Post # 1
I hang with a particular group of girls and so when I got engaged, I knew who I would want beside me. My issue is, back in 2011, I had a friend ask me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor (which I was happy to be). We aren’t particularly close and she didn’t have a lot of friends, so I really strived to make her day the best for her. However, we haven’t really talked since (she is in England now, I am in Canada). Since I got engaged, she has suddenly reappeared on the map.
My dilemma – I feel obligated to include her in the bridal party since I was her Maid/Matron of Honor, however, I don’t want to. Not because of ill feelings, I’m just closer to another group of girls. I get the (very) strong feeling this girl expects to be a bridesmaid. Should I, or should I just go with who I originally intended and let her feelings be hurt (as well as possibly very angry)?
Post # 3
I would say choose who you really want beside you. If you include her just because you feel obligated to, it might end up causing more problems than not asking her. Friendships can change a lot in two years, so if you’re not as close, go with your gut and choyour the girls you really want!
Post # 4
@Coopsie: No. You should never have someone in your Bridal Party because you feel obligated. I have a feeling a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man drama is because you have the obligatory BMs, not the “I want” BMs. If she asked you to be her Maid/Matron of Honor because she expected you to return the favor, then that’s on her.
She could just be wanting to be a part of your wedding process because you did so much for her she feels that she wants to “repay” you. That could explain her sudden reappearence. Don’t worry about it. Is she the type to get upset over things like this? If not, I wouldn’t expect her to be angry.
Post # 6
I say no to being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but you could have her do a reading or something else if you want to include her in some way.
Post # 7
Yeah, I agree…having her do a reading would make her feel included and you can still have who you want as bridesmaids. You shouldn’t feel obligated to have certain people beside you at such an important event. Plus, then you’d probably feel bad for the girl you are closer to that gets ousted in order to include this other girl.
Post # 8
I agree with the pp’s. It’s a crazy expectation to have. You ask who you want to be in your bridal party.
Post # 9
I had a similar situation with a friend of mine who’s wedding I was in. And she would push and push and expect me to ask. I asked her to do a reading. Explained to her that the friendship is different than when I was in her wedding, but I still wanted her to be part of my day.