(Closed) Bridesmaid Dilema… aka DRAMA!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3790 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

If you don’t want them as bridesmaids, which I totally understand, your fiance needs to express this to his family and “take your side” on this matter, even if he’d rather not.  If he wont, or his family continue to insist then you could politely speak to them (again).  Don’t give in lightly.  However, if you still have no luck making yourself clear then think carefully.  Pick you battles, is this really something worth falling out over, especially as all your in laws seem to be on the Future Sister-In-Law side.

Post # 4
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

You are in no way obligated to have these girls in your wedding, so don’t feel that way, at all!  This girl is NOT married to your Future Brother-In-Law.  Even if she were, I don’t believe in putting people in the wedding “just because”.  You don’t know her well, at all.  People in your bridal party should be those who mean a lot to you.  Stick to your guns.  Continue to use the response that you are okay with your three BMs.  If you don’t want these people in your wedding, and I wouldn’t if they were talking about me, don’t let them.  You’ll have to look at them in your wedding photos forever.  Imagine seeing people you don’t care for in pictures of the most important day of your life?  What if they don’t work out with your FBILs?  Then, they’ll just be strangers in the pics.  I hate how everyone thinks they’re entitlted to positions in people’s weddings.

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would just politely restate your wishes (you don’t feel the need for it to be even or traditional in that way, that it is not in your budget). I have a feeling they are just stirring up trouble. I understand your Fiance is not confrontational, but perhaps if it gets bad enough you can all sit down and have a chat about how it is you and your FI’s wedding and ask them to respect the choices you two are making.

By The Way… sounds like those two are a piece of work inviting themselves to be your BM! I would deal with this firmly, right away, so they don’t assume they can run to your FIL’s to have their demands met.

Post # 6
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yikes!  They do sound catty and immature.  I would definitely not include them in your wedding party unless YOU personally want to.  We’re having an uneven wedding party because we only want to include those who we are very close to.  Your wedding party should be filled with people who love and support you, numbers be damned!

I would just tell them that you’re happy with your wedding party the way it is.  Talk to your Fiance and make sure he backs you up.  Good luck!

Post # 7
46256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s your wedding, not hers. Have the attendants who you want standing beside you. Your wedding party is supposed to be comprised of people who support the two of you as a couple. I would not have someone who was trash taling my relationship or me.

 You do not have to have the same number on both sides.

Just tell everyone that you have always pictured yourself with three bridesmaids.

Post # 8
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

And if they break up or get divorced they’re in your pics forever…..Stick with the party you’re happy with

Post # 10
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If you let them have control over this, there will be no stopping them.  You need to have people you really really care about standing up with you, not fillers to make the sides even.  Even sided bridal parties are a thing of the past.  Really what bride and groom have the same amount of close friends and family that they’re equally close to?!  When the couple puts in people to fill up spaces, that’s when you get bridal party drama, because often the fillers aren’t your nearest and dearest.  Politely let them know you’re only having your closest friends/family in your party, and that’s that.  You Fiance needs to get on the same page, too, because if you let them have their way, you’ll be giving them permission to have an opinion about every other decision you make!

Post # 12
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ahhh…they aren’t married yet so they all need to relax. What if they break up now you have a girl(s) who you don’t like who didn”t like u in your wedding photos…who whats that??? But ether way it’s ur wedding and it was rude of her to ask, it’s ur choice not theirs.

Post # 13
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

That stinks but just try to keep in mind this is YOUR WEDDING.

I’m choosing to have a destination wedding with very few guests.  My future Mother-In-Law is super conservative and not thrilled with having to fly out of the country, people are upset they aren’t invited since I’m keeping it extremely small… but at the end of the day, this is MY DAY and only about what my fiance and I want.  

As hard as it is, just try to ignore the opinions… smile sweetly, thank them for their advice, and then do what you want anyways.  If they still continue to try to force opinions on you, remind them that they have or will have their day and that this is just your personal taste.  No two people have the same exact taste/preferences and while you appreciate their help, you prefer to have fewer bridesmaids.  

Good luck and try to stick to your guns!  If you cave and make the wedding about what everyone else wants, YOU won’t be happy.  And this is YOUR day!  🙂

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