily MY greatest friends. Plus everyone was exhausted the next day for the wedding. Staying the night before and committing to standing up with you on your wedding day have NOTHING to do with each other. Is the $350 including the $50 accomodations the night before? If not, you’re now asking them to spend $400. If you’re asking them to pay half of the hair and make up then the dress and shoes cost $275. To me, that’s way too much to ask BM’s to spend on an outfit they’ll wear once. Even if you’re including the accomodations in the $350, dress and shoes cost $225 – still very steep.
Post # 9
Frustrated85: “if they don’t wana stay the night before and have a nice girly night with some drinks and laughs and can’t commit to that then how can they commit to being in the wedding? “
I don’t see how not wanting to go to a pajama party equates to being unable to be in your wedding. I think you’re expectations are unrealistic. The bridesmaids don’t have to keep you company the night before if they don’t want to, and to a lot of women, a sleepover with a bunch of other ladies, probably sharing a room, just sounds annoying.
Post # 10
“if they don’t wana stay the night before and have a nice girly night with some drinks and laughs and can’t commit to that then how can they commit to being in the wedding?”<br /><br />Committing to a sleep over and a pillow fight has nothing to do with their duties as bridesmaids and/or friends. I understand you want them to do this, but this is not a part of their responsibilities. This is not a requirement. They do not have to go to/throw/attend/coordinate any sleepover or parties because it isn’t in the job description. This sort of thing just isn’t for some people, and you really only have the option to deal with some people not wanting to do it. They are your friends first, your bridesmaids second. Not everyone is going to drop their entire life just to be in your big pretty party.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t take it personally. Expecting them to be there the night before and whatnot isn’t odd as far as I’m concerned but if they can’t or aren’t interested just take it for what it is – different strokes for different folks – I’m sure at least a couple of them will be and you’ll have a great time.
As PP have said, that’s a lot for hair and make up and it’s really not necessary – especially the make up. Maybe find out what it would cost for hair only and offer to pay for that instead and IF they want.
Post # 12
When they agreed to be in your wedding, maybe they didn’t realize they were also committing to “girl nights” as well.