- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014
Ok so its a bit of a long one so please bear with me as im torn with whats to do and have many sleepless night with whats right or “right for me” to do…
I was MOH for my friend C 2 years ago, and felt that i had to ask her to be my BM when i got engaged last year… I basically regretted it ever since.
We decided to marry within a year and my sister was my MOH along with a very close old school friend i have known 20 years.
I tried organising a date for my henny that suits all 3 girls, i got told when trying for October C was busy all the month and wasnt free but not to worry about her plans as she didnt need to be there? I told her it would be pretty s**t if my BM wasnt at my henny so arranged for a time in Sept, were marrying in Feb and didnt want to do Dce Jan or Feb for those travelling to be able to afford it. A week after i was told she was “busy” all month i got a text asking if i fancied a night out with her friend in October!?
All the whole time i have had sarcastic comments, our wedding is on a budget, i dont work as we have a small child, and no savings, she spent £12,000 on her wedding and out is just around £4000. We talked about Mexico but got told “not even they could afford there” I would say theres nothing missing from our wedding because we cant afford it, i have just sourced it cheaper. This is just one example of the sarcasism i had faced.
In Sept i didnt realise how cheap abroad holidays were, so i decided spur of the moment to look at an away henny, I found an amazing A/I deal and text the group of girls i wanted to come and gave a break down of the exact price, so folk could work out if they could afford it or not. I understood it wasnt a lot of notice and some folk wouldnt manage and that was fine, C was so enthausiastic to start, i woke up to 5 texts from her, the first wanted my bank details to send the money to secure the booking, then she picked at the hotel, and not to mention the fact for a 3 night break you could “only take 10kg hand luggage”… and that we didnt have the same bills to pay like them… both work on well paid jobs… and then she decided no she wasnt coming after all.
I felt pretty let down and told her so, she couldnt seem to understand why and wheni tried explaining it wasnt about the money, just any eventi invited her to she didnt turn up for whatever reason… house warming, baby shower, head wedding, birthday parties etc over 5 years she hasnt came to one. She was offered a chance at a holiday which missed my daughters first birthday and that didnt bother me, but when she arrived home she said that her friend she met on holiday had told her about a 30th party for the hubby and if she had known about it she wouldnt have gone away… but it was ok to miss my daughters first birthday not the 30th!? We ended up having an arguement and a huge falling out where she was posting back her BM shoes so i emailed her everything the next day just explaining why i felt let down and she agreed she was a pathetic friend and didnt want to loose me…
She has not long moved to my area from a city just outside our town so decided to invite her to a friends ann summers party to meet peoplelets call her G, well little did i know i would soon be ignored for this new friend! Im lucky if i get texts, let alone one word answers back to mine, it was her birthday and all i got was “thanks for my card” no how are you nothing. They both have been meeting each other for lunch and nights out and exercise classes weekly, but all i get is sorry i have plans.
I decided before my henny enough was enough and i just wasnt putting up with it anymore and that i just had to follow my gutt insinct and get rid of her.
She didnt contact me for the week of my henny apart from the night before with a text saying “excited?? x” and that was it… but she could happily contact her new friend G to arrange lifts home… every single person at my henny said you would never have guessed she was there for me let alone a bridesmaid as she didnt even take me on, just sat with G and ignored me until she went home. They even kissed each other in a pub twice because a group of lads encouraged them… WTF.
So after this i said to her that we were still drifting apart and that she needed to make more effort, i know i could probably too but how many times do i need to keep running after someone? she arranged to come for a coffee just before Christmas and just didnt mention my wedding at all.. in the past 12 months i have had no offer of help for the wedding or once asked how my plans are coming along. I made sure i was in contact atleast 2-3 times a week and always asking! I just didnt have the heart to dump her when she came round and decided she could have one last chance, I had already ordered the 2 girls dresses but wanted to see how things went before ordering hers so order that on christmas eve.
I havnt seen her since trying on her dress and the sarcasm kept flowing, along with my other BM we went over for fittings with a seamstress, on the way she didnt bother talking to us even though i tried encluding her as much as possible, when putting in petrol i glanced in the back window and noticed she was sending texts to G… one of my BMs dresses was quite tight on her and Cs sarcastic comments made her feel fat, she doesnt have an ounce of fat on her shes a size 6 or something! Compared to Cs 14!
I just feel so deflated about the whole situation and just feel i should have followed my gutt instinct before Christmas and just ditched her then, i just dont feel im going to enjoy my day. I genuinely think if she wasnt a BM i would never hear from her… I have already been thinking in my head where can she stand in pictures to crop her off because im going to spent the next years looking at our wedding pictures regretting her being any part of our day. The way shes been acting i just dont even want to be friends any more let alone have her as a BM…
Can any of you ladies offer some much needed advice? Looking from the outside in what do you think i should do? My head and heart say get rid, but i have 4 weeks to go…