- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Hi bees! I’ve been lurking on here pretty much since I got engaged last year, but now that serious planning is underway I have a conundrum I could really use some crowdsourcing on. (This post ended up being very long. If you want to skim, jump to the bold “But here’s my problem” paragraph).
We’re planning to have about 100ish guests. Right from the beginning, my FI knew exactly who was going to be in his side of the wedding party. His brother is the best man, and three cousins who he grew up with will be groomsmen.
My MOH was easy (best friend and roomie from college) but figuring out BMs has been driving me crazy. I have no siblings nor any cousins/relatives I’m particularly close to. I don’t really have any close friends besides my MOH. Ever since college, FI and I have also been moving around a ton which has made it really hard to keep in touch with people or meet new people, plus I’m super introverted which makes those things all the more difficult.
I realize I don’t NEED bridesmaids, and I don’t particularly care about the numbers in the bridal party matching up. But given how introverted I am, I’ve been kind of a loner most of my life, and I love the idea of having more people to stand up with my on my special day.
I have a group of about 8 friends from high school I have been in touch with on and off over the years. Originally I wasn’t sure about having any of them as BMs because I didn’t think I was close enough to them anymore. We have an email group we use to keep in touch but I’m usually pretty quite on it (did I mention I’m super introverted?) and I’ve been moving all over the place while they’re all pretty much still in the same area.
But we got together a couple months ago for another friend’s wedding (member of the 8). We had a ton of fun together and they were all really excited about my wedding. One of them has even offered to throw me a bachelorette party! So, now I’m thinking I would really like to have some of them as BMs!
But here’s my problem, I don’t really want 8 bridesmaids! I doubt they all can be one (or want to), but I’d prefer only having 2-3 to keep the wedding party a reasonable size. But I really don’t know how to choose. There are a couple I could see myself asking, but they aren’t that much closer to me than the others. Plus, I feel like all of the 8 are closer to each other than they are to me because they’re all in the same area and are better at keeping in touch than I am.
I’m also worried it could be awkward if I have half of them as bridesmaids and half are just there as guests. Or (worse?) only, say, five are able to make it and three are bridesmaids and the other one/two feel left out.
I figure these are my options:
- Don’t have any bridesmaids.
- Ask all of the 8 as a group and if I end up with a huge wedding party, so be it.
- Ask all of the 8 as a group, but say I only have space for 3 or 4 of them because we’re trying to keep the wedding party small. (FI says I can blame it on him if I want).
- Just ask the 3 or so who I want and stop worrying about the group dynamics (though getting me to stop worrying about something is sometimes impossible 🙁 )
- Ask the advice of one of the members of the 8 who probably has a better feel for the group dynamics than I do (I’d probably ask the one who offered to throw the bachelorette party).
My mom votes for D. FMIL, and best man vote for C and assure me people will understand the constrains of wedding party size. MOH doesn’t know any of the 8 and isn’t really sure what I should do either. FI is ok with whatever–he just wants me to decide already so I can stop worrying about it 😛
I know some other threads/websites suggest having “honorary bridesmaids” or have my non-bridesmaids be ushers, etc, but I don’t particularly like these ideas. Ushering is more of a job, and “honorary bridesmaid” feels very second class, especially since I’m not planning to ask much of my BMs anyway. (They would get to pick their own dresses in my color; I’d invite them all to get ready with me morning of, regardless of BM status; plus me, them and the wedding venue are all in different parts of the country, so there’s not much they could do before the wedding anyway).
I think the issue I keep coming back to is having a group of friends there, and treating some of them differently than others (especially with gifts, etc), when there isn’t a huge difference in how close I am to many of them :-/
So (hoping you made it to the end of this super long post), any advice? We won’t be sending out save-the-dates until the fall, but I figure if I’m going to have BMs I should ask them before then.